Never Marry A Waitress

By Bob Tumwesigye
About 80% of the waitresses I have seen in several happening places are hot. They ooze sex all the way and a mere glance at them can make even the Pope denounce his celibacy vows. They have this body that kills you softly by making you ‘release’ the missile even before you reach their thighs. But as they say, all that glitters is not gold; today we will show you why you should never date and marry a waitress.
Like tips

Waitresses like being tipped. They can accept anything, even a 5pin. If you are a mean guy like me who never gives tips, she will never attend to you. If you have been observant in many happening places, such waitresses will first serve their patrons (those who tip them) and you will come last.


Most of these chics have kids at home. They go into the waitress business to look for means of supporting their kids. If you decide to take her home for keeps, you will one day get surprised when she comes to your home with ‘mob’ kids.

Super cheaters

These chics are good players. They know how to programme the men and swallow them. Those who have been in the business for a long time know how to schedule their ‘bonkmates’ on a daily basis. If you bump into her when it is not your day, she will hull all sorts of insults at you. You can find her talking to a man but she will tell you that she has a right to talk to all men because they are her customers.


You need to be patient if you are dating a waitress. If you are not careful, she can make you sleep in the bar because she will tell you to wait for her until the bar closes. And you know some bars don’t close so you might end up waiting till morning. They also have a habit of playing several men on the same day. But this one may also not work for you. Recently, my friend waited for a hot chic at one of the clubs in Industrial area. As he was busy dozing in the chairs, some loaded fellow arrived in a double cabin and picked her from the club. She can tell several guys to wait for her on the same day. Those who are impatient will leave and the final man in the bar will be her meal that night.

Never return balance

These gals like money like hell. If you make a mistake and give her unchanged money, she will never return balance. One day I took a soda at some busy bar in Ndola. I did not have change so I gave the waitress a 50k note to bring my balance. The chic went to the counter but never returned. I think she was monitoring me from some corner. I went and hid somewhere only to return after two hours. When I came back, I found the chic had already ‘darkened’ the table. She and her friends were busy enjoying my dime. When I asked for my money, she said that she had given me the balance before I left. Those who are sharp, go home with over 5pin.

Inflate bills

When she realizes you are drunk, she will inflate the number of beers you have taken. If you have taken like five beers, she will give you a bill for nine beers and the balance is hers for the day.

Ever horny

Because guys are all the time touching their privates, they normally leave their places of work when they are horny. Most of these waitresses are very generous with their goods. To them, anytime is bonking time. If you marry her, she will serve her goodies to the whole village. It is said most of these waitresses are the type who are shafted by houseboys.

Booze heroes

Waitresses are good at downing pints. Some of them depend on beer for breakfast, lunch and supper; they have mastered the tricks of detoothing men. When she realizes that you are a mean fellow at giving out dime, she will drink your beer and then rush to the toilet and vomit it. She can even detooth you by telling you to buy her beer but she ends up taking it to her boyfriend seated in another corner. Some of them fill beer empties with water and you will buy her beer the whole night but she will never get drunk on water. At the end of the day, she will pick her dime from the counter and go home smiling.

Bonk from loos

Because some of them are busy 24/7 at their places of work, they don’t get time to go out and bonk. What they normally do is to have a quickie from the loos.
Very dry

Most of these chics have been over bonked. Some of them don’t have any soup left in them because they have been over drilled by several bonkers whom they meet every night.

Earn peanuts

Waitresses are actually not paid a salary. They are just given space where to operate from. This is the reason why most of them depend on diddling their clients. Those who receive a salary earn less than 100k monthly, just to cater for their transport and lunch. If you marry her, she will all the time be depending on you as a parasite.


Most of the waitresses are just grade 7 graduates and G9 dropouts. Some of them don’t even know how to write their names, leave alone being able to tell their age.

The writer is a researcher and counselor and can be reached on:

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed above are personal opinions of the writer. ED

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