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10 Ways To Be A Super Daughter-In-Law
Here are a few tips to improve your relationshipwith your mom-in-law
One of the biggest challenges of married life is to get along well with your in laws. Though this goes for both partners in a marriage, it is the woman who is affected the most.
According to research around 60 per cent of all marriages suffer from tension with mothers-in-law that is normally between the woman and her husband’s mother. The nagging, meddlingmother-in-law is often the cause of worry and the central idea that can help better the situation is to have a positive attitude and to show respect to the older woman.
Positive attitude
Just like being a daughter-in-law is new to you taking up the role of a mother-in-law is new to her too. Always try and convey a positive attitude towards her. The older woman is probably just trying her best to fit into her role as a mom-in-law.
Equality
Try to treat your mother-in-law and your mother equally. For example if you give your mother a birthday gift, then give your mother-in-law a gift for her birthday too. If you have children, then visit your mother and your mother-in-law with similar frequency.
Sensitivity
The fact that the lady has spent a significant part of her life raising her son may make her a little sensitive when another person becomes the centre of attraction of her son’s life.
Though most mothers do not consider her daughter-in-law competition, there are some mothers who do. The ones whose life revolved around their child for a long time because they are a single parent or had only one child are the ones who are most likely to behave in this way. If, for example, your mother-in-law mentions how much her son always liked her home cooking, do not try to compete by asserting how much he likes your cooking now. This would invariably hurt her.
Respect
Treat your mother-in-law with respect. Consider her older and wiser. She may have been through a lot of hardships in her life. In fact, talk to her and ask her about her childhood, growing up, raising kids, and life experiences. When she shares her life with you she will develop a liking for you and that can lead to a strong bond between the two of you.
Expectations
Getting to know the family you have married into may take time. Though most daughters-in-law are welcomed into the family with open arms, do not get disheartened if it does not happen. Give them time to know you better.
Be attentive
When your mother-in-law is at home be attentive towards her. Sit and chat, show her around town, and if she wants to help you prepare meals, then let her. You two can get to know each other better and bond. If she prefers to sit around being waited on hand and foot, then enlist your husband to help prepare meals and clean up.
Information
Try to keep mother-in-law informed; call and let her know about important events. Keep her in the loop. If you have children, send pictures to your mother-in-law. Grandmothers love getting pictures of their grandchildren.
Advice
Your mother-in-law has years of experience. Don’t hesitate to take her advice. You may disagree with her and decide to not follow any of her suggestions, but be open to different ideas, at least listen, show respect, and do not take any advice as a personal attack. She is only trying to be helpful.
Children
Allow your mother-in-law to take care of your children. For them their grandchildren are more important than their own kids sometimes. If she wants to, let her spoil them a little, i.e. she lets them stay slightly past their bedtime or gives them some more chocolate than you would want to.
Communication
Try and talk out things with the family. If something that someone said hurt you, do not keep it bottled up inside you. Discuss with your husband and your mother-in-law any slights or snubs and how it makes you feel.
Posted by
truthful
June 5, 2013 at 8:18 am
easier said,but in reality-things r very tough.when i give my mother in law money say 500 she will always think i have given my mum 5000-always ungrateful.
hubby is the first born-they educated him as they should-for the sore purpose that he should also educate the other siblings-they went on a baby making spree and have nine other kids who they did not take to school but expect hubby to do that.
after the honey moon we were keeping four of them-now we also have started having our own kids who have to go to good scghools
you can never get along with such parents-its impossible,with their youngest child being 5 only a year older than our son.
pa zed!with inlaws from the north yalikaba!
MOTHER IN LAW
June 5, 2013 at 10:28 am
@Truthful, I hope you truly have your own children and boys for that matter. You will see how segregative wives can be. I pity people with boys only, because it is the wife’s side that benefit more than his siblings or parents. Most women are not good to their mothers in law.
MC
June 5, 2013 at 10:41 am
Yaku…! That’s really a very sad and unfortunate scenario, my sister. Lesa amyafwe.
Comfort
June 5, 2013 at 12:13 pm
dats da problm wit marryn first borns/breadwinners-u tak on da whole family..in ur home!!!cant enjoy ur lyf mwandi.i feel for u.its always gud to marry ama last born(tho mamas boys) or better still rich families wer everyones independent.
cindy
June 5, 2013 at 12:23 pm
@motherinlaw you are right..i ve been there I know,what u talking abt exactly..the womans relatives,benefits,more n free to do anything around the house than the,mans…and some mother inlaws are,ungrateful..i give my mother inlaw,anything she can ask for.but stil, shes not appreciative..
truthful
June 5, 2013 at 12:39 pm
nway it takes a man to put his foot down and train the madam to love his family. i think poverty also is a big killer in our marriages.
mothers in law-or to be specific, my mother in law encourages hubby to have girlfriends as she feels she can easily manipulate the girls and get all she wants from her son.
am bemba myself,but believe bemba mother in laws are the worst becoz of such bemba sayings, uwakota asabilwa nabana.
i feel our lozi friends can be given 100% on this one,they have english manners than my tribesmen who feel the child has to pay back
kakolwe
June 5, 2013 at 1:43 pm
@truthful, very blinkerd view. It all depends on your outlook on life. My very own mum (mhsrip) made a friend of all her in-laws but my wife scorned her every attempt she made. I knew not why
shimpundumutombelakwipayaiyachepayalepuka
June 5, 2013 at 3:45 pm
Keep’em soft coz one day u’ll have to chew’em…..!
badass
June 5, 2013 at 4:07 pm
YAAH BAAAH
jj
June 5, 2013 at 4:19 pm
Ba mutasha fili kwi toobo!
cindym
June 5, 2013 at 5:25 pm
Ala ama inlaws bamo tabatasha..but if you really,love your spouse u cnt do nothing abt it ,u just ve to stick around ..kulasulakofye and give them whatever they want…they are more blessings in giving than receiving…God knows how to deal wit such people in his way..
CALLED WISE
June 6, 2013 at 4:37 am
I AM NOT MARRIED YET BUT I HEARD MY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO BE SAYING:’BAMENE BAZA KA KWATILA BANANA BANGA MUST TAKE CARE OF ME AND MY FAMILY’
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE SAY ABOUT IT?
COULD THAT BE A
GOOD/BAD SIGNAL?
HELP!
Comfort
June 6, 2013 at 4:55 am
@called wise dats a bad signal nd no offense to all but these days da old are living longer,so u spend all your gud years wit them by da tym they are dying u are so worn out wit stres dat u cant mourn them.
lets luk after them frm a ka distance(western union,swift cash etc).
am also nt yet married but his cousins,nephews,sisters,nieces,neighbours nd cats are alredy fightin ova which TEAM is gona make house with us.i thot pipo ar nw civilised bt no,not in africa.
and he thinks it will be an honour-Il leave his asss.
Comfort
June 6, 2013 at 4:56 am
@called wise dats a bad signal nd no offense to all but these days da old are living longer,so u spend all your gud years wit them by da tym they are dying u are so worn out wit stres dat u cant mourn them.
lets luk after them frm a ka distance(western union,swift cash etc).
am also nt yet married but his cousins,nephews,sisters,nieces,neighbours nd cats are alredy fightin ova which TEAM is gona make house with us.i thot pipo ar nw civilised bt no,not in africa.
and he thinks it will be an honour-Il leave his asss..
CALLED WISE
June 6, 2013 at 6:27 am
@ Comfort, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU ALSO MAKE MY 06H25 NEWS HEADLINE LAUGHTER WHEN YOU WROTE: nephews,sisters and cats ar fightin….
wife
June 6, 2013 at 8:45 am
Ubufi! Most mothers-in-law are so hard to get along with. I was in labour and she was just a few km away from my home/hospital but she never visited me at the hospital, and after delivery not even a fon call to say mwapusukeni yet she was told. Do you think I can freely go there alone or send my children to visit? My mother in law is such a PAIN! My husband sheds tears over her. When she visits she takes charge of our home, she tells me to stop cooking for my husband whenever she comes and I obey. Now, for how long will I be over obedient to her?
I think one day inkalufyanya!! Am fedup!!!!
Queen
June 6, 2013 at 9:00 am
@Wife, I feel for u n it seems u married Patience Ozokwo’s son (MamaG).
The most surprising thing is that themselves are women n probably went through it. You hardly hear of father-in-laws behaving in such a manner. The truth is that women live longer than men n not that Iam wishing death on anyone. God forbide! Thank God, I am overseas n only get see her very second yr but it doesnt mean she doesnt try. But hey, out of sight, out of trouble.
Gaddafi
June 6, 2013 at 9:01 am
When your Inlaw hurts u just know your Honey loves you excessively!!!!
To an extent that Apongozi gets jealousy,,
Being religious is the only solution..
Supermodel
June 6, 2013 at 12:48 pm
Fya kubuko tafyololwa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mwewa
June 6, 2013 at 2:35 pm
I was 5 months in marriage when mother in law brought a 7 year old child for us to keep. We were staying in a hotel room waiting for accommodation from the company. At first my hubby greed as I was at work when mother in law came. But I reminded my hubby on how we would be sleeping with the 7 year old, let alone make love as you know we were newly weds in a one room. I told my hubby we would not be having sex until we were accommodated because I was not comfortable doing it in the same room with the child. My hubby immediately told mother in law to go back with the child and bring her back when we were accommodated. Mother in law immediately started shouting at me, that I was the one that made hubby to change mind. She insulted all the bemba insults, telling me I was not there to see how she suffered to bring up the son. I was very scared and traumatised
kinky
June 18, 2013 at 10:11 am
my mother in law is very old but a sweet lady… she treats me and my husband like her grandchildren. she doesnt like the town life.. so i make sure she has all she needs in the village i love her so much…. and i do everything to please her..