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Easterners And Their Funny Names, Its ‘Crazy’!
MY THOUGHTS ON SUNDAY with CHARLES CHISALA
LAST week I found myself locked in a light-hearted ‘quarrel’ with one of the ardent readers of this column via the internet.
I had just demanded to know why my beloved cousins in Eastern Province have this strange propensity for giving their children the names of motor vehicle parts and makes.
The reader, Sonnile Zulu, is apparently from the east because he or she accused me and Bembas in general of ‘misspeaking’ and ‘misusing’ English.
Sure, BaSonny?
Sonnile swore that the talk about easterners giving their children names of motor vehicle parts and makes is nothing but part of a smear campaign against her tribe (Ngonis) by the “malicious Bembas”.
“Are you not the same people who sing ‘forward mama forward’ when you are actually moving backwards?” Sonnile said.
BaSonny, I know that you people from the east are just jealous of our beautiful akalela dance.
Is it a crime for me to advise my cousins to humbly ask the Bembas to donate some of their wonderful names to them? There is no need to name your children after motor vehicle parts and makes.
Surely, how could loving parents name their innocent baby as Crankshaft Zulu?
And there was a guy who appeared in a magistrate’s court a couple of years ago in Chipata. Even the magistrate could not help laughing when he was reading out the charge to the accused person.
“Are your full names Radiator Phiri?” the magistrate asked as the courtroom erupted into laughter. “Yes, your worship,” Radiator answered.
The magistrate hadn’t heard nothin’ yet! Three of the witnesses whom the prosecution called as State witnesses were Cylinderhead Ngoma, Steeringwheel Jere and Alternator Daka.
I am told that those names are quite common in almost all the districts of Eastern Province.
In fact, a reliable source confided to me that when President Sata went to Chipata Central Constituency last weekend to drum up support for Patriotic Front candidate Lameck Mangani some of the locals treacherously changed their names to escape taunts from their tribal cousins.
For example, the source said, one Engine Daka suddenly started telling people to call him Justin Bwalya, while his cousin Startermotor Lungu became Evans Bwalya.
And I know one taxi driver in Lusaka, Injectorpump Lungu, whose first born child is Ignition. He has even confided to me that his uncle, Sparkplug Mwale, has a son named Headlamp.
These people do not have any sense of shame when it comes to names. One day I gave a lift to a couple from Lusaka West to the city centre.
They had a three-year-old boy whom they introduced to me as Indicator Daka.
I have heard of a headman of some village in Katete district whose name is Wiperblade Tembo. His second born child is called Dashboard.
Now they have even extended their innovation to motor vehicle makes. I have already heard of Spacio Daka, Alteza Njovu and Ipsum Mwanza.
My question to you, my dear cousins, is why are you obsessed with motor vehicles? Can’t you people find better names to give your children?
And why do you give these funny names mostly to male children? It is not fair, you know. If you have run out of names just be humble enough and ask us to donate some to you.
The manufacturers of the motor vehicles whose names you are giving your children will start taking you to court for violating their patent rights.
I don’t want to hear anyone bearing the name Piston, Flywheel, Sprinter or Caldina.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Recently. I was in the Cairo Road Shoprite supermarket waiting for my wife, who was doing her monthly shopping inside. A couple came out, each spouse holding two plastic bags bulging with shopping.
I suspected they had come from church because it was around 12:00 hours.
They were with a little boy aged between three and four, who was putting up quite a racket, apparently demanding a share of the contents of one of the plastic bags the mother was carrying.
The boy’s father, a decently dressed man donning a new jeans overcoat, wouldn’t take the nonsense. He stopped to wait for the mother and the crying child.
When they caught up with him he turned round and, without warning, unleashed a vicious swipe, catching the boy between the jaw and neck and sending him sprawling on the tiled shop corridor.
Everyone gasped in disbelief!
But the man had made a big mistake. Several women – shoppers and fruit vendors – confronted him and demanded to know why he was beating a child like that in public.
One woman, who was selling oranges, tenderly picked up the yelling boy and handed him over to his fuming mother, who joined in the condemnation of her husband.
“Bushe mwana wabo nangu wakusanga mung’anda (Is he his step son)?” the vendor demanded.
The child’s mother said the man was the biological father and made it clear that he would not get away with such abuse of her child.
“Baba kwati balipena aba. Kuti muleuma umwana kwati mukulu munenu (he behaves as if he is mad this man; how can you beat a child like that as if you are beating an adult)?” she fumed.
The man just stood there without uttering a word. But a horde of taxi drivers, hawkers, car washers and street kids surrounded him and took turns in castigating him.
“Iwe cimudala, bushe mwana obe uyu uleuma so (man, is this your own child you are beating like this)?” one of the car washers asked him, menacingly waving an empty plastic bag in his face as a street kid closed in on him from the left with clenched fists.
Another hawker was tugging at the trapped child abuser’s jeans overcoat from behind as the others cheered. The man looked foolish indeed.
He knew that if he mishandled the situation he would attract a thorough thrashing from the self-styled ‘children’s rights defenders’.
His wife was now pleading with the mob to spare him despite what he had done.
After he was finally ‘released’ following the intervention of security guards the man sheepishly joined her and the shrieking boy, and the three started walking away.
The female orange vendor gave him a parting shot, “Be careful next time. Don’t you know you can be beaten for mistreating your child like that?”
I shuddered to imagine what the woman and the children must have been going through at home at the hands of that cruel man. But I was also proud of Zambians for their love for children.
Posted by Editor
on July 28, 2013. Filed under LIFE & STYLE, STYLE.
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whizz kid
July 28, 2013 at 11:38 am
what’s this rubbish?
mulenga mulenga mulenga
July 28, 2013 at 11:39 am
Easterners are better of if they hav such names. The confusion is in bembaland imwe.. The dad is mutale mutale, mother is mutale mutale, the daughter is mutale mutale and son is mutale mutale..what is yo problem? Now in eastern , if u find Neckless phiri is definately a lady , Cosafa Tembo is always for a man..and these are of meaning..so tell me wats da meaning of mutale mutale?
mulenga mulenga mulenga
July 28, 2013 at 11:40 am
Easterners are better of if they hav such names. The confusion is in bembaland imwe.. The dad is mutale mutale, mother is mutale mutale, the daughter is mutale mutale and da son is mutale mutale..what is yo problem? Now in eastern , if u find Neckless phiri is definately a lady , Cosafa Tembo is always for a man..and these are of meaning..so tell me wats da meaning of mutale mutale?..
Scotch
July 28, 2013 at 12:32 pm
wat abt the HH names?
real yellow jenalist
July 28, 2013 at 12:40 pm
Such a long article on balderdash!
Frank
July 28, 2013 at 1:20 pm
This is the humorous way to go bloggers than the tribal and personal insults peddled on the net.
Tabita
July 28, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Mxxxm, whr is lusaka hustle kanshi. This rubbish naona che plastic bag, shoprite, horde etc… Boring to read mwe. Suna nvele che ulesi polemba malabishi aya
PSYCHOLOGIST
July 28, 2013 at 2:18 pm
Greateast Tembo, Condom Mwanza, ATF Gondwe, Diesel Zulu, Yalikosa pa eastern.
kambwili
July 28, 2013 at 3:31 pm
diasister heroes stadium mbewe, too much mwee!!!
Orgasm Banda
July 28, 2013 at 7:20 pm
eastern mudala plety of names nikusankhapo chabe…..
chipuba chandi ukwa chilufya
July 28, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Someone actually sat on a computer to write this rubbish?
KNOXX
July 28, 2013 at 9:40 pm
ndiye camene cinaluzisa pf na mangani kamba kamba ka ku joking pali vintu va serious. Honestly how can this fool waste our time and airtime reading useless article. Lets learn to respect people. There time to joke and time to be serious. This is not READ WHILE LAUGH what it is. Tumfweko,u must be serious as wel.
Click To See More
July 28, 2013 at 9:59 pm
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Twiggyjinx
July 28, 2013 at 10:45 pm
Serious speaking, this article doesn’t make sense, lets be educative.
Hate Foolishness
July 29, 2013 at 12:04 am
Chill out. Not everything has to be educative.
Hate Foolishness
July 29, 2013 at 12:02 am
Love, love this article! Particularly the description of the scene where a father beat his child in public. Good writing.
By the way, I knew a guy named Diarrhoea Phiri.
Mushota C
July 29, 2013 at 2:33 am
Charles Chisala your article is sh*t. Ulepepa bwino dobo.
FTC
July 29, 2013 at 4:26 am
On a serious note there is a big guy in Kafue town called Piston Hangoma. Apparently the fella has very good driving skills and he is very proud of his name. Nice guy this Piston!!
likaki nyau nyau
July 29, 2013 at 5:57 am
Eastern names…
Tivalenji, Tilyenji, Nyengiwe, Misozi (tears ), mabvuto (problems), Matsauso (bothers), other modern ones are: Aldehyde Lungu, Ringroad Sakala, Millennium Njobvu
Bwalya freddy
July 29, 2013 at 6:58 am
am a bemba but can not support this. What i see in this is nothing but stupidity,naughtness,impudence,etc. Dnt espect evry tribe to live the way u want.seriously, this is shit.
nchenga
July 29, 2013 at 7:12 am
thats why pf lost in eastern coz of such jokes.how do joke like this? This article was suppose to b educativ lik some1 unlik the fool is opposes. Am not an easterner but can not appreciate this nonsense.
one pastor
July 29, 2013 at 7:14 am
we can have funny names but our bemba cousins are blessed with the gifts of-insults,crookedness and lies.
Air Mukwai_
July 29, 2013 at 8:14 am
So what?
The lambas have names like folk, spoon, cabbage,
2. Tongas have common names Habakkuk, Hebrew, hester. Hisaac, Habram, hesenke, hasingo, hapenga, haluchiso, hatobolo, heavy hihilemende, or hachilema, hakitwe, hingina, hambuka,
pompolyongo
July 29, 2013 at 10:04 am
new names in town
1.army worms tembo
2.gender based violence Zulu
3.subsidies banda
PAY HAY
July 29, 2013 at 10:14 am
Do not exeggerate. We know there funny names in Eastern province but no the way the writer put it. Do u think Easterners are crazy. do articles that carry an element of truth not such cheap and low level CHIMBUYASHIP which I do not support even if i am Bemba.
The other story makes sad reading. That chap must be from Northern Province. It the only place where u get mad people. No manners.
Mundia M
July 30, 2013 at 3:13 pm
Where are your manners here? Drawing conclusions from without! F00L!
Mailoni blazas
July 29, 2013 at 11:09 am
Stop this rubbish talk, of all things u talkin of names. Do something bangwele
G
July 29, 2013 at 11:48 am
its good to laugh at time.
Jts good for our not always fi rubbish newss
margaritar
July 29, 2013 at 12:06 pm
This Bemba man. How do you write an article na ulesi ulibe. What about names like mutale CHISHALA, Bwalya CHIBALE, CHOLA mwansa, MWANSA KABINGA,SHONONGO CHIBWE, Navinyake navinyake (etc)
Pyepye
July 29, 2013 at 12:26 pm
you have forgotten about TOLE (testicle)
Prince Charming
July 29, 2013 at 12:56 pm
fun article indeed!
ndolaman
July 29, 2013 at 3:52 pm
A censors of the Zambian prisons shows there more Bembas in Prison than any other tribe. Why is that
WITTGEINSTEIN
July 30, 2013 at 1:42 pm
THERE ARE MORE BEMBAS THAN ANY OTHER TRIBE IN ZAMBIA. SO STATISTICALLY THEIR POPULATION WILL BE MORE IN PRISONS.
THAT IS ALSO WHY BEMBAS ALSO RULE.
I BET THAT HURTS!!
Pafwenamwine
July 29, 2013 at 9:12 pm
Easterners are our best previous tribal cousins. The bond is so strong such that even during funerals it’s makes it easy to go through that testing and difficult time. It is for these reasons we laugh, share happiness and sorrow. This article is not about laughing or a shaming our best cousins but to remind ourselves about the un breakable bond that is deep routed in our profound humility and humbleness we share. So cousins there is SIM card , iPhone, iPad, diesel, condom, exhaust , window screen just to mention a few.
A ngoni man was fighting Bemba . Both hand handful of support cheering. The ngoni were shouting encouraging battlefield Banda baba chimenye Lamazo then my brother was say Pamaso Pena tawangumepo. The Bemba continued to his private parts mistakenly thought pamazo meant pubic hair. So we joke about each . Very a good night
Pafwenamwine
July 29, 2013 at 9:16 pm
Easterners are our best previous tribal cousins. The bond is so strong such that even during funerals it’s makes it easy to go through that testing and difficult time. It is for these reasons we laugh, share happiness and sorrow. This article is not about laughing or a shaming our best cousins but to remind ourselves about the un breakable bond that is deep routed in our profound humility and humbleness we share. So cousins there is SIM card , iPhone, iPad, diesel, condom, exhaust , window screen just to mention a few.
A ngoni man was fighting Bemba . Both hand handful of support cheering. The ngoni were shouting encouraging battlefield Banda baba chimenye pamazo then my brother was saying Pamaso Pena tawangumepo. The Bemba continued to cover his private parts mistakenly thought pamazo meant pubic hair. So we joke about each . good night
chilufya
July 29, 2013 at 9:27 pm
pafwe u dnt thnk and undrstand thngs. We hav time to jok,at a very good place not on public site lik this one. Mind u that u re not the only to read this.mind the way u jok. This is misleading expecialy people visiting.wil u be there to explain yo cousinship.sata and pf lost in chipat coz of joking while pipo expected to hear good.
sugo power
July 29, 2013 at 9:55 pm
I think this guy is crazy, what about polopela Bwalya,pencil mulenga and zimandola chanda
Aldehyde Phiri
July 29, 2013 at 11:12 pm
If you’ve no tribal cousins or mwakwata icimbuya cakufaela FOOSEK. Wakumbwa fye. Ifwe calilila na bambuya. Mutale Mutale mwaume, must marry my daughter Magrim Phiri. Hey! we also like to cut names: they call me Aldi, Steering is Stiya, Mitsubishi is Miso.
chitwa Nsombo
July 30, 2013 at 3:21 am
What a waste of space from the writer.
Great minds discuss Ideas.
Ordinary minds discuss invents.
Simple minds discuss people.
What is a name? Can the writer prove his allegations by providing a document or IDs with the alleged names? Does the writer know that most of the parts and other stuff were named after the inventor? If you name your child as beauty is she going to be beautiful? How many people with names like cleaver are cleaver? Can you explain the names like Pivot Simwanza, Lookwel Bwale, headwall Chansa and many more. Are they from the east? Above all what have you gained from your name? Whatever the name. What matters is the personal intelligence,personal achievement and peacy with God.
Please get a life and move forward. I wonder why Tumfweko could sink so low to allow such a an archaic article from a person who sinks so low to display his ignorance in public.Go any where in the world you will find names that are funny yet no one talks about them apart from lunatics such as the writer. Tell us about a name like Winter.
Tribal cousins
July 30, 2013 at 7:29 am
Bemba-Ngoni cimbuya ni tight. Whoever is pained by this article must just cry. Cikonko mwikate alile, cikonko mwikate alile, cikonko mwikate alile, cikonko mwikate alile, cikonko mwikate alile, cikonko mwikate alile, cikonko mwikate alile, cikonko mwika…
true bemba
July 30, 2013 at 8:10 am
I know and heard of names like University nyirenda,Sky banda,Romance,Chance etc any way they are good names and a i like them.
Maawe
July 30, 2013 at 10:17 am
Ba pipo bambi, ni comboni chabe…..made my day…LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maawe
July 30, 2013 at 10:24 am
I have heard of a someone called Chinyenge.
Elijah Ngwale on radio once said,’ A Chiluba anatinyenga wenye, kwabwela a Mwanawasa na yeve atinyenga….., a Lupiya anatiyenga …, manje a Sata afuna atinyenge….’ The whole panel was laughing including listeners…
Zed is wonderful…….
chimbuya ni laka
July 30, 2013 at 11:52 am
There is nthng to b upset abt it’s jst chimbuya u pipo.de writr took his tim sharing wat he has in mind nd I c nthng wrong wit dat.if u knw wat he wrote is shit y cnt u jump read anothr story nd yet u wst tim readng nd evn commentng lol mwangu fwisha bwino.leav de writr alon ladies nd gentlemen.
Chalice
July 30, 2013 at 7:42 pm
Our mbuyas move with time,in 2001 they named there children eclipse lungu,then they continued wit celtel Dhaka,its not reachable lungu very mad easterners.
Bwamba Butali
July 31, 2013 at 9:12 am
I had a boss by the name of Gearbox Nyirenda but we used to shorten it as Gear
Eastern tiger
August 1, 2013 at 2:01 am
The author could’ve used his time much more constructively and channeled his energy towards a more constructive venture. He’s just shown his ignorance and stupidity. Fool
bigbodybuilder
July 29, 2013 at 4:28 pm
I knew a Homo Hangala.
kekekekeke!