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Why Many Husbands Are Snatched By House-maids


Mrs Clara could not just imagine what attracted her husband to the poor house help. But the more she thought about it, the more she got confused. And the fact that her husband would not say any
thing beyond his apology troubled her the more.

The fact, however, was that her husband was more worried and scandalised by Nana Aba’s four-month old pregnancy than she was. He, however, had nothing to say except his continual prayer for the forgiveness of sins, his remorseful apologies to his wife and his determination to soak in all the insults and abuse she subjected him to without any reply.

Her Husband was the general manager of one of the country’s leading banks, and his wife was the human resource manager of the nation’s topmost insurance company. They had been married for 15 years. He was a respected elder of their church, and the youth looked up to him as a role model. His humility and modest disposition, despite his position, were simply matchless. And his moral uprightness was unquestionable.

In a world where all men are often tarred with the same brush with regard to fidelity, Clara often boasted about her husband’s commitment: “Even if I catch him naked in the same room with another woman, I will still doubt if anything really happened between them.”

So she could not just understand what came over him to have stooped so low to have an affair with this stark illiterate who possessed nothing to attract even the wildest and indiscriminate womaniser. It was the fear of hiring a house help could entice her husband that she decided against engaging Audrey, the senior high school dropout who looked a bit more presentable than Nana Aba. her husband could also not understand why he could not tame himself against his own house help after he had endured some of the most tempting women of his life.

He had caused the transfers of two of his personal secretaries and requested that he would no longer work with any female secretary because of their seductive tendencies. The most tempting of all was his nightly encounter with, Mavis, the sexy national service lady from the communications unit of his bank, who once travelled with him for a businessmeetings.

Despite his ability to ward of these kinds of mounting pressures from women, He fell for Aba, his house help, when there was practically no temptation. It was a Saturday afternoon and his wife was attending the speech and prize-giving day of her alma mater. Aba had just prepared an early lunch of plantain and stew and he really relished it so much. After the meal, he called her to pour him a glass of fruit drink from the refrigerator, after which he complimented her cooking.

It was when she turned to go that he could not hold back what he had developed for her of late. He asked her where she was going and she said she was going to take her bath. He then instructed her to hurry up and see him for a discussion, to which she respectfully obliged and took her bath in a matter of five minutes. When she finished he was in his bedroom and invited her in. It was too unusual of him but she could not object to it. “Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked Aba, after asking her to sit on the bed. She shook her head shyly and he went ahead to ask whether she sometimes felt like having a man.

She was too confused to answer. He asked again and she nodded. “I like you,” he said and held her close to himself. She was too frightened to protest until he began to undress her. “There’s nothing to fear. It will be over soon,” he assured her and went ahead to peel off her clothes.

“Are you in your dangerous days,” he asked.

“No, Sir,” Aba said without taking time to understand what it meant. She lay like a piece of log and endured it, for she was too frightened to enjoy anything. It happened once and he could not bring himself to continue, for guilt had already dispossessed him of his manly prowess. He ordered her to get up and dress.

He then handed her 6000 Naira notes, which shocked her even more than the affair. She was reluctant to take it until he said, “Take it. Buy yourself a new pant.” He had seen that not only had her otherwise white pant become brown, but it had also been overused and he nearly tore it into pieces in his hurry. Mr Appau became traumatised and fasted for the forgiveness of his sins and was almost recovering when the seed he had sown two months earlier began to manifest.

His insistence that the pregnancy should not be aborted infuriated his wife, and was the cause of her never-ending abuse for days. To his dismay, however, she woke him up in the middle of one night to apologise to him. “Darling, I’m sorry for the abuse. I have been praying over this for some time now and the Spirit tells me you were bewitched,” she said. “I should have known better that nothing about that girl could ever attract you when you have a wife like me.”

“I don’t think it has anything to do with witchcraft,” He spoke for the first time. “That girl has something that you don’t have.”

“What does this dirty thing have that I don’t have?” she screamed. “She has respect. I cannot justify what has happened, but if Aba has any witchcraft that drew me close to her, then it is her respect. She makes me feel welcome in my home. In this house she makes me feel important. It is something you have starved me for the fifteen years we’ve been married. It is a luxury and I easily get swayed by it.”

She could not utter any word but she replied him with tears. They were tears of grief. Tears of guilt. And of regret. Mrs Clara was a kind of woman every man would dream of having but she lacked respect for her husband and she did not argue when her husband told her what made him fall. She knew it was true.

Readers, you may be wondering why I have decided to bore you with yet another tale. I’m not in any way laying the foundation for infidelity. I just want to illustrate the value we men place on respect. We have an big ego and so feel deflated when we are treated with contempt, especially from our women.

I’m not calling for worship. I’ve realised that respect is the missing element in many womens character.

If our relationship, and for that matter our marriage, will succeed, then it will depend on respect. We have to respect each other in order to live together. Make me feel appreciated. Let me know you value me. And treat me the way I treat you.
On mutual respect shall we build our marriage and the gates of divorce shall not prevail against it.

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Posted by on October 16, 2012. Filed under STYLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

51 Responses to Why Many Husbands Are Snatched By House-maids

  1. Barotse diaspora

    October 16, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Am like joseph the son of jacob in the bible he refuse and run away from sin .mind set is the centre of gud and bad things.married men avoid maids and run from sinning.

  2. Nchenga

    October 16, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Respect is an ensential element in any relationship.lets value it.

  3. Zollywood Sparkle

    October 16, 2012 at 6:47 am

    lol sounds like straight out of a Nollywood film!

    ok, Seriously??? Marriage after 10 yrs becomes quite boring i can tell you, no matter how much in love you feel like the first couple of years… it just starts to become stale after 7 yrs or so and the romance just looses the sparkle and dies.

    The couple get bored of each other and having a young maid in the house is inviting more trouble!

    I remember when i was freshly married i had young maids in the house all the time. My spouse never gave me the impression to make me feel insecure.
    We where so much in love and moved to eastafrica on a contract for a couple of yrs.
    One morning i walked in the dining my ugandan maid knew my husband used to take breakfast alone (since i was a stay at home wife i would stay in bed after plenty of good sex in the morning)
    Anyway… I found her polishing the floor while wiggling her a$$ in front of him in a transparent night dress, he seemed not to have noticed what she was doing and didn’t even look at her.. when he left for work that day I fired her!
    Next thing we knew she moved in with an old Dutch man who lived next to us in the same complex!
    We moved to Tankhill another part of the city, i got other maids who seemed always intersted in becoming the madame of the house.. But our love was very strong then and my hubby is a very devoted husband and dad.

    We now live in Turkey… muslim women out here are not a threat to my marriage but my first mulism maid stole my gold jewelry and never came back. I now do my house work myself. Soon we are going to retire to Zambia, one thing is for sure.. no small poor maids in my house!

    • GMT

      October 28, 2012 at 5:50 pm

      I like your story Mum! I’m still laughing at your rather funny comments but u’re very very right on! Beware of young maids!

  4. Zollywood Sparkle

    October 16, 2012 at 6:54 am

    lol sounds like straight out of a Nollywood film!

    ok, Seriously??? Marriage after 10 yrs becomes quite boring i can tell you, no matter how much in love you feel like the first couple of years… it just starts to become stale after 7 yrs or so and the romance just looses the sparkle and dies.

    The couple get bored of each other and having a young maid in the house is inviting more trouble!

    I remember when i was freshly married i had young maids in the house all the time. My spouse never gave me the impression to make me feel insecure.
    We where so much in love and moved to eastafrica on a contract for a couple of yrs.
    One morning i walked in the dining my ugandan maid knew my husband used to take breakfast alone (since i was a stay at home wife i would stay in bed after plenty of good s e x in the morning)
    Anyway… I found her polishing the floor while wiggling her a s s in front of him in a transparent nightie, he seemed not to have noticed what she was doing and didn’t even look at her.. when he left for work that day I fired her!
    Next thing we knew she moved in with an old Dutch man who lived next to us in the same complex!
    We moved to Tankhill another part of the city, i got other maids who seemed always intersted in becoming the madame of the house.. But our love was very strong then and my hubby is a very devoted husband and dad.

    We now live in Turkey… muslim women out here are not a threat to my marriage but my first turkish maid stole my gold jewelry and never came back. I now do my house work myself. Soon we are going to retire to Zambia, one thing is for sure.. no small poor maids in my house!

  5. Medical Doctor

    October 16, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Good stuff,respect is the greatest need of a man&attention /love is the greatest need of a woman.when there is a balance of this two,the relationship becomes 100% successful.

  6. demba ba

    October 16, 2012 at 7:36 am

    there is a lot of sense in this article..we need to respect each other to enjoy our relationships..

  7. CALLED WISE

    October 16, 2012 at 7:47 am

    4 SURE LOVE IS HELD LONGA WEN MUTUAL RESTPECT,TRUST,CARE,UNDERSTANDING,OPENESS R APPLIED.
    ‘PATIENCE IS NOT WEAKNESS’AS SOME PIPO THINK.

  8. BABA

    October 16, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Good stuff and very educative article, it reminds of the literature story books of abena ACHUNA ACHEBE

  9. YES

    October 16, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Yes! this article is 100% true.i once again upload to ba tumfweko for bringing such articles.

  10. lady fur

    October 16, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Ba chende fye bamudala aba, why not talk things over with wife than pouncing on ka maid nako just wanted to taste bwamba bwa ba boss ala. No excuse for infidelity is acceptable, if u an infidel you are just that not respect respect for what, communicate with wife and she will change mwanyaa imwe vima hule vimuna and hule bakazi mukamba ukupolyoma

  11. doty7

    October 16, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Good stuff tho with this women’s rights thing and the desperation of just wanting to have a say even wen unneccessary divorces are looming.

  12. jealous wife

    October 16, 2012 at 9:05 am

    most house maids eyeing potential man bosses always carry african charms to work to lure these men.My house maids has boundaries where she can move freely in my house,there are certain sections out of bounds for her and she has to wear a chitenge at all times when on duty.Try it it works

  13. shoko

    October 16, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Nice article. Woman think that if they try to look pretty and give a man sex sometimes then all is well in the home.

  14. ANGEL

    October 16, 2012 at 9:12 am

    good article and educative women pliz change and learn to respect your husband it does not matter weather you are PHD holder or not respect is very important women

  15. Genaro the Analyst

    October 16, 2012 at 10:27 am

    respect is far more attractive than the face. Even if you have a face with no respect we ll be pouncing on your maids. Analyse

  16. Chama Febie

    October 16, 2012 at 10:37 am

    WOW i’ve learnt something though my husband is a womaniser by nature i respect him but still he loves women

  17. allan

    October 16, 2012 at 10:37 am

    A WIFE WHO LEAVES EVERYTHING TO THE MAID INCLUDING PREPARING THE BED COOKING EVEN WHEN SHE IS AROUND WHY NOT POUNCING ON THE MAID BECA– USE SHE THINKS SHE IS JUST A WIFE IN BED.SOME WIVES ARE THE CA– USE TO SUCH.WHY LET A MAID DI ALL THE WORK FOR ME AS IF SHE IS MY WIFE?

    • Tiwi

      November 20, 2012 at 6:09 am

      are women slaves that they should have to cater to your every whim …. please get your head out of your arse.

  18. Prof; Zick

    October 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Thanks for your teaching

  19. Candy

    October 16, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Communication is vital in any relationship.Why not communicate to your wife about her lack of respect?Lack of respect does not justify adultery..Give the man all the respect there is in this World and he will still sleep with any available low life skunk.It’s just in him.Wives continue praying for your husbands for they are really in need of your prayers..

  20. Kasman

    October 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Respect should be mutual. But its like us men want to be treated like demi-gods. Because the maid obeyed when she was told to sit on the bed and didnt react when her clothes and the white turned brown pants were being removed. Is that the respect we want?

  21. Maigulu

    October 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    jelousy wife,Who lied to u that a chitenge makes a woman less attractive?If shez curvy the chitenge does actually prodrude her body so nicely.Wat is important is to know wat ur duties are to ur hubby,let the maid help out on the cleaning aspect only.Wives its ur duty to clean and decorate ur bedrooms and to cook for ur hubbies.Now i see sense y one of uncles kud not eat food prepared others.Ba mudala nabeve is an impostor probably the alleged transfers were a way of victimizing secs for refusing his proposals.

  22. OxLade

    October 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Excellent

  23. TruthHurts

    October 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Very good!! Tabomfwa abantu bamo. Tulatukwa even when you are working ama private jobs to supplement, we ninsele. And once a guy says enough; awe ninshi ni enough.

  24. kiss-keep it simple ******

    October 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    The article is very educative, remove nothing from it! We are not justified as men when unfaithful but that does not mean we shouldn’t look at the pre-disposing factors despite that they are not always the reason.

    A woman should outdo her maid not to allow her to impress her husaband more, NO. Respect is one issue for sure. Do’nt over-assume, try to impress throughout your life. Sarah called Abraham “lord”! Cooking, water to bath, etc, thats for you the wife to either do or closely supervise at least. Bedrooom is out of bounce of course.

    I think it is too much to blame the maid for giving in! Who is she to refuse such a temptation by her master, especially if she is not a strong believer, and i mean strong!

  25. mali

    October 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Jealous Wife

    You seem to know about charms, try it also for to have less fear.

    Stup it is just the rules u should follow of respect and so forth, not charms, so u got married be cause of charms. nonsense foolish woman

  26. Abakonzi

    October 16, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Tell u what,most if not all house helps are so respectful and caring,more than the madam.Its like they attend respect lessons.Wives with all your beauty pliz twapapata have respect for us your husbands and you’ll see the difference.Excellent ba Tumfweko

  27. NDIYO ZO PULAMA

    October 16, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    ba mulila..respect madam wife respect!! lol

  28. kakolwe

    October 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Confession! That is what brought me down from the Presence of God. My wife could almost worship the Pastor with repect & demean everything about me. I ran away to a ‘chikanda seller’ & found joy. Then she tried to show respect. Too late!

  29. Ndemwanaabo Beetwa

    October 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    Jealousy Wife, As far as am concerned, an African woman looks best in Chitenge, those curves, OMG.
    A maid should not be allowed them @work, give her a checked black and white dressoversized dress and some clean but ugly head dress.

    Do you wonder why the bar is full of matures in marriage? You women take us for granted!! Janet C si choncho mwana?

  30. taliban

    October 16, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    most wives are too lazy and talk too much..

    • Yello

      November 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

      True! Am talking from experience.

  31. Mary

    October 16, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    @ kakolwe too late for what did u dump your wife

  32. Shameless

    October 16, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Wives with their so called,”why do i pay her?” become so useless in their homes. They think they can let the maid do the rest apart from sex. They want the maid to wash, cook, sweep, serve, buy, answer the phone, etc. This makes husbands to think that they have nothing to lose even staying without their wives as their maids are women who can do everything including sex.

  33. chabechabe!

    October 16, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    Wives have become so useless there giving too much attention to manfriends than there own husbands to the extent of refusing sex to her husband because maybe the guy is nolonger in employment,hence guys decides to hammer the maids who can not do what the wife does interms of sex.above all women are just the same dispite one is married and the other is not.(same shape,size,colour,beauty,sweet etc)

  34. kakolwe

    October 17, 2012 at 5:37 am

    @Mary. Tried but failed. She just wont let go for anything. @Shameless. Thats the point. Even when U loved the wife’s cup of tea, she will tell you that she has shown your maid how to do it & sit back. Not knowing that its self relegation!

  35. Hamusonde

    October 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    That’s very true but am not saying am a womanizer. In most cases women cause us to do wrong. We are actually on separation but am only bringing her back because of the kids. She is so rude & very respectable.

  36. Bonker

    October 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    The unfortunate thing however is that, when the maid becomes your wife, she also loses respect for you (the husband). She sometimes turns out to be worse than your first wife.It is a vicious cycle my brothers. Remember, Maids respect you because the are less ‘powerful’ but the moment they take control as ‘wife’ they change.

    • analyst

      November 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm

      @ Bonker, thats the point. more over the issue of respect should be balanced. its not only a husband who need to be respected but both should respect each other. there alot of husbands who have no respect and abuse their wives, so does it mean women should also run for a garden boy because he is humble and respectiful? Because the madam can also simply invite the garden boy in her matrimonial bedroom and the guy will adhere to the instructions, is that the respect pple are talking about? Men should grow and be God fearing pple.

  37. Cheris

    October 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I was a shift worker when one morning when I Arrived home from nightshift i found my maid preparing the kids breakfast and my husbands. To my surprise, the maids uniform buttons were open her underwear was exposed through her uniform. As soon as I saw that, my instincts kicked in and I immediately told her to change her uniform. I later fired her the following month as I caught her washing her underwear in my washing machine.

  38. Mukaponokafye bwino

    November 5, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Years of marriage has sometimes turned a wife to start looking as if she is your relative hence lose of sexual stamina and interest may be this is so because day out day in we keep solving problems instead of romancing around.Sometimes I ave wondered and even forget if I had sex with my wife or not but when I do it out side marriage it keep coming in my mind so often.I admire my maid a lot and when the two passes my wife or the maid while i am watching TV, I always flash my eyes twice when the maid passes unlike my wife. I think the secret lies on the principles one have given him self on the type of woman you would like to be caught with or share your nakedness with cheaper chaps or Vera Chiluba type.

  39. Mr wise

    November 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    This is a two way issue maids are submissive to their masters and madams submissive to garden boys-Some master told the maid that u are good in bed and the maid replied saying thanks sir, even the garden boy says am better than the madam.

  40. Kay

    November 14, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    So its all about women doing this and that, what about women who are disrespected and mistreated in their homes do you hear them sleeping with garden boys because they respect them? no, men should just respect themselves.

  41. nurv

    November 16, 2012 at 9:33 am

    The lesson in this article is Why Many Husbands Are Snatched By House-maids & we have heard its lack of respect from wives. Why are some bloggers talking about garden boys??? This is a biggest problem in problem solving. Instead of finding ways to solve this problem, we are now bringing in justifications & may be defense statements. Its Husbands V Housemaids issue here not Wives V gardens boys.

  42. man m

    November 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    the man is the general manager and the woman also works, the picture you are showing us is for a poor family, i wonder if the story is true

  43. macky 09

    December 4, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Respect is very important. sex from the maid and that from a married woman like u is just the same.woman have even stopped putting water for their husband in bath rooms at the expense of the maid.the beauty of the maid lays in their poverty.if a man is able to sport it out,then your are gone.please let maids do their work and women do yours.education is not a factor in a marriage,do not starve your husband in bed just becoz he has a ka certificate and you have a degree.a penis will not look for degree vagina.

  44. ignatius m tembo

    December 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

    this z really a lesson 2women,respect is all a man needs from a wife.but it is not a passport 4men 2sin,remember that adultally is a sin no matter how constractive your reasons are.be careful

  45. manu4life

    December 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    What happened to self control? I would never do such a thing no matter how disrespectful my wife was to me. My allegiance is to God first then my wife.

  46. KX

    January 11, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    This is very true. This is very common among christian women. You literally have to plead for sex,for food they are too holy to be hugged by their own husbands. My wife handed over washing our beddings my clothes my food to the maid including supervising the maid. Many friends have experienced the same

  47. Mboo

    January 29, 2013 at 5:54 am

    I feel i cn fall prey 2 the maid if that situation was in my hse.plz wives the respect for your husbands is the begining of wisdom.this story is real.