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How Can I Stop My Brother From Marrying This Woman
My fellow readers of this great blog please I need your help urgently.
My younger brother wants to marry a woman who has two kids by two different men. She’s only 29 and already has a 9 year old and a four year old, both from different men she dated in the past. My brother is only 31 and I and other members of our family feel there are more decent women out there he can marry and not a young woman with two kids. We have tried to talk him out of it but he doesn’t want it to hear it.
It’snot even like she’s beautiful, well educated or rich so I don’t understand his obsession with this woman. How is he going to take care of two kids that are not his? What do we do? How do we get him to get away from this woman? There are some family members who believe he’s under a spell because his obsession with her and determination to marry her is not normal.
Confused sister
Posted by
Daniel
June 8, 2013 at 6:15 pm
They’re in love,just support them. If you think your brother is under a spell then pray over and seek God’s guidance.
chembe
June 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm
seriously this is trouble.these men will be calling his wife to know the well fare of their kids.try to ask him how he is going to handle the calls from his rivals.because i once married a girl with a kid from another guy and at first she told me they broke up and there was no support.when we got married the guy appeared.its hell on earth.it was a guy know we are talking of guys.
Papa. J
June 8, 2013 at 6:55 pm
Imagin you were that lady. Nothing is wrong just support them even if she 10 kids if they love each other let them
CASSIDY
June 8, 2013 at 6:55 pm
My dear sister love is blind,there s nothing that you can do but just to support him.in bemba we say akoni kekala umuti katemwene.
Mushota'Dog
June 8, 2013 at 6:55 pm
And you are a woman, What is wrong with you women sometimes you forget that you also have the ability to reproduce. I bet you have a boy friend. Now imagine if that boyfriend lied to you and you got pregnant in the process and the he ran away. Lookin at the gaping with this woman’s children I would not say she was promiscuous but probably unlucky in love. so put yourself in her shoes just because one has children outside marriage it does not mean that they are not decent.
Akapondo
June 8, 2013 at 8:14 pm
do you want to marry him, marry your brother then bcz ur jerous of him. thats rubish bcz u dnt know what went wrong for her to hav two kids.
Fb
June 8, 2013 at 8:18 pm
Who re u to judge her. nabatemwana n marriage z a personal choice balekeni tata yo bro z a man 31 nt a boy. if she were educated or rich nga ta mule pakala
CALLED WISE
June 8, 2013 at 8:28 pm
POINTS TO CONSIDER:
*ASK HIM IF HE WILL LOVE THOSE KIDS AS HIS OWN.
*HAS THE LADY COMPLETELY SWITCHED OFF ANY LINK WITH THE KIDS’FATHERS?(IF NO, YOUR BROTHER WON’T SURVIVE WITH JEALOUSY HEAT’
*WHAT WENT WRONG FOR THE LADY TO BE DESERTED OR LEFT BY BOTH GUYS?(WHOSE’S FAULT?,MAY BE HER CHARACTERS.YOUR BROTHER MAY ALSO LEAVE HER AFTER THEY HAVE A CHILD)
*MAY BE THE LADY LEARNT HER LESSON AND NOW NEEDS A 3rd AND LAST TRY.(YOUR BROTHER MAY BE HER LAST BUS STATION)
*MAY BE SHE IS ‘I WANT SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS’ TYPE OF LADIES.I ONCE KNEW THIS LADY(WE NEVER WENT TO BED),SHE LEFT ME ONLY TO APPEAR AFTER MONTHS WITH A BABY ASKING ME A SECOND CHANCE ADDING THAT SHE NEEDED A MAN TO RAISE HER KID.
IN SUMMARY,THIS ISSUE NEEDS SERIOUS ATTENTION BESIDE LOVE.
Vasco Handez Kabs
June 8, 2013 at 9:05 pm
tell your broyher that we only Live once ,life is precious……….
joze
June 9, 2013 at 12:20 pm
MAN YOU ARE VERY RIGHT, HOPE THESE IMPORTANT POINTS WILL BE CONSIDERED
mj
June 8, 2013 at 11:22 pm
Tawishibe efyo amupela mu bed. Aliyumfwikisha and you think he can listen to the advice. The guy knows what he will be missing in this woman.
Musiye mwine azidya.
Dee
June 8, 2013 at 11:53 pm
it a tricky situation but if they both love each other i reckon u should leave them to marry and who said one cant marry a woman with kids.The tricky part is that is he going to love the kids or he just enjoying something from the woman that he cant let go.i was once told that it vital to use your brains to make decisions not your nuts,Hope that’s wat he is doing.All the best.
k1
June 9, 2013 at 2:56 am
Whn a man loves a woman nothing can stop him & wit kids it automatic 2 love dem because of de love he hs 4 dere mum. & sisters mothers ar alwyz against de brothers wives why is it like dat?
Democrat
June 9, 2013 at 5:27 am
Your brother has tasted the fobbiden fruit, who are you to say no? maayo balekeni abeene bayonawile.
TimZ
June 9, 2013 at 7:34 am
Yo concerns may genuine sis but there is little u can do. Yo bro has made up his mind already & only God can change him. I ‘ve a friend who married a young lady with 1 kid. Dis kid was a source of fights in there home. Each time my friend wanted to correct the child, da mother said u hate my child. Support frm da the father to girl, brot fights again. The fights are now over dat da father came to get the child. Hope yo bro will not ‘ve such experience. Gud lucky.
Alfred
June 9, 2013 at 8:00 am
The problem is, people think the good woman to marry is a virgin but there’r a few or no virgins these days, u can only get a woman with kids or 1 tired with abortions, so its better to marry the 1 with kids than the 1 who’l never give u kids due to abortion complications.
Jr Shibukombe
June 9, 2013 at 8:15 am
Under such circumstances it is very difficult to have the man chnge his mind. But he must be made live to the following facts:
1. Does he really LOVE the lady or it is just pity he has PITY for her?
2. There is nothing like- “I will love your child just like my own
3. Whether the lady says she has completely cut off the links with the biological father to the child, the fact is the man has SOME RIGHTS over the child. he cannot be CUT OFF completely. So there will always be comminication between the two former love birds.
4.How is her relationship with the children’s father’s relatives? They can also influence a come-back
5. Lastly, if he can survive the pressure and not say in the near future “I WISH I HAD LISTENED” then let him go ahead and he must be supported.
6. The Bemba’s say “UWAINGILA MUMUSHITU…..” and also “AKULASANIKWA”
fortune makoni
June 9, 2013 at 8:43 am
wondering how sweet her forbidden fruit is,you brother is a flop.
Mr.right
June 9, 2013 at 8:43 am
He has been charmed.Need serious prayers!Even me I can’t allow my bro to do that when there are so many fresh ones.He cn even marry a 23 year fresh one.
IYE
June 9, 2013 at 8:48 am
This is really tricky honestly…iyeee!!!Commmunication with the fathers to the two kids can never evr be cut off…enven as we speak…the lady still sees these guys/or rest guarated she will soone or later….women being what they are…ATI IBALA LYAKALE…!!!
kakolwe
June 9, 2013 at 9:59 am
A lady firing against a lady in relation to riches & relations. I wish janet c could come out of retirement & air heer views. As for me, ba sister to the man muli cipuba, Love transcends all yo misgivings
Jeff
June 9, 2013 at 10:30 am
It is difficult to advise. The marriage might or might not florish, only God knows. We are just human. As for you sister to the gentleman, are you alrady married? If not please remain quiet.
CALLED WISE
June 9, 2013 at 11:04 am
WHEN YOU CUT OFF A GOAT’S HEAD, ITS EYES ARE ALWAYS OPEN.
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE IT ALWAYS WANTS TO SEE WHERE ITS MEAT IS BEING TAKEN.
I MEAN, FATHERS TO THOSE KIDS WILL ALWAYS BE ON THIS MAN’S TAIL.
IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD NOT TAKE SOME BLOGGERS’ADVICE LIGHTLY.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A ONE WEEK-TRIP.IT’S LIKE THE RAIN.
-WE SAY:’WHEN IS IT GOING TO RAIN?’
-THEN WE SAY:’IT’S ENOUGH’
-FINALLY WE SAY:’IT’S TOO MUCH’
T
June 9, 2013 at 11:28 am
Woman who are u to start deciding who ur brother shud or shud not marry…. One way or the other we all have our cross to carry… Just pray bout it but if God wants em to be together thy,ll surely be together nd u,ll hv to accept it…. U cant ruin ur brothers happiness
peter
June 9, 2013 at 11:30 am
Your part was to advise your brother which u did the remaining part is 4 him.I had a similar situation where my brother wanted to marry some one older than him with 2 kids and HIV positive.We tryd 2 advise but he couldn’t listen, we left him 2 follow his heart.Three years down da line he z talking of divorcing after discovering everything and we ve said no 2 divorce.So leave him, but support him.
lisa k
June 9, 2013 at 12:14 pm
Let them marry my dear if they love each other.who are we to judge them.
cindy
June 9, 2013 at 12:26 pm
Such issues are not surprising…i ve a sister in marriag who has four kids from different men and got married to my husbands brother..he loves this woman…his mother tried to stop him from marrying her even kicking her out of the house but nothing worked out…anyway they re stil married n have another child thats,makes the total of five kids..Love is between two people..and if they were meant for each other they will marry…
Mr wise
June 9, 2013 at 12:29 pm
She possess periodic decimals e.g 2/11=0.1818181818 and what will make yo brother not to be an option one day for her next priority?
Chairman
June 9, 2013 at 1:34 pm
You should in the first place apologise to your brother and allow him to sail on the open seas of life,try to guide him as he has made that decision. Help him through the storm he is about to go through and be a brother to him, help him own up to his decision. He might just be a better man, we all devils most of the time. Pray for him to the God Who Is In Heaven and leave all to Him that’s through Jesus Christ Who Died On The Cross. for all who have sinned.
shakaz
June 9, 2013 at 2:07 pm
Engage your brother and pin him down to state why he feels he must marry this woman. Depending on the reasons, it could be necessary to book him an appointment ku Chainama. Marriage is a long term relationship. Will he face all the challenges posed by a woman with two kids from different men?
leemarvin
June 9, 2013 at 4:40 pm
It doesnt matter how many kids she has as long your brother loves this lady from the bottom of his heart,cheers my brothe go ahead and marry her,she is lucky among womwen not married with kids.
Alvin Chipmunk
June 9, 2013 at 6:05 pm
Lets face the facts. This guy will have problems in future if he marries a woman with two kids, from two different men for matter. The problem may not be from the wife, but from the fathers of the children who under normal circumstances, will have access to the children and their mother too. The sister is right. Will this guy be ready to allow the fathers to come to his home to see the children or give his wife money for the children? If not, will he still be able to allow his wife to take the children herself to their fathers (if they are below 7 years)? Unless he is a Chainama case, he should take heed of his relatives’ advice not to marry this woman. Is he a saviour? Eko ali eko uyu mwnanakashi aleimya amolu? Why didn’t the first man marry her? And why did the second man marry her too? A lot of questions can be posed kuli uyu guy? He has ears but can’t hear and he has eyes but can’t see. Iyeee mwebantu,,…
jinx
June 9, 2013 at 7:55 pm
Infact am da father to one of thoz kids, so tel yo bro that I won’t stop bonking da lady, let him marry!
Mushota's Dog
June 10, 2013 at 2:54 am
Alvin the “Koswe”, Oh sorry Chipmunk It is lying cheating men like you who make women like her exist. If our zambian men were honest and not lying cheating sexual deviants, women in her situation would be non existent. Suppose it was your sister with the first pregnancy she was date raped by her boyfriend, then the second one the fiancé cheated on her or run off with another whore what would be your take. Sometimes try to think out of the box stop expressing your illiteracy online
given
June 10, 2013 at 6:11 am
am 30 and looking for a women with 1 kid am i warped in thought?
Akapondo
June 10, 2013 at 8:29 am
imagin that girl she is your sis or its you. how would you feel some one saying you can not marry the man you love because of having two kids with different fathers. let the man make a concrete decision as long as he is not charmed
munyaule
June 10, 2013 at 9:04 am
imagin that girl she is your sis or its you. how would you feel some one saying you can not marry the man you love because of having two kids with different fathers. let the man make a concrete decision as long as he is not charmed
katele
June 10, 2013 at 11:07 am
thats why they love is blind,what you see he does not see it and what he sees you do not see it.when you love someone you see beyond children, what if your bro is not ok and he want to keep the children as he.
kakolwe
June 11, 2013 at 4:02 am
@chimpmunk the alvin, that is childish reasoning. Everytime you see a shibwinga ask yourself how many thighs he has spread or assses ‘fulamikad’ for that innocent virgin bride to accept him.
Best Dota inlaw of the year
June 11, 2013 at 3:59 pm
Bwafya.. ndelolesha
Best Dota inlaw of the year
June 11, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Bwafya.. ndelolesha, intensive care unit
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mwewa
June 12, 2013 at 2:27 pm
sis,wat is wrong in marrying some 1 who already hs kids? 4 u is it a crime 2 have kids b4 marriage?suppose this z yo dota we r talkin abt hw cn u feel if she faces same situation?som pipo myt b single en no kid at all bt d u kno hw many arbotions they av had,konka umutima wa muntu thats wat mataz most!!!!leave yo bro 2 marry this poor lady”the1 that looks afta the otha cannot be known!!
De Lady
June 12, 2013 at 4:10 pm
Why do that limbi umwanakashi alamumfwisha bwino in bed and can never, never, never leave her?? iwe…bedroom issues are difficult to understand. so mulekefye mu enjoy
Anthony chisanga
June 14, 2013 at 11:32 am
IAM VERY SORRY THIS YOUNG MAN IS TO YOUNG TO MARRY A WOMAN WITH TWO CHILDREN ,YOUNG MAN CAN YOU FIND YOUNG GIRLS SINGLE THAT YOU CAN MARRY? 2 ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP THOSE TWO CHILDREN?,AND YOU WOMAN HOW CAN YOU HAVE CHILDREN WITH DIFFERENT FATHERS WHEN YOU ARE ONLY 29YRS . DO YOU GO TO CHURCH OR ARE YOU A BORN CHILD OF GOD? SORRY YOU BETTER BE. IF YOU LOVE THAT YOUNG MAN NOW UFWILE UCHINDIKE NAUMFWA NKASHI YAKWE IFYO ALELANDA LIMBI TAMWAKEKALE UMUTENDE PANTU UMULUMENDO NA CEPA UKUPA IWE NABANA BABILI.
Bwinji'mfumu
June 15, 2013 at 3:02 am
Pity the young lady.
1. she 29yrs
2. Her first child is 9 meaning she conceived at age 19 thereabout. probably when in grade 12 and the boy responsible was a former classmate who run away.
3. at age 25 she thought she met a man of her dreamz who promised to take care of her and her kid. tasted the fruitlike someone put it, got the girl pregnant and fled.
sombedy to continue with my analysis. am tired and need to retire…
idrahaje
June 17, 2013 at 4:57 am
Sister, i am sorry to burst your bubbles but there is nothing you cant do for the one you love.there are reasons why she ended up with two kids with two baby daddies. Butt off!
kinky
June 18, 2013 at 9:30 am
iwe maybe your brother sa bala(low sperm count) he wants to adopt those children
ati bwa
June 18, 2013 at 3:23 pm
At least she has proved her fertility……..
IT MY TIME
October 10, 2013 at 1:57 pm
IT IS NOT A PROBLEM, IF HE LOVE THE WOMAN THEN WHAT IS WRONG IT. PLEASE GIVE PROPER REASONS TO YOU STOPPING HIM.THEN ARE YOU THE ONE WHO IS GONE TO LIVE HER. ABOUT CHILDREN THEIR ARE A GIFT FROM GOD. (BALEKENI NA BA TEMWANA) YOU WILL END UP FORCING HIM TO BE IN A RELATION WITH THE WASTE PERSON DO YOU BELIEVE IN A GOD GIVEN PARTNER PLEASE PRAY AND LET GOD GIVE YOU WISDOM OVER IT. GDAY
Sobongo
October 10, 2013 at 2:10 pm
Would it have been different if she was beautiful or rich? I think, you have got it all wrong sis. First reconcile with what the real issue is, before asking us to help you, you are mixed up.