From a female reader
I went through my husband’s phone yesterday because of my recent suspicions that he’s cheating on me but what I saw on the phone was far worse than what I was expecting to find there.
It has practically ruined my life. My husband told his cousin via bb chat that he had fallen out of love with me a long time ago, that the only reason he’s still in the marriage was because of our three kids. We’ve been married for eight years and I’ve done everything I know how to be a good wife and this is what I get?
It would have been less painful if he was cheating. I don’t know what to do. I even called in sick to work this morning because I’ve not been able to stop crying. Should I confront him? Should I release him by giving him a divorce?
I love this man to death and I can’t believe he stopped loving me along the way.
What did I do? He always said I was a good wife, when did I stop being that? He has been so distant lately that I thought he was seeing another woman. My husband has ruined my life.
HELP!! I Went Through My Husband’s Phone and Now I’m Devastated added by on
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Slap him and tell him he is a bastard for putting a ring on that beautiful finger of yours…..
Anonymous
If i were you, I would try to find out from him what is going on (i) in his life (ii) concerning the two of you – explain to hims that he appears to be too distant and emotionally ditached from you lately; without first bringing in the issue of what you saw on his phone.Try to bring to his attention to the fact that something has changed in your relationship. Then ask him the BIG QUESTION that will open up the discussion: do you really really love me?If he says no, he will have to explain himself; if he says yes, then still he has to explain himself further. Either way, he will have to explain or really say what is going on in his life. Sometimes men needs their wife to help them open up emtionally and then they could share their feelings.
It’s your fault why you ladies keep on checking on our phones.My advice is stop being nosy.
you are an idiot…see your life
Cry to God. He understands what u are passing through. God initiated marriage and the bible tells us that what God has put together no one should separate. God hates divorce. Trust in the Lord and do good (ie if there is sin,REPENT!) your marriage shall refreshed. Read John 10:9-11
ahhh, ur Chritians(i know the s isnt there) what kind of advice is that?
If this story was a pizza, then all we have is a slice. It’s difficult to give advise based on a onesided story. This problem involves two sides. My question is what could be the reasons for him to stop loving u? Ask yourself 5 whys then you will arrive at the root cause.
First try 2 check yoself if at all deya is somethng u know dat u ‘ve not bin doing well. Den check if there is something dat yo husband always said he did’nt like & dat he asked u 2 change. If u think u ‘ve no fault, den be frank him by askng him to tell u da truth abt yo relationship. But 1 thing my sister dat u shud know is dat it is difficult 2 plz a human being. U cud have tried 2 be a good wife but dat cud be nothng 2 yo hasband. Finally avoid fault finding frm yo hasband by checkng thru his phone coz 4 sure u will continue regreting as faults will always be there.
Its true you are devastated by your discovery and thats natural. My humble advice is that try to reflect on your past relationships with your husband. He married you maybe because he thought you would change in someway but to no avail…This might have started triggering again in his mind without you knowing.You women are trick star when you just want marriage and can do anything and after that you go back to your real ones – Bu yoo! Ifyapalako ifyo!!
Well men always have reasons for cheating en will never accept that they ve an affair. Us we started on a note of always swapping and changing phones. Wz devastated when i found loving messages of my husband and his new love. Come to think am not divorcing him, my friend choose to pray scatter the affair with the HOLY GHOST FIRE. they will never have peace. just become craft with prayer and shout at him and tell him u will never leave him stupid fool
WHEN YOU PLAY WITH FIRE, YOU GET BURNT !!!!!!
you are a very big idiot.shit!why go thru his phone in the frst place.you got wat you wanted.idiot.suspicions day in day out.fuck you!
You are a dog are you this man’s whore get a life and stop f###ing other people’s husbands you Kunt.Waba pa menso nge ichinyo
You checking his phone not so cool,but you have more to think as to why anyone would just change suddenly, dig and find out he is probably going through hell i know and i smell a rat
Pray and ask the holy spirit to go before for it seraches even hiden things and will review everything to you as you talk to him let the holy spirit be in front of you and contront him in coolnees and do not shout at him. us men are just like that we do things and sya things we do not mean
Mama too bad your husband is a real b@stard,put everything in the hands of God
SATAN IS THE CA– USER OF ALL THESE DIFFERENCES AND SIN-
IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN GO WITH YOUR MAN TO A POWERFUL MAN OF WOMAN FOR GOD FOR DELIVERANCE PRAYERS.
SATAN IS THE CA– USER OF ALL THESE DIFFERENCES AND SIN-
IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN GO WITH YOUR MAN TO A POWERFUL MAN OR WOMAN OF GOD FOR DELIVERANCE PRAYERS.
its said n such a man can do anything to depress you coz he doesnt feel anything for you. pray to God to make your hubby love you again. God does not close his eyes on anyone.
u have put in,in your marriage to make t last,all the effort its sad……..i wonder y men always feel they hv da right to toy with our emotions?ts even annoying that they dnt care someone is hurting emotionally,dear 8 years is a long tym for you to have seen t now….the best thing u can do is sit him down and talk if it fails go for counselling if it stil fails pray…..then u can divorce him atleast then u will knw u did yo best.after 8years and 3 beautiful children nt to talk of what
Practically in every marriage comes a time wen love ends but people continue living together either for the sake of their relatives who married them while dancing and or for the sake of their kids. Ask anyone whose been married for 8 years and above! Be their be strong and face it. Thats the only bad part of marriage.
I am hoping it is not all your fault that things turned out on his cell phone after you sought trouble yourself. Well communicating with his blulu says a lot to me, especially if the blulu has not come to sympathize with you in confidence! Sometimes blulus disagree and instead support bana chale, know what I am saying!!! It simply means that you brace yourself for tougher times so that by the time he lets out the bomb shell, you will not die of shock sister, let alone do anything disastrous!!!
What is the meaning of this Tumfweko, @i here is is; why me?
Tumfweko were are u taking my comments kanshi?
My dear sister,the first mistake is your belief that “you have been the best wife”how do you measure that?maybe that conviction has made how your husband want you to be to fail on deaf ears.
Small things are what pushes us men away.Check yourself before confronting your Husband.
Mummy you are not the only one going through such a problem there are many who stay in their homes b’coz of children, it is sad because you have discovered what your husband said or what he is thinking about you, just sipikisha mama.
Join Annah in the shipikisha Club!!Bwafya…ifyupo ifi..
This story reminds me of one person who had a wife searching through his pockets every after coming back from the bars. When he woke up in the morning there was always no money in his pocket. So to catch a thief he put a condom in his pockets and the wife discovered a condom an comfronted the husband who the knew who was picketing his pockets.Madam check yourself, it may be like this story for you. Woem sometimes create their own downfall
it may be that there are things ur hubby thot he wud change abt u u4tunatly there a thngs people cnt change in us,sit down wit him in a good mood dnt force him to jst be dramatic and he’ll get to talking
@ Annah – stop giving such archaic advice. This woman should leave and get half the wealth that she is entitled to. She must do this before she is forced out and ends up with nothing. There are so many men in zambia my dear – leave whilst you still have your beauty – because that beauty will fade with frustration if you stay
those are normal emotions feelings in marriage you just to talk to him but be gentle never talk about divorce is not the solution. perservarance wil serve your pain i pray for you sister
@Janet C, your advise is not bad but y talk about sharing half of his wealth, iwe Gold Digger
@ Zemuntu – in the olden days our fathers oppressed and abused our mothers. They couldn’t leave because they had low-paying jobs, they wuold leave the marriage and end up in poverty, despite helping the man get to where he is both professionally and financially. Also society looked down on divorced women.
Come 21st century, women are empowered, divorce means sharing what both parties have worked in partnership for – so this is by no means gold digging, half of their joint wealth is legally and rightfully hers. Problem with you men, you are seklfish and would rather a wife left a marriage with nothing – well, no more of that nonsense there are laws these days. So if a man wants to leave a marriage, he is free to do so except he has to give up half the wealth (whatever that wealth may be – even if it’s a thatched hut, he must give up half of it when divorces happens
You do know that if its a traditional marriage, the man can just ask the wife to leave? with nothing?
I find your generalization of men grossly disturbing.
@ another Iris – how many women nowadays are foolish enough to marry under traditional law? If you find me disturbing, I am sure you know where Chainama hospital is – check yourself in
@Janet c, this is where our we differ. Why does everything have to be wealth? I assure you, I can give up my entire estate for peace of mind than live a life with a nagging pompous disrepectiful wife. Money I can make 2moro.
@janet c who told u there’s wealth? Mayo mwakwata fye amano ya mahule, muleumfwako insoni.
In no way do I mean that the lady in qn is a nagger. Mostly. We men are lost at very little things. When that little something lacks, he goes searching. Prostitutes have found out this & they trap men by providing what the super woman fails.
supper woman like Janet C indeed. teti naine, tufya kwaaa!
You watch too many nigerian movies…
it’s very normal in marriage, that is why as a couple you should keep close contact and discuss such issues. Though it should not persist. I sometimes feel the same but my wife will always ask and if I see the same in her I ask and together find ways to resolve our problem. Communicating is important in any relationship.
my dear men are so difficult 2 please wen they hav galfriends, u can giv him everything but he cant aprreciate am tellin u its the devil using him and hez got another gal thats why he has stoped lovin u, coz hez comparering u to her. seek marriege counsellin and hear wat they will tell u, but put everything in Gods hands.
you have a number of question and i believe no one will answer them for him on this site. my dear you need to ask him all that you need to know as to why he stopped loving you along the way. i believe there is something that made him marry you and maybe his not seeing it any more hence telling himself that he as stop loving you. you need to sit and talk to your husband. that’s the only way you will get to know the truth. My the Good lord be with you. by the way pray about it before you talk to him so that God can be with you guys. stay blessed.
now its time for you ku sala amano… @ janet c girl you ROCK. if all women thought like you. why let a man sh*t on you when you wash his sh*t
get the little wealth he made and goooooo!!!!!!
what did u u what in somebodys phone?These are the mistakes which are in marriages where couples feel they love each other more by exposing phones,emails,bank accts etc to each other!Such is what is called confidential stuff.
Just stay with him and ask him if he wants another wife.it is acceptable for men to have two….Tong@ bulls kekekekeke
@kinki, do you value relationships? I tell you sweetheart, there are men in Zed to whom wealth lies in the brain. You can take all my wealth + yours & leave, if it has no value! I’ll make sacks of money by working hard with a supportive & loving wife. Even if she be a 2nd wife.
Am tired of reading this business of “leave it in God’s hands”. God helps those who help themselves. . . why cant people give advice that begins with the lady in question being proactive, rather than helpless?
I say this because God will not do all the work for this woman.
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The devil is a liar. he wants to destroy your marriage. Discuss the issue with your hubby extensively and I know he will come back to his senses. Pray to God and HE is faithful you will get answers.
You said “Should I release him by giving him a divorce? I love this man to death.”
I say ” You will die. Life and death is in the power of the tongue.
Nalefwaya ukukupa elyo wankana. Wamona malibu yakuilombela. Do not worry, just come to me and i will make you happy again.Leave those three children so that i also have three with you and forget about that chap.
Madam, you may need to involve your banachimbusa and or bashibukombe. They should be helpful. You need to improve on communication between the two of you. I find that us men are really selfish. We want to have everything to ourselves even that which we cannot even chew. terrible. And yet, we forget that women like Janet C can handle more episodes than men. Divorce devastates both man and woman and the children.
@ba tumfweko, pali ichipuba chimo ishina ati Chama Febbie, awe chene ichi chalibola mukanwa at least Janet C doesnt insult.
stop being nosy and work your marriage. men are like babies just give him what they like most attention.
put God first my dear.
If I were you I would follow up the issue to establish the exact woman he is hitting out with then confront him based on the two evidences.
Ba Janet C, I have no doubt you have issues of your own. Most of the time you sound bitter and a bit of a saddist too. I am just trying to imagine what kind of a charecter you are.
nifyofine mwana,if you want you can go in another marriege but its the same game. keep on praying if you can otherwise kukosa.
Mayo!! ubuchende bwa mwaume, tawuwonaula ichupo. shipikishenifye. Ebwikalo mwiikabepwa.
Mayo!! ubuchende bwa mwaume, tabubonaula ichupo. shipikishenifye. Ebwikalo mwiikabepwa.