Zambian’s Dowry Price Tag: “Mwadula maningi. Simunga bwezeko pansi. After all, ni chikwati chabe, mugulitsa mwana?”

TORN APART by BOYD PHIRI
HOW much is a woman worth? This is a question most men ask when it comes to issues of marriage and its attendant corollary to paying the bride price.
It is a question steeped in culture and tradition. You have to be a shibukombe (male marriage counsellor) as the Bembas say or nkhoswe as the Ngonis say, to know how much a woman is worth across different tribes in Zambia.
Is she worth a chicken, goat, pig, cow, chitenge material, a pair of shoes, three-piece suit, two pots or brand new Mercedes Benz car?
In an era when marrying off a daughter is becoming a commercial venture among some parents, one cannot exactly know what to expect when time to pay the dowry comes.
The process for negotiations can take long, especially when the two camps are trying to come to a common understanding on the true value of a woman being married off.
It all starts with the bride’s family gathering to wait for the groom’s representatives to show up later in the day.
Everyone worth his or her salt in the family is invited to attend the meeting.
Those with good negotiating skills take centre stage; it could be the bride’s uncle, grandfather or elder brother.
The way the team negotiates for the bride price can have an effect on the kind of relationship they would have with their in-laws.
Before they could start discussing the issue at hand, they would organise some beer. Some believe one or two bottles of beer before the meeting make their thoughts find better focus on marriage issues.
This is an art some people involved in marriage discussions have mastered. Usually, the habits they exhibit during the course of the discussion are mirrored in the final bride price a man is told to pay.
“Sitinga kambe nkhani yaso osamwamo. Kuchosako nsoni, tinga kangiwe kuba chaja chimalo cholinga mwanawathu,” one would say, meaning, “We cannot discuss such issues while sober. We might feel shy to bargain for a better bride price befitting our daughter.”
During the planning period they would call their daughter to find out a few details about her fiancé.
“Lomba wewo alume bako osebenza nchito yotyani? A grandmother would inquire in Ngoni language about the kind of job the man coming to marry her granddaughter does.
This is crucial for most families during such discussions. Information on the financial capacity of a man provides the basis on which to bargain the bride price.
As the planning meeting moves on, one by one, the men would excuse themselves to answer the call of nature after a few bottles of beer.
This would result in the preparatory meeting among the bride’s family splitting into groups. Some women would remain in the house and the men would stand outside near a pit latrine – if it is in a shanty township – to summarize the whole issue.
“Ise wathu akalibe ku kwatiwapo,” one would emphasise, provoking others to recognize the fact that a woman who has never been married before and if she is a virgin, fetches a higher bride price, according to some customs.
While the men are having their own discussion outside, the grandmother would come out of the house – walking with a slight stoop to sniff her snuff.
“Ah-ah, mwankhala panja,” she would wonder why the men are standing outside while the rest are waiting inside the house.
The whole process can have a toll on people’s emotions. The longer they wait for the visitors to come the more anxious they become.
“Mwati aba banthu bazabwela? A bride’s brother would wonder whether his would-be in-laws would come for the meeting.
It is always a big honour for a family, especially in down-trodden areas, when a child gets married.
To parents, this means that there would be fewer mouths to feed in the household. To male siblings it means more money in the pocket for beer from a brother-in-law, if he is well off, that is.
Meanwhile, the bridegroom’s family would have gone through a similar fact-finding discussion about the woman before starting off to meet her family.
They would have asked which tribe the woman comes from and what she has been doing before their son met her.
“Osakwatila vibekete va munjila,” one would have told their son not to marry prostitutes or useless women from the streets.
Although this issue has been there from time immemorial, most families seem not used to the rudiments of marriage discussions.
Some inexperienced people would go straight to the point after putting an offering on the table as per custom to open the discussion.
“Tinaona kamusote pano,” which literally means, “We saw a chicken in this house and we want to get it.”
The chicken term is used figuratively to describe the woman the man wants to marry. This also goes to show that a chicken plays an important role in these matters.
It is always interesting to see how people go through their paces consulting one another about the price given.
“Batiyembekezeko tikambisaneko panja,” the man’s family would ask to go outside to consult one another on whether they should accept the amount of money demanded or not.
While all this is happening the bride and the groom would be in seclusion waiting for the outcome of the meeting.
The only time that their presence would be needed is when the two families would want to know if the two truly know each other and that they have decided to marry.
“Yakula maningi ndalama ya chimalo iyi,” one would complain saying that the bride price is too high for them.
“Unga kwanise zingati?” they would ask the bridegroom how much he can afford to pay as dowry.
Meanwhile, the bride’s family members in the house would be congratulating each other for deciding on the higher bride price.
“Aba bantu bachoka kuba ndalama, osabalekelela,” they would say, meaning, “These people are coming from a rich family. Let’s not be too soft with them.”
After consulting one another the man’s family would take their seats again and plead for a reduction on the price.
“Mwadula maningi. Simunga bwezeko pansi. After all, ni chikwati chabe, mugulitsa mwana?” they would say in Nyanja.
This means, “The bride price is too high. Could you reduce a bit. After all, this is just marriage, it is not as if you are selling your child.”
They would laugh about it and reach an agreement on the affordable price for the woman.
At the end of the discussion, the women who would have been seated on the floor all the while, would get up and dust the backsides of their chitenge wrappers as if saying all is well.
Often it is a relief to the bride and groom when the dowry is agreed quickly. When the two families cannot agree on the price, the man’s family would ask to come back another day after more consultations.
“Batigwileko manja mendo tiyendeleko, tizabwela futi,” the man’s family would say in figurative language asking to be allowed to go back home and come back another day for a concrete answer.
But sometimes others would go for good and abandon the marriage issue all together because of the high bride price demanded by the woman’s family.
I understand there are serial fiancees, who jump from one relationship to another depending on how matters of the bride price go during such meetings.  
But, because of gender-based violence or beatings by some men, some people have done away with bride price and instead just consent and bless the marriage.
It becomes easier to withdraw their daughter if they feel she’s being victimized or unfairly treated.
Some families arrive at bride price by quoting or estimating money spent on the girl’s upkeep from birth, pre-school, primary, secondary, college or university.
However, although in some customs the value of a woman is quoted based on the value of some domestic animals they own, very often money exchanges hands.
“Muno mu town sitisunga mbuzi olo ng’ombe. Tizapeleka chabe ndalama mumalo mwa mbuzi 10 olo ng’ombe five,” They would say, meaning, “Here in towns we do not rear goats or cattle. We’ll pay you money, the equivalent of 10 goats and two cows.”  
The woman would be given away to a man whether for a song or a fortune. Now you know how the value of some women ready for marriage is fixed.

Posted by Editor on April 6, 2014. Filed under STYLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry