Witchdoctor On the Loose

TORN APART with BOYD PHIRI
TOLERATE them or despise them, most traditional doctors in Zambia have become more than just men and women specialised in selling herbal medicines in their backyards and market places.

Going by the number of advertisements they place in newspapers everyday promoting their services, one gets a feeling that they are out to change how they do their business.
Many are changing with the times by employing sophiscated tactics in marketing themselves just to get that superstitious customer.
It is no wonder that you no longer see many scary mottos on their banners and newspaper adverts describing their personal qualities in the practice.
In the past you would see business mottos by ng’angas (witchdoctors) around townships such as “Chenda na mwela”, meaning, “He who rides on air”.
Others prided in mottos like, “Masamba asiyana”, which in Nyanja means, “Herbs are not the same”.
Elsewhere you would see slogans like “Choipa chisata mwine”, meaning “An evil deed follows one who promotes it”.
If one hailed from a place near the lake, sea or ocean, you would find watchwords like “Mbalame ya kunyanja”, meaning, “Sea bird”.
And as if to evoke the spirits of the darkness, another traditional doctor would have a motto saying, “Chenda usiku”, meaning “He who moves at night or in darkness”, implying that he is well-schooled in the dark art of witchcraft.
The more fear the motto attracted, the more potential customers believed in the ability of the doctor to heal all illnesses and I mean literally healing all illnesses unlike western doctors who specialise.
In other words, the slogans were a marketing gimmick meant to assure prospective clients of potent charms and herbal medicines.
But in spite of all the glorifications they made to market their businesses, they asked for very little money from clients for their services.
In most cases payment would be in form of a white chicken and a small offering which, according to some traditional doctors was meant to appease the gods.
The common illnesses most of them prophesied to heal were madness, epilepsy and other bewitchments like tuyobela.
But while old school traditional doctors may begin with the treatment of tuyobela and end with the cure of madness, today’s native doctors seem interested in love affairs and enlargements of private parts.
You would see one of the services on a leaflet saying, “Bring back lost lovers”.
Who says the “bring back” campaign started with Nigerians?
While abductions of more than 200 girls may have prompted Nigerians to come up with a clarion call on Boko Haram to “Bring back our girls”, apparently some traditional doctors in our society have been championing the “Bring back our husbands” campaign for some jilted wives.
With sex workers on rampage, most native doctors have seen an opportunity to help some wives have their husbands come back from brothels and other places where they may have been held captive in extra-marital affairs.
How they make the lost lovers come back, only the gods know.
Enlargements of private parts in men and hips in women, have also added a new dimension to their services.
No one knows exactly why there is so much hype nowadays about the size of sexual organs. It would appear that our ‘prized possessions’ have become a source of concern for many traditional doctors who want to do something about them.
Other services you would see in their ads is “Quick marriage, quick divorce” and solutions to financial problems.
I am yet to hear of one who has been helped by a traditional doctor to have his or her divorce granted quickly.
The way they put it, it is as if divorce is a good thing to do.
I hear some traditional doctors deceive some female clients into having sex with them to make the charms work.
They have also become so advanced in their marketing skills that they can afford to pay printing costs for leaflets and posters to distribute all over town.
Looking at the number of adverts they place in newspapers nowadays, one would conclude that they make more money than they used to.
They no longer go by those weird mottos. Most of them market themselves by revered titles such as ‘professor’ and ‘doctor’.
But one thing which is common among all of them, regardless of whether from the old brigade or new school – is not forgetting to indicate where they hail from.
You would see placards and adverts in newspapers saying, “Dr Chishimba, from Mununga, Luapula Province.
It is believed that some places have the most potent charms to cure illnesses or even magic charms to kill someone within seconds. They include Luapula, Mununga, DR Congo, Tanzania or Malawi.
Mununga is erroneously known to be the mecca of witchcraft in Zambia because charms are said to be sold at the market. Whether this is true or not I am not in a position to tell.
If you see someone distributing leaflets in town, look for words saying “Stop suffering”. You might just find a solution to your problem if at all these things work.
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Posted by Editor on May 25, 2014. Filed under LIFE & STYLE, STYLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.