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Dear Readers: Should I Marry This guy?
From female reader,I’ve dated this guy for five years now. During these periods we’ve been having series of problems. On one occasion he beats me up on the process dislocate my finger (which is still paining me) all because I met another lady in his house. He embarrassed me several occasions (calling me names and shouting) in front of my office, my house and on the road. All these happen when he had no job. His intentions had always to marry me but because of his peevish, nagging and jealous attitude I was keeping the marriage on hold. Despite all this I think he’s the only man that ever showed me true love.
Early last year God blessed him with a good job and that was the period I told him I don’t think I can continue with him again. Since he has gotten a GOOD JOB, he should go and look for someone that will cherish him more. But he insisted that am the one he wants, that he’s a changed person. We drag it till December 2013 when I expected him back.
Since this year I’ve not set my eyes on him, though we are staying in the same town. I don’t know where he’s leaving now because he moved from his old apartment. Anytime I called to see him. He’ll give me an excuse but recently he called to tell me that I should please give him sometime to settle everything. That he wants us to start a new leaf, which I believed him somehow.
My fear now is whether he has truly changed from his attitude because I don’t want to end up marrying the same old him.
Posted by
Anonymous
March 6, 2014 at 1:11 pm
Who gives a sh!t?
shibob
March 6, 2014 at 1:18 pm
My dear sister that man is not meant for you Just move on.He has wasted too much time for you.He is not serious and will never be,Period.
steve
March 6, 2014 at 1:23 pm
men do not change if they love you then nothing will stop them from that and if they do not love you, nothing will make them to love you.
?
March 6, 2014 at 1:32 pm
limbi walemutana, eficitika kukumwena akalepeela.
INONSHITA ALISANGA NAKA CLEANER KACIPELE-PELE
madam in red
March 6, 2014 at 1:41 pm
Yaba! Iwe read in between th lines th guy dosnt wnt u nownda hs nt geting close 2u nmo. Hw do u evn expect him 2 marry u? Ba Tumfweko nabo nama stories yabo. Ahh!
proffesor
March 6, 2014 at 1:52 pm
U see young lady,it is good that u hve known the character of that man before u go into his bedroom.What u shud know is that there is fight in all marriage and reason is that u want to know more about yo partner viz.During this is period u ll face a lot of problem but only secret KUSHIPIKISHA, there will be a time when things ll chance to good.learn his dots,does and character for u to achieve yo marriage goals
me
March 7, 2014 at 5:18 pm
WRONG ADVICE.
Kwalanga
March 10, 2014 at 9:47 am
****** advice there please, thank you.
Eshu the Comfuser of men.
March 6, 2014 at 2:11 pm
five years is experience enough for you two to know each other well than us who can just brag and advise from without….. please must be for each other because if you leave for another chap it will take some years and regrets in the end.. my dear consider your age as well……you mean well for each other ” mwalishibana”…….
Trixy
March 6, 2014 at 2:33 pm
I think you are a nice lady. Most ladies these DAYS are just gold diggers, but you were with this guy when he had no job and tolerated all his nonsence. I should think the reason you did not leave him when he wasn’t working; despite all his faults is because you didn’t want him to think you didn’t want him coz he wasn’t working. So you decided to let him go when he started working. Bravo to you!! Very few ladies are like you!! My advise to you is that go and tell this man the way you feel. Maybe he is not sure because you let him go at first even encouraging him to find someone else. After you talk to him about your feelings and what you expect from him; then let him make an informed decision. “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, then it is yours. If it doesn’t, it was never meant to be.” GOOD LUCK!
The Academician
March 10, 2014 at 10:29 am
It appears a point is being missed here. The lady has been in employment earlier and longer than the man. It is the lady that has been putting the marriage formalities on hold, but why? Five years is too much because the two have ended up meeting other people to whom they are doing some comparative analysis and this cannot work. Now that the man has a good job, it appears one wants to revive the affair. It cannot work. Go separate ways
Political Giant
March 6, 2014 at 3:24 pm
This is one sided story.What I know is that a man only leaves a woman when she is a problem, ****** and boring. Probably you want him most now because he has good job,why are you attaching relationship to work. Jobs can go anytime through pruning or dismissal. Marriage is for better for worse
Zick Kolala
March 6, 2014 at 5:28 pm
Same town, new job, he has a new girl. Move on or wait until he is back
jamakudi
March 6, 2014 at 6:04 pm
Trixy, good observation. Move on my dear lady, there is nothing 4 u there but heart ache.
P1
March 6, 2014 at 7:15 pm
The period you have been dating is long enough to even leaders thru election coz s term lasts for 5years.
cyprus
March 6, 2014 at 7:28 pm
my sister…..a man who is worth your tears will never make you cry….he will make it a daily objective to make you happy. .so the only question that remains is: is this man worth your tears? answer that question and then decide…..wish you the best.
sata
March 6, 2014 at 10:24 pm
If you ever marry that crazy guy then you are confused yourself five years is more than enough to have learnt about his habits. Please dear sister move on find a better man who will love you with respect.
Summer Kabimba
March 6, 2014 at 10:46 pm
My sister,let me tell you one thing.People never change.He is not good for you and if you ever marry him,disaster awaits you.Am talking from experience,it has happened to me and also to people close to me.If something does look good,its because its not good at all.A leopard can never change its spots.
CHIPASA "INGE"
March 6, 2014 at 10:52 pm
The fact is; He does not want to let go of you just because he wants to keep you hostage for sex BUT you are not a priority to him and therefore the chances of togetherness are very slim but probably when he becomes a very useless person. Think and take action NOW!
Patrick Tembo
March 7, 2014 at 4:14 am
you are at sixes and sevenths.He has shown you the behavior of a chameleon the past what guarantee is the that he has changed.Wake up lady and get the one you love and the one who loves too.Leave that guy for street women.You looking for respect and man wants fantasy.You are diametrically opposed to each other.Do not give it further perseverance move on with life.You only live once and tomorrow will be too late.
Darling
March 7, 2014 at 5:03 am
My dear sister, pls do not go aheard, you will regret for the rest of your life. If he really loved you, he would have proposed marriage long time even before he got a job. You have kept him and now he has a job, pls just release him out of your consciousness and your mind, he is an abuser period. He will destroy you destiny if you feel pity on him and pretend this is what they say true love, it is not. Pls you have life and is more precious than being abused emotionally and physically. Find something you have apssion about and chanel your energy to that and disconnect yourself emotionally from him, it may not be easy, but just decise to be independent and try to help other people. God men are waiting for you, just quit pls.
mateyo
March 7, 2014 at 8:46 am
ask for wisdom from above about your matter he will answer you in his own way.
Simplicity
March 7, 2014 at 8:53 am
It is up to you.
Enny
March 7, 2014 at 9:04 am
Dear, no mater sweet words he may say & the pain he’s put thru b4, neva shud u eva link the two. som men cn b such wicked &very rare that we cn forsee change in them. Believin &seein a husband in him is acceptin that God designed u 4 destruction, wen that is neva God’s intention 4 his very own. U ar precious, treasured & reserved 4 a special purpose fro abov. Giv it all to The Lord & let it go. Its jst so unfair that wenn we see a rlationship in men they see devlish abuse in us……it ‘l nt pass foreva til heaven & earth respond.
mr fox
March 7, 2014 at 10:14 am
U know wat the guy does not lov u cause some one who lovs u cannot stay even for 2 dayz without wanting to see her girl but if u lov him u can continue but never regrate the choices u make.
╭∩╮（︶︿︶）╭∩╮
March 7, 2014 at 11:19 am
bla bla bla….
kelvin
March 7, 2014 at 11:22 am
Courtship is a period when the would-be couple get to know each other. If you can’t resolve issues by merely discussing but sometimes the other person becomes physical that is not a good thing especially were u r just in courtship. What more if u were to get legally married. U have known him if u feel physical confrontation nagging should be part of life partner and marriage do it. But once u get married till death separate the two of u then demands for serious thought and a serious decision altogether.
Andrew
March 7, 2014 at 11:43 am
Sister my heart tells me you’re a good person. It take divine intervention for a man to change from bad to good. He abused you when he was a nobody, now that he is a somebody with a job and money he might be your worst nightmare. @@ marriage is given and odained by God seek him fist and he will answer to your call.@@ I wish you well.
fchibs
March 7, 2014 at 12:04 pm
My sister engage God in all your endevaours.Commit all your plans and pray about them.Definitely God will show you the way.
zambian
March 7, 2014 at 3:06 pm
you marry him at your own peril…
me
March 7, 2014 at 5:21 pm
Please move on. the problems you are facing now will be even more magnified when you are in marriage. find someone else. that guy could already have found someone else out there. PLEASE MOVE ON…
masuzyo d phiri
March 7, 2014 at 9:43 pm
pliz sister,seek de LORDZ intervetion
RICHARDZ
March 8, 2014 at 7:09 am
Very complicated, only prayerz can answer/ solve yo problem accurately, otherwise, the rest are jst guesing!
Ak Styles
March 8, 2014 at 9:08 pm
prayer powerful,prayer solve things well well.just b comited
SEKOPONOKE
March 10, 2014 at 12:17 pm
He’s a time waster. Already he has shown you his true colours and things will get to the worse when you decide to tie nuptial knot with this man. His misdeeds are already an eye opener. Nakweba cikashana, wikalanda ati tabanjebele.He is not serious!!Nicimbwi mumpapa yampanga, nakulangisha kale amabala yakwe!!!Leave this hyena and forge ahead with your life. God will provide a Mr Right for you and stop harbouring illusions of getting married to this forked tongue snake in the grass. Nalanda epo mpelele!!
the wise we see beyond
March 10, 2014 at 3:26 pm
this story is not staight i think ba tumfweko ebapangilefye its not health ukulemba ifyabufi and yet the guy normally gives ama excuse hee wat do u expect from him ,,hell neva marry or ukukutantula boi u ar a looser thus so,fwayako ushibomba kaili waletumpa i think pa first lintu talaba no tundalama wanyala mbwa mbwa
onamission
March 10, 2014 at 4:32 pm
how do u marry some1 u cant even see or meet. wake up smell the roses.. he had u and used and abused u now he is onto fresher meat.
5yrs omg now u can only be married by 3rd hand husbands and men with no libido(40+)
kukosa.
onamission
March 10, 2014 at 4:39 pm
your primary objective (mission) SHOULD BE TO FIND THE GUY FIRST. the title says marry… how do u marry a ghost who is missing and wont see.? are u normal?
if u ever meet him he will tell u that u are jus an ATM(both meanings)
tjay
March 11, 2014 at 9:45 am
True love or true sex ??? How can someone beat you to the extent of dislocating your finger and demean you show you true love at the same time. Lets not mistake sex for love. Love is kind ,patient ,slow to anger …….