IS IT NORMAL? My Wife Allows Her Friends To Sleep On Our Matrimonial Bed

IS IT NORMAL? My Wife Allows Her Friends To Sleep On Our Matrimonial Bed

Dear Readers,

I am a foreigner working in Kitwe, Zambia  as a medical doctor. I am a 34 year old man married to a very beautiful Zambian woman aged 28, people my wife is careless and very lazy.

Some times I am forced to think that all Zambian women are the same but I must say that I have met and worked with great Zambian women who respect their culture and respect their marriages and husbands.

Imagine my wife does not do anything at home but sleeping and wanting to wear expensive clothes, she allows the maid to do everything.

The most annoying thing of all is that she allows her best female friends to sleep or have a nap on our matrimonial bed when I am at work some times even when I am around but doing research work in the other room.

On several occasions I have found her friends busy sleeping on our matrimonial bed and when I entered one day, this woman never bothered to move out of the bed and I left the bed for her and I could not rest after a hard day.

I have discussed this matter with her but she says her friend is like her relative and that they have been childhood friends for over 20 years. She says this is modern world and that I should get used with it.

People What is my wife up to, where I come from it is not allowed to allow your friend to sleep on the matrimonial bed.

I have one child with her, aged three years. I must say that my wife has bad manners, I have tried to make her very happy, buy her everything which she needs including expensive cars and clothes, the Brazilian hair, I love this woman but I don’t know why she is behaving like this.

Some times I cook for myself while she is sleeping or watching movies with her friends and drinking beer even in my bedroom.

Imagine five women sitting on the bed drinking beer like men and when I enter the main bedroom, my wife is not even moved that her husband has entered the house and the bedroom while her friends are busy drinking.

I am sponsoring her relatives to schools including universities. I have never cheated on any woman.  During courtship my wife pretended to by an angel, she was a Mrs. ‘Perfect’ but this has changed, I have involved her family but nothing has changed, when I come with my work mates or visitors from my country the behavior is the same, what can I do people.

We have been married for 7 years now

Frustrated medical doctor.

-Real Life And Hot Issues Forum

270 Responses to "IS IT NORMAL? My Wife Allows Her Friends To Sleep On Our Matrimonial Bed"

  1. Barotse   July 20, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Hey Doc a very simple advice wil do the trick…just do the friend. Thats what your wife wants. I mean how does she bring her friends to your matrimonial domain to have fun????

  2. kanjinta   July 20, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Doc, she is uncultured,uncivilised who deserves to be put in her right place. dnt waste time kick her out of ur house……..bad habits die hard, she will never change………

  3. CHANCER   July 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    My bro just get your child and look for another woman or go and get from your country. That woman you call “wife” does not deserve you.From you story,i can tell you married a prostitute because most of foreigners who come to our places end up taking prostitutes as their wives.By the way, where did you meet her?

  4. KABESHA   July 20, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    just do the frends as well maybe they will leave the room

  5. Suck it real hard   July 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Kick her sorry ass out of yo house buddy. She does not deserve you period…

  6. Suck it real hard   July 20, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Kick her sorry ass out of yo house buddy. She does not deserve you period

  7. love girl   July 20, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    let me get u somebody desperate for marriage

  8. The one   July 20, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    chease her befor you start injecting patients with wrong drungs due to frastrastion,

  9. Mama   July 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    She is just an unappreciative fool who is embarrassing the pride of womanhood not to mention marriage. Take her to church for deliverance if you are Christian and save your marriage. You sound to be a good man who deserves happiness

  10. sinclair   July 22, 2012 at 5:18 am

    chasing her will not solve anything,but the only thing you can do is sit her down again together with her family members (elders)and tell them the facts of life and the kind of a woman she is suppose to be.truthly speaking she should’nt take marriage for granted otherwise somebody else will take her place and she’ll regret all the ladies please change ,”coz a stitch in time……..”

  11. Cathy   July 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    There are so many cultured women who are really luking for a man like you.Kick her out.

  12. openmwipa   July 24, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    The world is turning around, when other women are busing looking for vikwati from sangomas out there, others are busy worsting there opportunities. Mind you fortune comes once in LIFE……………………….

  13. Tomba Tomba   July 24, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Tomba munankwe umwebe ati since u r childhood friends there is no difference. Styopet woman.

  14. Thabo   July 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

    She is a fool. She does not deserve her marriage. Take her to alangiizi again.

  15. jinja   July 26, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    my friend that stupid girl is a wrong girl for you, you should do some tricks on her while her friends are around. undress yourself while the so called child wood friends are around and check her response.

  16. sammy   July 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    just fuck her friends thats it and see her behaver bez thats wat she wants

  17. freezela   July 27, 2012 at 8:37 am

    shame man. problem is you get to excited when you see these flushy women and you dive in head first. repremand her and tell her that you will fuck her friend if she is playing. that ought to pump some sense into her head

  18. Amake   July 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Late contribution – but to all those who think this is false. I have an in law who allows her friends into her matrimonial bedroom and has the maid clean up her bedroom and also wash her husband’s underwear. Maids have complained about having to pick up “remnants of the night activities”. The difference though is she cooks and only allows her friends in when the husband has travelled. I have also received reports that there is one particular male friend of the husband who visits each time he is out and at times when the children are out at school. I have a theory could this woman be a bisexual and probably more inclined to homosexuality!

  19. Wanu Ngwee   July 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm


  20. Ng'ani-Ng'ani   July 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    He should just put one of the friends on the same bed the wife will no longer bring friends to sleep

  21. CB   July 31, 2012 at 10:49 am

    your wife wont change unless she learns a lesson,so just kick her out.

  22. mama   July 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    its very sad she wil only think of it that what she is doing is not right when she looses her marriage

  23. ck   August 1, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    find a better wife with manners and respect period or do one of friends.

  24. sam316   August 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    doc,have you ever heard that common phrase that says that you can not turn a whole in to a house wife,simple terms,you cant get a bitch and Marry her,a bitch is a bitch even when you buy her flashy things even when you move her from the slams or compound to the ku ma yadi,as in a good neighborhood,that woman woman is a pure bitch a big time slat that has a crew and they meet to plan in your house and wast of all your bedroom,my man throw that hooker out of your and get yourself a God fearing woman.good luck

  25. sam316   August 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    7 years? Man! that’s too along a time for a lady not to stabilize in her home. anyway its either shez gives U good in bed that’s y you cant make a decision O you have a problem yourself Doc.
    Send her back to her parent and should only come back when shes ready for marriage.

  26. ConernedZambianwoman   August 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Dude!!!! what the hell are you doing taking all that shit from your wife? That is no way for a married woman to behave. Show her whose the man and kick her friends out….what! It’s because you do nothing that’s why she acts like that. Show her who wears the pants in the house……for crying out loud you’re the one paying for everything and she’s taking you for a ride with her stupid friends with no manners sha!

  27. kadin   August 2, 2012 at 1:30 pm


  28. kanono   August 2, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    give her some treatment.

  29. BMK   August 11, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Hello Doc, your wife needs deliverance. who knows, you could have married a good woman but because she is not exposed to the truth, (the revealed WORD of the hour), she will continue living the same kind of life.
    so just take her to church.
    call the pastor for deliverance.

  30. KRC   August 13, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I am not married so i stand to be corrected. as women we come from different backgrounds and upbrining in life is very important, our cultures are different. your wife needs to realise that she is a married woman who needs to respect herself and her home as well including the husband and the child. if she does not regard you as her husband in front of her friends or respect you, then your marriage is heading in a wrong direction which could lead to divorce or serious problems which she has caused herself. you should involve the elders from church since her family is not helping in anyway.If you are a christian man. i say nothing defeats the POWER OF PRAYING.

  31. Hakainde Hichilema. HH 2016.   August 14, 2012 at 9:34 am

    She is useless, just chase her. Her friends may one time going to harm you to death. u’re also weaked how can you accept such things to happen for a long time? U must also be civilised.

  32. curthbert   August 16, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    if i were you DOC,i would embarance her by making her friend very pregnant so that she can realise that to everything there must be limits.

  33. Langton   August 17, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Just leave this woman, she is not your sister or mother. Why suffering with your own resources. if she is for modern world, then allow her to do what she want but without you

  34. mbuya   August 17, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Maybe she is mentally disturbed. guyz sometimes get to excited and blind especially if she has good bed manners at night

  35. LMulenga   August 21, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Its not alright she needs to go through marital Counseling. She is very immature.

  36. M S Pachalo   September 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    The lady need some kind of councelling, if she can’t change find an alternative for a wife. There are so many women looking for men to marry them. Remember life is short you need to be happy all the time. All the best!!!

  37. mojo   September 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Doc you r a fool how do u allow such nonsense in your home just bcoz ur a foreigner doesnt min u shud tolarate ubu ubupuba.fake her friends in her presence before u fake her out of yo home.u married iswayu.

  38. mojo   September 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Doc you r a fool how do u allow such nonsense in your home just bcoz ur a foreigner doesnt min u shud tolarate ubu ubupuba.f*** her friends in her presence before u f*** her out of yo home.u married iswayu.

  39. kabuchende   September 7, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Doc,just F***K one of her friends and she will never allow them to come into your house again.

  40. cgp   September 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    You hooked yourself up because your conduct in courtship was fake. You could not bring out your real you in the name of love and that has costed your peace. Zambia has some very genuine ladies except that you do not know where they are found. Most of them are unfortunately in shanty compounds where people with money do not wish to marry from.

  41. ethel   September 11, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    while interesting..u shud b very careful!that not normal at all wats that supposed to be english manners hell no….that wrong control the situation ur th man of the house

  42. njota man   September 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    maybe the Doc is a lion without teeth.bit one of her friends and cccc.

    • Mojojojo   January 16, 2013 at 4:20 pm

      People here are sick! So if he sleeps with her friends or female relatives then the problem will be solved, right? Rubbish!
      He should just divorce the wife because they’re not compatible.

  43. mcmush   September 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Doc for you to have put up with that kind of absuard Behaviour it means she amuses you in one or two different ways,needless to say its just a matter of weighing the happiness and frustrations culminating from ur wife, so if the benefit is more than the frustrations go on with her otherwise send her to where she belongs. Realistically speaking that kind of behaviour can not amount to any slightest form of happiness.

  44. Chi   September 14, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    I’m a Zambian woman and i am completely shocked and disgusted!1stly i work, i buy everything i want, i have never had my boyfriend buy me anything that is going to go on my body or head, especially hair,unless it was just because he wanted to. That’s how i was brought up. A woman is supposed to clean the house, even though i am a professional that’s what i do! i cook for him too, and i enjoy it, especially because he appreciates it. i am so sorry about this, you just need to find another Zambian woman. That one is not truly Zambian, because she should know better.

  45. constance   September 16, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    I am touched beyond words why the young man should be treated like this,my dear this woman does not desreve and respect your love infact your love misplaced. i would suggest you take her to conselling, if that does not work then the woman is after your money so open your eyes dude…

  46. lamin ceesay   October 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    she is wasting your life.send her away and look for one who loves you and is ready to be a good wife.

  47. shoko shoks   October 14, 2012 at 8:51 am

    there is something wrong with you, by now you should have screwed all your wifes friends even the lady relatives you are sponcering she was going to respect you because that’s her way of life it will make her very happy wife.Now do it now.

  48. Qat   October 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    try this; enter yo room when they are on that bed and start undressing leaving something u’ll b comfortable with e.g. (bamshort), pretend u want to sleep and ask if anyone is willing to sleep with u.check for yo wife’s reaction. she will realise what she is doing to u.

  49. Joseph yamake   October 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Amake you are very right.
    The wife is bisexual and the husband,
    probably is aware of it. In the first
    instance why stay with such an animal
    you call wife. Either you are not straight yourself
    or you were ingrossed in books and
    never saw the other side of life until you stumbled upon that animal you call wife!
    You are to blame man you are!

  50. Maria Chileshe   October 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    You are wasting your time with that foolish woman.. just kick her out of the house, there are alot of Zambian women who are cultured.