How To Discipline Your Child

As any parent knows, there are times when every child misbehaves. But are parents now giving their children too much room for manoeuvre?

Reasons for children misbehaving

There’s no one reason for children being naughty.

Some hit or bite when they’re seeking revenge. Others misbehave when they feel sad, anxious or powerless at not having control.

‘Children’s misbehaviour is often attributed to naughtiness without determining its cause,’ says Dr Stuttaford.

‘You need to confirm whether your child is merely being high spirited, or are they insecure and seeking your attention at whatever cost?

‘Mischief is common in older children, who are jealous of their siblings and compete for their parents’ attention.’

Positive parenting

So, what can parents do? Giving your children a good role model is key.

Kids learn by observing adults, particularly their parents, so try to ensure your behaviour is model material.

You can’t expect your child to behave well if you and your partner are constantly rowing and shouting at each other.

It’s also important to be alert to children’s worries, such as problems with friends or schoolwork because this can influence their behaviour.

‘Make sure that your love is divided equally amongst your children,’ says Dr Stuttaford.

‘Older children are often worried about losing their parents’ love when a new baby arrives, and bad behaviour is often caused by the anxiety they feel at the subsequent loss of attention.’

Clear communication

Making sure your children know where you stand relies on good communication.

‘Young people thrive when there are clear and consistent rules,’ says Russell Hobby, general secretary of the National Association of Head Teachers (NAHT), UK.

‘We have to remember that for some, their home lives are chaotic and they crave some fair and consistent structure.

‘Rewards and sanctions should be clear to all, so that students know the consequences of their behaviour.

‘They should be applied with tact, empathy and good humour, but not inconsistently.’

In contrast Sherylin Thompson,  spokesperson for the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC), advises giving your child plenty of leeway because being too strict can affect development of independence and initiative.

‘It’s a child’s natural inclination to want to please, so don’t overwhelm him or her with many confusing orders,’ she says.

‘Keep criticism to a minimum. Remember how you were at your child’s age – don’t take bad behaviour personally.

‘You need to describe exactly what you want your child to do, give reasons and listen to their views.

‘Don’t argue pointlessly. But calmly repeat what you expect your child to do – for as long as a broken record, if necessary.’

Boundaries

Children need to know where boundaries lie for important issues – things like crossing the road and playing in dangerous areas are matters where parents need to set out very clear rules.

Dr Stuttaford, Sherylin Thompson and Russell Hobby all agree that boundaries are important for children, as long as they are clearly defined and consistent.

‘Children will always test the boundaries of acceptable behaviour and it’s up to adults to contain and control their behaviour,’ says Sherylin Thompson.

‘Children need clear boundaries that are consistently and patiently reinforced by adults, to make them feel safe.’

‘Boundaries are at the heart of discipline and help children thrive,’ adds Russell Hobby.

‘As children get older, the boundaries can become wider and more subtle and eventually, as adults, they are able to create their own.’

Action and consequence

When a child misbehaves, how important is a parent’s response?

‘Ignore behaviour you don’t want repeated as much as possible,’ says Sherylin Thompson.

‘Criticise behaviours you don’t like and use mild disapproval, removal of privileges and a ‘time out’ when a rule is broken.’

Russell Hobby, however, believes in a clear system of punishments.

‘It’s important to punish transgression with a proportionate system of escalating consequences,’ he says.

‘In successful schools it’s all about encouraging students to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions.’

Is it ever okay to smack a child?

Views on smacking a child range broadly around the world. In Some countries – smacking children is a criminal offence.

In some other countries however, mild smacking by parents is permitted.

‘Smacking is never a good idea and gives a child a bad example of how to handle strong emotions,’ says Sherylin Thompson.

‘Research has shown it’s not as effective as other measures long-term. Smacking may cause children to hit and bully other children because they imitate behaviour.’

In contrast Dr Thomas Stuttaford believes smacking can help disciplining a child.

‘Being a parent can be exhausting and an occasional, spontaneous, light slap on the bottom is unlikely to be harmful, or interpreted as a sign of rejection or cruelty. However, smacking should never be done as the result of loss of temper or as ritualised punishment.’

More information: www.nspcc.org.uk

Posted by Admin on November 3, 2011. Filed under STYLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.