WHAT TO DO If You Are To Tell Your NEW Girl About Your EX

Note from Alex: This is just a short chapter from The Ex-Girlfriend Solution answering a common question that Tumfweko gets:
“Should You Tell Your New Girl About Your Ex?”
At some point, you will meet a girl. It’s inevitable. And it’s also inevitable that you and her will talk about your previous lovers and relationships. So, what do you tell her about your ex-girlfriend, who caused you so much pain?
Well, it’s quite simple, really.
You tell her the truth. You tell her about the pain you felt and how you moved on. If you still feel some pain, don’t be afraid to tell her that. But make sure that she understands that you have no intentions of ever trying to get back together with her.
Make sure that your new girl knows that she’s the only one for you now. And if she asks if she could hurt you as much as your ex could, once again, speak the truth.
If you think she can, since you have made yourself completely vulnerable to her, tell her. Tell her that if you broke up, you would feel terrible pain and sadness, but that you also know that at some point, it would stop.
That’s the cycle of life.
When speaking about your ex, be cautious. Women (and men) in general have a tendency to measure themselves to your former lovers to see where they stand.
If you think that your new girl is in some way better than your ex, speak freely. Highlight all the things she does that make you happy. But don’t sound like you only like her because she isn’t like your ex – be sure to always give her compliments and like her for who she is and not for who she’s not.
If there are some things that your ex did better than you new girlfriend, it’s dangerous ground. Instead of bringing your ex into the picture, I would rather accept the new girl’s behavior and let your ex go. You can then take it from there.
If you think that your ex-girlfriend was better in many ways and you can’t love your new girlfriend fully because of that, you’re not ready for a new relationship, and you need to spend more time healing.

36 Responses to "WHAT TO DO If You Are To Tell Your NEW Girl About Your EX"

  1. atm   January 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    The likes of janet c, kay love, chikalabwamba, mutati, iris, namugala and soft bums mama waluse dora will make valuable contribution on this article coz they have massive experience. Help us guys

  2. Candid   January 1, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    These are oppinion cant work to all

  3. sweet lozi girl   January 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    its easier for the one you dumps a patner to move on than the person who has been dumped.Its hard to pick yourself up again and you oways have lingering questions like,how is the new girlfriend,is she better than me,blah blah , mental torture.

  4. Tracy   January 1, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Nice article

  5. mary   January 1, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    One is called ex for a reason!What was the definition of history at school?if i remember well it is the study of the past!So an ex is a closed chapter move on to chapter two,you could be luckier there.

  6. Kernel Gaddafi   January 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    One shud not expect the new girl/boy to be complete like an angel… Nop ! My weakness is ya strength en vis-versa.
    Keepin in mind that ‘no one z flawless’ tell yo new patna abt yo ex cautiously nt ova praising them.

    Fact : beta build yo lover than hoping to meet Mr/Miss right.

  7. shakira wapa zed   January 1, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Its only natural to feel a bit jealous of your ex girlfriend or boyfriends new lover,its simply human nature epecially when theres too much comparisons.@Kernel Gaddafi,true dat!its beta to build yr lover and accept them the way they are,period!

  8. twiumfwako   January 1, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Interesting article. If your new catch doesn’t tell you about his/her ex, be assured that sooner than later you will be an ex. Incidentally ba tumfweko, cili shani lelo? do you all have H.Os you can’t post any news. I’m sure tomorrow you’l give us plenty weekend events. Laleni so that mukololoke bwino.

  9. Roadtrip   January 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Exes are dangerous

  10. Dmx   January 1, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Munda wakale suuvuta kulima.when one talks gud about one’s ex be rest assured dat vikalipo.i broke up wit her in 2008 bt evrytym we meet tibwezana

  11. Wanu Ngwee   January 1, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    If there’s any game in the world that has no rules, its that of love relationships – not even banachimbusa or shibukombe get it right these days. If anything most of them just mess your things up! There’ll always be some things one likes and others of dislike about their partner, but personally, I feel that for a relationship to work there should be by far more areas of agreement than disagreement, and that there should be agreement on MOST of the issues that each regards as CRITICAL for a happy, successful and lifelong relationship. And no one can ever define these things for others!!

  12. 2Jobz   January 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    It not safe to meet and mubwezana because she is not doing that to you DMX alone even to other exs before you. I think the best is toforget about her and move on period. And at the get the FACT from Gadafi: make your own sweet lover than hoping to find the right one for yourself.

  13. Ms mwine mushi   January 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Kwena ba tumfweko lelo muli nama HO,only 1 story since mornin,iyo mwalibukusa,
    anyway tusheni.

  14. kalulete   January 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    awe mwandini hang over naichiita guys i have even failed to go to church. HAPPY NEW GUYS

  15. Dmx   January 1, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    @2 jobs tibwezana bcoz we önly broke up due 2 loss of contact(no dfrences).found sm1 bt stil value wat sh was 2 me.if sh does it wit her other exs nivake.Tibwezana bcoz of da bönd we had made dspite havn movd on .it is a way of shown each other d@ we hav no hard feelngs.Of cours ds is döe without da knowlege of my current girl

  16. Kandodo   January 1, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    If u can go back to yo ex and be welcome anytime anyhow, the sure thing is she or he is as good as a murderer. They just want to destroy whatever new relationship u are try to build. If u continue like this u wil never build a health relationship. In short u are failing to move on. If u cant get over them go back workout things. Otherwise u are wasting yo time. Good luck

  17. BigC   January 1, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    If you trully love your ex and depending on the reasons you broke up with them. I would reccomend you work out your diffrences. Not every breakup should be permanent.

  18. mtopolelandela   January 1, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Never at all talk about the previous relationships especially if you are the one who cut it off. Its like shitting in the bush and inviting your friend to go and see the shit.Even if you are the hurt person what good does it do you by going through the memories of pain as you talk? Enjoy the beggining of your new relationship. Never be like Lottis wife of the bible.

  19. cecilia ndukwe   January 1, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    Thats why it’s called ex.my ex belong to my past and cant poke head in my present or future.

  20. Joseph lungu   January 1, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    It’s a good thing to learn from,both parties,this is not a one sided issue it covers all

  21. boss lady   January 1, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    I miss my ex,especially wen i read such.Pliz come back to mummy,i like the way you gave it to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

  22. Uko   January 2, 2012 at 12:06 am

    @atm I just acquired a new girlfriend. I like her nomba kaleingila munshita ya chibook na beer. She wants to be on the phone all the time. What do I do Mr Editor?

  23. Mumbwamumbwa   January 2, 2012 at 12:23 am

    Why is it that most Zambians in diaspora tolerate ukupa big foreign girls (fimadumbo) or old men (utukota)? Sometimes shamelessly you even bring them to Zambia for a pose. Ngabama paper please don’t bring those pigs home. You are embracing us.

  24. Kay Love   January 2, 2012 at 12:50 am

    Can someone please answer Mumbwamumbwa’s question above? You, the so called men!

  25. Barca 10   January 2, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Happy new……………

  26. kolwestan for shizo   January 2, 2012 at 7:27 am

    moral of the story? lets be careful on how we tel sata on his weaknesses compared to other presidents

  27. Ya ili bad, de comnts realy gud. Its says the first cut the deepest hence missing the first luv.chaz lov   January 2, 2012 at 8:04 am


  28. IRIS BOYFRIEND   January 2, 2012 at 9:01 am

    You tell her, I like the way my ex sucked my nipples before I could curm, Why cant you try it baby, she would lift me up, take me on the sides, ohh my, I miss that. But anyway, its over, suck my nipples baby

  29. Chaoz33   January 2, 2012 at 10:04 am

    You cannot take what u have vomitted. Be careful with your Ex’s

  30. Mr wise   January 2, 2012 at 11:46 am

    The question is , ar ex’s enemies? depending on how u departed an ex can be accomodated, but if she was caught with yo best friend then i see no reason talking about her to yo new one..remember ‘ICHABU CHAKALE CHILABUNSYA’

  31. mtopolelandela   January 2, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Hai Uko. Your problem does not need the editor but experienced men in this field. What your new catch needs is proper servicing before you go for your drink. All those balls will disappear. By the way she will ensure that all the juices have been drained to the last drop.

  32. chinyenyenye   January 2, 2012 at 4:58 pm


  33. Wanu Ngwee   January 2, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    @Mumbwamumbwa: That’s a very correct observation. I live in South Africa where white men see nothing good in a black woman, but when I visit Zed (especially Rhapsody’s & Polo Grill)I find it hard to believe these men’s behaviour (SA white men) – they are all over our girls. And our girls also can’t which of them are sickly or poor (most of them are rejects where they come from), awe mwandi niviakulolavye… As for our guys marrying “baloon type” white girls the simple explanation is INFERIORITY COMPLEX. So they go for the rejects whom the white boys can’t even look at. And in the mind of these Zambian guys they think that all that will matter to a Zambian on-looker is that the woman is white. Ala mwilaibepa bane Zambians know real beauty and very few Africans match the beauty of Zambian women – I think God’s design laboratory for women was based in Zambia!!

  34. IRIS Kaingu   January 2, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Thanx one ngwee

  35. IRON MAN   January 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    There are no rules when it comes to love! no hand book its how you get along! Right now am breaking up with my girl for lack of honesty, honesty is really important to me. If some one can lie ova small simple things then I guess she will also cheat on me one day or maybe she has been doing that already, its hurting already but I just have to do it. I will miss the sex she was really good or should I say will both miss the sex. it was really mind blowing, she used to book a room, sex at her place in her bedroom, her mothers living room, outside there house, in my car, in my truck. At my place. i will miss her but its for my own good since she cant change its bye bye. (time to say good bye)

  36. DOLLAR BILLS   January 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm