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Who Should Pay On The First date?
By Shamim.
Of all the dating pitfalls, surely one of the most fraught is working out who pays for what on a date.
Etiquette tells us that the person who initiated the date should pay. Feminism tells us we should split the bill, because men paying for dinner is outdated. But apparently, none of these issues actually matter when it comes to deciding whose wallet should take a battering. Instead, it’s all about how good-looking you are.
Laws of attraction
Researchers at St Andrew’s University have found that the more attractive you are – male or female – the less inclined you are to want to pay for a date.
Apparently, if you’re drop-dead gorgeous, you’re likely to think you’ve already brought enough to the table – without bringing hard cash to it as well.And it works the other way round, too. If a woman is good-looking, a man is more likely to offer to pay for the meal because he wants to impress her.
My opinion
I’ve never really had to consider bill-paying this way. I thought I had first-date dinners sussed by choosing somewhere affordable to eat, offering to pay my share, then presenting him with a beaming smile if he insisted on paying. But now, I’ve got something new to worry about.
If I offer to go halves, will he think I think he’s ugly? And if he accepts, does that mean he thinks I’m ugly? It’s all too complicated for me.
Posted by
Jack Bauer
October 6, 2011 at 9:40 am
Who decide about these things anyway, just go with the flow. It is only logical that who ever ask for the date pays. Regardless of if one is less attractive or otherwise.
Patience ozokwar
October 6, 2011 at 10:26 am
Beautiful or nt,the man should settle the bill unles otherwise
OrgasmTembo
October 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm
And the woman will think you feel she cannot afford to pay for her own bill. In Europe you have to be very careful. In Zambia, ooh yes, most ladies would expect the man to pay; they feel that way and they end up being abused (sorry to generalise – but am not far off from teh truth)
Dimpa Patel
October 6, 2011 at 10:27 pm
dont use other pipo ‘s names. if you cant find a nice name use your name .however it is a known factor who pays
Michael pa borda
October 6, 2011 at 11:02 am
Its high tym ladies shud start footin bills when outin
perry
October 6, 2011 at 11:12 am
u dont have a better subject
mwanya nshamyebe
October 6, 2011 at 3:31 pm
jeez dude, if you dont like it, dont comment. its that simple. there are so many subjects to choose from.
Patience ozokwar
October 6, 2011 at 11:59 am
Wat is wrng wit u perry?wats wrng wit ths subject? Or do u find topics whch u cnt contribute wit insults irritatin? Lyf is nt all abt politics.
Dee
October 6, 2011 at 1:43 pm
indeed man or we suggest the guy doen’snt have a love life.life is too short to talk about the same people or things every day ,better change the topic and make it more refreshing.I Better enjoy my little years with a smile than get on insults with theses politicians.
We re’ out of election period and now better debate on love life and anyway what is life without love and entainment. Are you in Hell perry or somebody just dumped you? “change amano mambala wa lafwa na depression”.eeeeee!!!!!!!
ENOUGH
October 6, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Any one can footy the Bill depending on how fat the pocket, is thogh our Zambian ladies like reciving all the time.
samuel ndhlovu
October 6, 2011 at 3:28 pm
The person who initiated the date should pay unless otherwise the other persons request to shoulder the bill.
Michell Obama
October 6, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Pa Zed we believe tht a man shud pay bt things hv changed meanin a woman can pay if her purse is fat enough.
Mercutio
October 6, 2011 at 3:32 pm
lets just be honest with ourselves, this is Africa,Zambia and Men pay for Dates .Perid!
mwanya nshamyebe
October 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm
the guy should pay, ladies enjoy being pampered.
Mwape
October 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm
The guy should pay the first bill. On the next dates whoever can afford to pay the bills should go ahead and do so.
Angel of Love
October 6, 2011 at 4:23 pm
We should be very careful with Zambian woman coz they will just pick anything in the therefore, expecting a man to pay for the date. A man can really be made bankrupt if we are not careful in the name of pleasing her and get in big debts so women please help to us to be sharing cost okay, for so doing you gain respect from men.
Jack Bauer
October 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Am Jack Bauer, ofcourse the ladies should pay for dinner everytime.
Kachepa 360
October 6, 2011 at 7:35 pm
The man should pay period!!
The philosopher
October 6, 2011 at 10:17 pm
Yeeeh! Gals nd 2 stat payin 4 dates to stat empowering thmselvs,but men can take a lead.Ths is the begining of financial freedom.2much dependence is a sure sign of poverty.So lets take up the challenge gals.
Solola
October 7, 2011 at 5:11 am
Atase very tipical with cheap zambian men you pay the bill next you will be paying their rent and for their fuel
digz
October 7, 2011 at 7:39 am
,men don’t forget yo viagra wen goin out to dinner ooooooooh na man naira difikoti to find ooooooh
jade
October 7, 2011 at 8:15 am
obviuosly people dont just find themslves ku place one of them starts the topic then the other responds . imagine i come to you my man and say ‘lets have a date this friday at chrisma hotel na tym nakweba’ then that day comes i book a cab on ur expense nokulya sana petiketi lyobe nokunwa bad kabili nine chakolwa then at the end of it all i tell u to pay. is that fair? ala thats y we find men demanding to be paid in kind. the one initiating the date obviously shd ve an idea of wat ll b spent en hw it ll b paid nt waimya issue en give ur friend a burdern at end of the day… change 4 the beta namumfwa esp banamayo nampo ema Diva mwaeba…………………………..
on second thot women are designed to receive so please men just pay, just give , just debit then kabili chalilembwa
Advisor/observer
October 7, 2011 at 9:08 am
Settlin the bill is not a problem, morever in Zambia/Africa men footy the bill, but the problem is that ladies have this bad habit,they will start thinkin you are a bank when you are settlin every bill.They will start presenting you with a lot requests/problems which requires a huge sum of money,,the food basket for someone in the lower class. shame!!We settle the bills becoz we love them but they start exploitin us.
Advisor/observer
October 7, 2011 at 9:10 am
Settlin the bill is not a problem, morever in Zambia/Africa men footy the bill, but the problem is that ladies have this bad habit,they will start thinkin you are a bank when you are settlin every bill.They will start presenting you with a lot requests/problems which requires a huge sum of money,,the food basket for someone in the lower class. shame!!We settle the bills becoz we love them but they start exploitin us…imagine
Isaac
October 7, 2011 at 9:31 am
Whoever asks for a date shud surely pay. Why should someone make budgets for me? Make a date and pay. It is high time men and women learnt to shoulder their bills. Some people have become so crooked that they are ever looking for someone to date without them paying a ngwee.
Vegetarian lion
October 7, 2011 at 9:52 am
Who pays cannot be said,it depends on inumerable factors such as;does the gal work and you donnot work currently but she still wants you knowing very well that you will start working anytime?or does she know that you just lost your parents so she asked you if you could go have dinner to help you get over it?so who pays?
CRY
October 7, 2011 at 9:52 am
ILYASHI IKAYA MEN MUST PAY FOR EVERYTHING BOTH INSIDE OUT. BUT THE TOPIC IS OFF KEY I WANT TO KNOW WHOSE NEXT IN FIRE AND HIRE COMMEDY OF ERRORS.
Anani Koffi
October 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm
I woman not pay otherwise how do u sex her. U can only sex her nicely if she thinks u are the god after paying at such an expensive eating place like news cafe. Elyo nganine Kuya tomba sanaaaaaaa! to get my money back. from 20hrs to 08:00 hrs so that next time she will not accept a date. the problem some of u cant manage even 3 minutes hard sex. ALL u are good at is paying for food
natalie
October 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm
the one tht iniates the date must pay unless u both agree 2split th bill or one of you insists 2pay
bwafya
October 9, 2011 at 11:13 pm
Kaili ni when u pay it will show. So dont hesitate u if want it to show.
mule
October 10, 2011 at 2:30 pm
why take an ugly person?????
Sickofdesechicks
October 11, 2011 at 11:51 am
Ehhh this is a nice topic mwe. I just came back to zed after 7years abroad. ma ma ma i got a cultural shock!! after one date, 2days later this chik sends a text which read like this “plse buy me some t.t”. I was like ohh ok. I ignored it a month later next i heard was my DSTV subscription is running out. I just thought it was a matter of conversation. I ignore it. next thing I hear is my rent is due can u pay. I was like what the F**k!!! am not your father, en how were you paying for all this s**t before you met me? en my dear friends this is the common trend. I cant find a chik who can hold her own. she may pretend for a month or two but after that I become a cash machine. maybe its the culture, maybe am lost. This behaviour is appalling. I mean I know what a man’s role but am a business man. when I put in I should see profits and a growth in my investment. So the sex better be magnificent and you better cook good since I seem to be payin for all dis s**t!!! en yes the sex will have to be on demand!!!
Sickofdesechicks
October 11, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Ehhh this is a nice topic mwe. I just came back to zed after 7years abroad. ma ma ma i got a cultural shock!! after one date, 2days later this chik sends a text which read like this “plse buy me some t.t”. I was like ohh ok. I ignored it a month later next i heard was my DSTV subscription is running out. I just thought it was a matter of conversation. I ignore it. next thing I hear is my rent is due can u pay. I was like what the F**k!!! am not your father, en how were you paying for all this s**t before you met me? en my dear friends this is the common trend. I cant find a chik who can hold her own. she may pretend for a month or two but after that I become a cash machine. maybe its the culture, maybe am lost. This behaviour is appalling. I mean I know what a man’s role but am a business man. when I put in I should see profits and a growth in my investment. So the sex better be magnificent and you better cook good since I seem to be payin for all dis s**t!!! en yes the sex will have to be on demand!!!
lawyer!
October 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Make a woman pay for her dinner or drinks and i promise you that you will not get laid that night.
Worrisome
October 12, 2011 at 9:56 am
I so agree with your observations and opinions “sickoddeschicks”. I too spent a while away from Zambia and returned to my homeland coz thats where my heart is. The idealogy of man-hood has been abused in Zambia more than ever esp since we are fighting equal rights vs. Christian-Values. In one end they are demanding an equal platform, in the other they are with the notion that man shud serve(financially) all aspects of their daily lives. Initial stages of the dating scene I will foot-the-bill as sign of being a gentleman, but dont expect me to put you on an allowance for your hair, t.t, rent, dstv, etc… To me, u r putting a measurable value on yo head and if i dont DEMAND more i will seek a cheaper/free deal elsewhere. I persue women and dont expect my money to be persued to woe u or kip u on-board. NEXT!
lawyer!
October 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm
women don’t like paying for anything be it dinner, their hair, their nails and especially drinks. This is because they believe that having sex with a man is a reward for the way the man treats her (spends on her). Make a woman pay for her dinner or drinks and i promise you that you will not get laid that night.
Zero $ugar
October 11, 2011 at 3:29 pm
A man should pay but later get his refund…
Ndate
October 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Our women think we are banks and the moment you ask her to pay the bill or share the bill,then you will be seen as greedy yet you are only telling her thats all you have.There is really no problem with paying but you hear all these costs,rent,fuel,Dstv,talk time,hair,nails,shopping money,clothes.You know they will even say am taking my friend for a date,can you give me some money?Women get real.Not all men make as much money as we look.Tukongolafye ifyakufwala nasho imyotoka nefipuna mun’ganda ni hire purchase fye.
Sickofdesechicks
October 11, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Now you see why I f*ck em en leave em huh? am truly justified. cos using logic it means that the next dude to come with a promise to pay DSTV full bouquet and a flat fully furnished is automatically the winner. I really wanted to change my ways and see zed women for who they truly are…well am seeing julie tonight and best believe am going to turn her inside out after that dinner tonight.#playaforlife
baby love
October 12, 2011 at 9:39 pm
i believe wat sickofdesechicks is saying mayb bro you just pick on street babies out for all your date, as zambian women will are independant and dont expect men to pay for the dinner and later on fuck u****s… that a no go area for independant women unless those on sex business.
Sickofdesechicks
October 14, 2011 at 8:11 am
No way I pick up street chicks. even the so called “decent chiks” are out here tryna milk a brotha. en the worst thing is these chiks think cos they cook en clean then they have done there part. WTF!! I have a house keeper and as soon as my salary bracket changes am gettin me a chef. so then wat is she going to do? nway forget it I give up. #playa4life
Maria
October 14, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Baby love, I hear you, independent women are not like that, but that’s “real” zed independent women. sickofdeschicks is right also because it’s true even seemingly good girls who are not street chix have such behaviour. I can attest to that. I have a friend who does exactly that, making her dude finance things for her and I mean extravagant stuff!! starting from a week after she met him. The reason? quote: “he’s a man umwaume afwile uku baza to keep a chick.” He’s hinted to me before that she’s a bit much, he’ll point out what him and I have bought out of our own money and say iwe you should teach your friend independent woman skills waishiba. when I try to tell her, she says you’ve lived abroad too a long and you’ve adopted a very high sense of individualism, in zed that’s how we chicks operate, men are used to it.
BROWN SUGER
October 13, 2011 at 12:01 pm
PEOPLE WHAT DO YOU THINK,I MET THIS GIRL IN TOWN AND BARELY 3 WEEKS OF KNOWING HER ( ONLY SEEN EACH OTHER NOT MORE THAN SEVEN TIMES AND SHE SENDS AN SMS TO TELL ME THAT SHE HAS GOT 1 HAND BAG 2. 1 SKIN JEAN 3.hAIR EXTENSION (DONT KNOW WHETHER ITS BRAZIAN OR SOMETHING ELSE) AND LASTLY 2 BODY TOPS.AND SHE SAYS I SHOULD PAY AT AT MONTHEND (OCTOBER)HAVE NOT RESPONDED YET.SHOULD I GO AHEAD WITH THIS GIRL OR NOT.PLEASE HELP
maria
October 13, 2011 at 4:38 pm
No don’t go ahead with that. u have not began a relationship well enough for her to exploit your finances. you spend on a woman who deserves your affection and sacrifice such a woman is a woman you have gotten to know well. No one has the right to put pressure on your wallet simply because of their gender or sex. she should have the decency to get to know you before she can reap the benefits of being in your life. Don’t pay for all those things at the month end! simply go and buy a suit and shoes and send her an sms ati she should pay at the end of the month also. if she’s expecting luxury maybe because u have been sexually intimate, refuse that! u have equally enjoyed each other so if there’s money involved it should be 50-50.
Celeb life
October 13, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Traditionally in Zambia & Africa @ large,Men must clear the bills Period!
Nomba bakashana namuchilamo,you are even inviting your friends ifimano fyabuhule. Lets share the bill,you pay I pay. You are my helper & just sucking sucking me!
IN 90 DAYS
October 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm
THANKS MARIA FOR YOUR KIND ADVISE,HAVE DECIDED TO KEEP QUIET AND HAVE NOT REPLIED TO HER SMS.THANKS ONCE AGAIN.
Maria
October 14, 2011 at 7:03 pm
you welcome. I hope u meet someone special that sees you as a human being not an ATM on two legs.
[email protected]
October 15, 2011 at 8:31 am
i wudnt know,my girl is down 2eath she understands me and accepts me 4me.so it depends when she knows my wallet is tond she helps out,in a nice way without makn me feel less of a man.i love her more wen she does that.