IS IT NORMAL? My Wife Allows Her Friends To Sleep On Our Matrimonial Bed

Dear Readers,

I am a foreigner working in Kitwe, Zambia  as a medical doctor. I am a 34 year old man married to a very beautiful Zambian woman aged 28, people my wife is careless and very lazy.

Some times I am forced to think that all Zambian women are the same but I must say that I have met and worked with great Zambian women who respect their culture and respect their marriages and husbands.

Imagine my wife does not do anything at home but sleeping and wanting to wear expensive clothes, she allows the maid to do everything.

The most annoying thing of all is that she allows her best female friends to sleep or have a nap on our matrimonial bed when I am at work some times even when I am around but doing research work in the other room.

On several occasions I have found her friends busy sleeping on our matrimonial bed and when I entered one day, this woman never bothered to move out of the bed and I left the bed for her and I could not rest after a hard day.

I have discussed this matter with her but she says her friend is like her relative and that they have been childhood friends for over 20 years. She says this is modern world and that I should get used with it.

People What is my wife up to, where I come from it is not allowed to allow your friend to sleep on the matrimonial bed.

I have one child with her, aged three years. I must say that my wife has bad manners, I have tried to make her very happy, buy her everything which she needs including expensive cars and clothes, the Brazilian hair, I love this woman but I don’t know why she is behaving like this.

Some times I cook for myself while she is sleeping or watching movies with her friends and drinking beer even in my bedroom.

Imagine five women sitting on the bed drinking beer like men and when I enter the main bedroom, my wife is not even moved that her husband has entered the house and the bedroom while her friends are busy drinking.

I am sponsoring her relatives to schools including universities. I have never cheated on any woman.  During courtship my wife pretended to by an angel, she was a Mrs. ‘Perfect’ but this has changed, I have involved her family but nothing has changed, when I come with my work mates or visitors from my country the behavior is the same, what can I do people.

We have been married for 7 years now

Frustrated medical doctor.

-Real Life And Hot Issues Forum

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Posted by on July 16, 2012. Filed under HOT ISSUES, STYLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

301 Responses to IS IT NORMAL? My Wife Allows Her Friends To Sleep On Our Matrimonial Bed

  1. gilbert Reply

    November 2, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Big bro tht ***** of yo wife is nt a real zed,she lied!real zeds dnt av such doggish manners,watch out next time she is bringng her boyfriend on tht bed en u wil enter without her moving en she wil tel the boyi @ “akuntombafye takwete incito”,my advice is divorce her b4 she feeds u kolyokolyo or walilya akale

    • mas Reply

      December 8, 2012 at 10:37 am

      My brother you are the man, you hammered the nail on the head. This man deserves better though it has taken him years to realise it. If you are still dreaming in that shit of a marriage wake up man.

    • Munyone1 of sala land Reply

      July 12, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      Take one of her friends and she will stop when she find you and her friend on her bed simple!

  2. Abena Reply

    November 9, 2012 at 9:08 am

    She is not worth being called a wife! Doc, are you that stranded? Give a boot on her buttocks and ensure her friends also receive their shares! Work up man…what does she have that other women do not have? She is a danger to you grwing up child. Exit her…………………………..

  3. Cilibbebbede Reply

    November 9, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Get rid of her now!

  4. mpho Reply

    November 12, 2012 at 5:49 am

    dump her

  5. muchinda Reply

    November 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

    If she is doing that to you, then you should look out for the best out of her friends. they should be one out of her friend whom shall respect and love you as her hub. otherwise all are friends are just making a full of her in that you replace her with them than she realize them not to be true friends.
    think big doc

  6. osward mwaisumo Reply

    November 21, 2012 at 10:34 am

    that’s very Zambian doc. she shouldn’t cheat you in the name new culture. if anything she is already cheating on you that’s why she has no regards for you. am sure in your absence men sleep on that bed.but honestly DR are you so stranded that you cant get a better woman even from your country if Zambians have disappointed you? am amazed because you as doctor you know the route of HIV. that woman is a hooker trying to siphon wealth from you. watch out DR.

  7. pompolingo Reply

    November 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    you a fool,with that wife of yours ,thats why you can love her
    young man wake up please

  8. Real Talk Reply

    December 18, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    My man, if you have any bit of wisdom left in you, I suggest you listen and read to the end my comment. First of all you are a mongrel,simply because the ***** in you has demonstrated stupidity of the lowest grade. As a man, you need to put your foot down, let alone your ****** and immature courtship. Am more than angered by your situation. That whore you call a wife has never loved you and has never been perfect. In fact, you tell her this very moment to scram and get the hell out. I cannot imagine such foolishness in my own home. Surely you can’t have been blind as not to have noticed any of this bull… Once you have gotten rid of her, divorce her split 50/50 simply because that’s the requirement of the law and move on. Let her F@#$% off. If you need any assistance finding marriage material,see a counselor. Obviously you are too dull to find one. *cursing*

  9. Wizz Reply

    January 3, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    Mmmm what Zambian Lady, probably from the pit of hell. I am sorry about that behavior as though it was among wild animals.

  10. G CHANDA Reply

    January 9, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    she is very ******, tumfweko let that man contact me and marry me the lady she is going to regret ever allowing friends sleeping on the matrimonial bed. bad manners. we need husband material her she is playing with it. where can i find this man so that i teach that foolish girl a lesson that she will never forget in her life.

    • fabunastic Reply

      January 29, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      sense G!she’s such a disgrace to womanhood..

  11. It's me u need Reply

    March 2, 2013 at 11:13 am

    Dump her and come to me.

  12. colinto Reply

    March 13, 2013 at 12:52 am

    Since her friend like to hung around in your bedroom and shit. Just prick her friend and your wife at the same time, coz those are sihns that she wants a threesome. Try that and see what happens my guy.

  13. david Reply

    April 3, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    she may be lesbian or at one time had sex with her female freind.She may be sujesting that you slept with her freind since they are long time freinds then she will not mind you sleeping with her freind. If you are too holy then get out of that marriage NOW.Be ready for a HEART BREAK its normal, but pain will subscequently go.

  14. sakastik Reply

    April 17, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    May be your wife is into women too.F**k those friend coming into your room.Do them harder than you do the ***** you call your wife.That is what they want becoz they have doing “woman to woman” for long.

  15. fimbi fimbifye Reply

    April 20, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    **** them all…..hummmm just kidding find a real zambian woman, not that lesbian

  16. margry kapotwe Reply

    April 27, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    hey my bro let her go coz if u say u luv her dat wil be ur weakness n she knws dat. she has shown u dat she does nt respact u n luv u

  17. bazo Reply

    May 13, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    foolish Doc. kick off that fool!!

  18. MALI Reply

    May 13, 2013 at 12:53 pm


  19. Raphas Reply

    May 13, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    waste no time. that woman is not there for marriage, but to milk u. Demontrate to her that you are man by just marrying one of her best friends you gonna find resting on your. Her parents/ guardians are also foolish. Teach them a big lesson

  20. Pidolix Reply

    May 23, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Waw what is that? My friend that is unZambian. The mistake was made at of meeting. Being a foreigner you should have been careful on making your decision on who to marry. It is not easy as a foreigner to tell a good girl from a bad one because you do not know the culture. That girl is unZambian. Is not every beautiful woman that would make a good wife. Being so beautiful were you the first man she has ever met in all her life? If she is as beautiful as you have described her; surely you would have been too late to have found her single. Many men must have come across her but could not marry her because of her behavior. well too bad you are already in it just keep up with it. If parents have failed go for counseling.

  21. SEAN Reply

    May 31, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Big man I feel for you but help is always there. In the Zambian culture women go through Traditional lessons on how to be good wives. That woman either didn’t go through the lessons or she’s just ignoring what she was taught.

    My advise is find a Bana Chimbusa (Elderly Zambian Women who teach Ladies). These women can help your wife be schooled on how to be a good wife…Just ask Zambian men on how you can find a Bana Chimbusa. God Help You

  22. moston Reply

    June 8, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    Thats your crocodile,you will have to deal with it because you either did not ask God to lead you to the right person or you ignored what God was telling to do.Best advice,settle it on your knees,use reason and spiritual warfare and not emotions to decide ai.

  23. Chhhf Reply

    June 11, 2013 at 11:42 pm

    You are a loser. Deal with that

  24. Fundi Reply

    June 18, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    Mumbwe pa kulila. ninshi pali eko ashintilile. ta chabepa ichibemba. piticot gvtment!!your specie is in danger, you are being used and in the end u will be dumped like a rug so take the step first. like said earlier on, come to the real world,wake up!! and stop dreaming.

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  26. iLLuMiNaTi Reply

    July 16, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    feathers of the same flock……**** together!

  27. Kabs Reply

    July 20, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    Pliz its never too late leave that woman after all you ve got one child with her move on and look after yo a taboo in our culture to behave like that.

  28. Hallelujah Reply

    July 22, 2013 at 11:00 pm

    That is just a bed brother!!!Anyone can sleep on it!!!!It is just like the beds in a hotel!!!So many people have slept on it!!!What is important is love and trust for each other!!!!Let the sleep but they should not do bad things on it!!!Most of the bedrooms today are full of Juju…Nowonder people keep their bedrooms like shrines

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    August 26, 2013 at 5:09 pm

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  40. Teachers Reply

    September 19, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    **** your wife`s friend in her presence.

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  45. collins chalwe Reply

    October 5, 2013 at 6:19 am

    That woman together with her freinds have no manners.not even bad ones are in them.Get rid of her. 7 years is enough my dear Docter

  46. Kmail Reply

    October 29, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    This is bullshit f******k all her friends and kick them out of your house.

  47. Shanji Reply

    February 12, 2014 at 9:50 am

    for real that’s bad…am a foreigner as well and I have married a Zambian man his been brought up in the UK and its seems I know more Zambian tradition than him he acts like his not a Zambia. Its so shocking ..the main point is talk to her once more and your bashibukombe as well that is if you have one….leaving her is not a solution….!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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