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Here Is How Much s*x A Couple Should Have
It’s a conflict that comes up in almost every relationship that has managed to last for a year or two (or maybe even just a few months).
It causes tension, fights, and hurt feelings. Often both partners feel misunderstood and frustrated. Regardless of their satisfaction level, most couples will eventually have some conflict regarding s*x. Research shows that one of the most common fights couples have centers around s*xual frequency or how often the couple is engaging in s*xual intimacy. Stereotypically this involves a male partner seeking higher frequency than his female counterpart but this is not always the case. Regardless, unmet expectations in the bedroom can trickle over and cause communication problems, a lack of emotional connection, and general instability in the relationship. So how do you counter such negativity? What is the right amount of s*x? Here are some general thoughts to help make sure this issue doesn’t undermine the other parts of your relationship.
How much s*x should a couple have?
The right answer to this question is that there is no “right amount.” Every couple is different and, more importantly, every person encounters changing life circumstances due to illness, careers, and children (among many other things) that will interact with s*xual desire and availability. There may be times in a couple’s life where having s*x every day would be perfectly possible while at other times it would be a logistical impossibility. Research shows that an “average” couple generally has s*x about 2-3 times per week. However, if you’re worried that you’re under this average I would encourage you to think about your intimacy over the course of several weeks or even several months. Again, every couple will have good and bad weeks in terms of intimacy frequency and there is no magic number that couples need to hit to be “healthy”.
How do you avoid negative conflict about s*xual intimacy?
For the partner wanting more:
Understand intimacy is a two-way street. s*x obviously involves two people. It is very clear from research that s*x is more fulfilling, enjoyable, and satisfying if both partners have a desire for that intimacy. If you are the partner who wants to have s*x more regularly, realize that having s*x every day may not be the enjoyable experience you think it will be if your partner’s desire does not match your own. Be okay with delaying intimacy if your partner isn’t in the mood and avoid taking this as a personal rejection.
For the partner wanting less:
Understand that your partner is likely seeking connection, not physical gratification. Often the person who wants less s*x views their partner as s*x crazed and overly focused on the physical element of the relationship. It can feel like this is all your partner cares about. It is important for the person desiring less s*x to realize that attempts to engage in s*x are one of the best signs of a healthy relationship and are often coming from a desire for both physical and emotional connection. In our modern world there are plenty of places that people can turn to (online or otherwise) if they are only seeking personal gratification. Your partner’s attempts to be intimate are likely coming from a loving place and a desire to be intimate with you. Treat such attempts as such and be careful about how your reaction might be overly negative or feel rejecting to your partner.
For both partners:
Talk about the taboo. Even among married couples who have been sexually intimate for many years, s*x can be a taboo topic. In order to engage in healthy communication it is vital that such couples bring issues related to s*x out in the open. If one partner wants to become intimate and the other doesn’t, talk about a “rain check” and have the partner who isn’t in the mood explain clearly why. While it may not sound romantic, scheduling intimacy can be a very practical and useful thing for many couples (especially those with children). Schedule that rain check for the next day and then spend the day flirting and teasing each other. Make it something you both look forward too. Another option may be to take turns being in “charge” of planning and initiating intimacy. Above all else, talk about intimacy and s*x.
Posted by Editor
on May 10, 2015. Filed under LIFE & STYLE, STYLE.
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Takondwa
May 10, 2015 at 2:54 pm
Me I would rather we talk about it with my partner so we both enjoy it a lot .
king Solomon
May 10, 2015 at 2:57 pm
Sex, sex, sex and sex again.ooh.i would go for 2 times in a week than every day. Every day reduces sex appetite and sperm count for men. Female vaginal masculine may expand and cause wetness reducing the friction required to cause or make orgasim.
mary
May 10, 2015 at 3:10 pm
Iteach my man where to touch me,what makes me really started,nikumupunzisa mwamuna how you like to roll.Zambian men need love making lessons,learn to give foreplay so your woman gets started!
Shimapuli
May 10, 2015 at 5:47 pm
Educate me. Why do some women rush to wash their vaginas immediately after sex?
mary
May 10, 2015 at 6:39 pm
what do you think?ofcourse to make it tighter and fresh for round 2.I hope youre satisfied
MB
May 10, 2015 at 8:33 pm
@Mary, with round 2 or your response?
mary
May 10, 2015 at 10:32 pm
kikikikikikikikikikikiki mb uli wafyamba ayi
AMADOCTERS
May 10, 2015 at 3:22 pm
Very well researched, jst 2 add on,sex everyday becomes boring (in marriage) 3-4 times a week is better.
Chief of Grief
May 10, 2015 at 3:25 pm
For sew to b enjoyd by both ifwile yabafye random,me n my ladies do it ukuliköse,mu kitchen,mu shower,ku chipinda,pa siti,kulukungu,mumotoka,mu kalashi nangula muchimuti kanshi umupowe ni dibili dibili tatwakwata scheduled time,thats wat meks it perfect.
jessica
May 10, 2015 at 3:28 pm
Ba chief of grief mwanakakashi nshi uyo muchita efyo????Are you livng in a dream or fantasy,mwatombele mwana mutapi!Kwati ni muchilindi mule chita!!
Chief of Grief
May 10, 2015 at 4:08 pm
Iwe @jessica!bushe njikala nabafyashi pakutila nkwate sex ku chipinda lyonse awe!Two teh mwanakashi umo ndyapo waunfwa,so nga na tombele muli vaka nishi ni fantacy,the world has changed chikashana,ni 21st century tulimo so live with it.
jessica
May 10, 2015 at 6:35 pm
kikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikik i surrender!
New Educated Zambia©
May 10, 2015 at 3:36 pm
In a country as poor as zambia, this is least of our concerns. Infact, the poor economic social situation in the country due to pf’s incompetence means that we shouldnt even be promoting sex indirectly as the population remains largely poor and unable to afford basic necessities. So population increase is the last thing we need. Please tumfweko let your agenda setting be based on the economy rather than promoting irrelevancies like the pf which has no priorities
jabi
May 10, 2015 at 3:52 pm
Ulimbwa batini!
New Educated Zambia©
May 10, 2015 at 5:57 pm
you always make the same statements. you are like a broken record, a dumb one that is
king Solomon
May 10, 2015 at 8:06 pm
No jabi is right. You’re thinking is similar to a dogs.you are always off topic in most of your comments swine iwe.
New Educated Zambia©
May 10, 2015 at 10:23 pm
kiki solomon long time you silly pf fool. I hope you are watching what is pertaining on the ground. I told you that you guys were thieves. look now about that loan you got from china. please comment mune. kiki.
Denkete
May 10, 2015 at 3:37 pm
3 times per week is the best.
ichintu2011
May 10, 2015 at 3:56 pm
Iwe nez kanshi ukakula lilali..?lyonse ni out of the way to political frustration….ukafwa na BP lobe…
umu bemba nkonko
May 10, 2015 at 6:37 pm
Aba bemba batila “mukulolekesha emuku tobolwa”
Big pipo
May 10, 2015 at 7:27 pm
i thnk 3 time is ok.
Zimandola
May 10, 2015 at 8:08 pm
Wen l jst married we were havin s*x evryday,period eya lelamwina for 3 months til she got pregnant .We used 2 have it in the morning,wen l knock off & before sleepin.We neva used 2 get tired but now that we’re 10yrs in mariege wth 3 kids,the maximum we can hav it is 3 tyms in a week.Twalitendwa nomba.
Joseph tonga
May 10, 2015 at 8:25 pm
3 tymz e fintu fye!!!
shakespeare
May 10, 2015 at 9:12 pm
Even once in week is ok.Wats really wrong with you blogers who post insults?ubututu full time!!
tutu
May 10, 2015 at 9:40 pm
nomba ngaine newatemwa bana chisweswe,amahule,utuntotwe,tunachisungu,bana makwekwe,tu swit 16,tukasukulu,natulya utusangwa mu shoplite kuti nachita shani? pantu evryde ndakwata opportunity yakutunga,shud i b doin t evryde?and hw many times in day?
kakolwe
May 10, 2015 at 10:17 pm
A highly subjective topic. You forgot to discuss the sexual dispositions of the women. From the two extremes (Frigid & Nymphomaniacs), a woman will crave it as she is. For a frigid woman, even once in 3 months for her will be enough. For such, they just phuck for a child. For the nymphos, 6 every 24hrs will do. The later I have. I am able to shut her off by giving her an intense orgasm every night. It is her trainquiliser.
New Educated Zambia©
May 10, 2015 at 10:25 pm
pf cadres seem to be very articulate when it comes to irrelevant issues that have no impact on the social economic well being of the larger zambian population. in other words they foolishly lack priorities
Dj cute
May 10, 2015 at 10:45 pm
Fyabupuba fye
Wazekwa
May 11, 2015 at 8:46 am
If I make 1 round I dnt feel gud 2 go in again coz of my sperms sitting in da vagina.
mwila
May 11, 2015 at 11:14 am
Ba tumfweko its not u to tell me hw many tymz I should b havin sex,wat if I want 10 tymz a day?
Rev Cosmas Banda
May 11, 2015 at 11:43 am
My wife has moderately big breasts I enjoy touchig and fondling them every nite .when she flaresup I give her but at times she,s too tired and wouldn,t flair I leave her so what determines the sexual is the body you cant make a schedule . Mary has said well get closer to your wife
njota
May 11, 2015 at 12:38 pm
3 times is ok, just discuss with your partner so that she/ he doesn’t think otherwise, 2 be spontaneous when making love, some men do tuku tuku like a small pig lying all the weight pali gelo, and expect to be lifted up, shaa! sex is an act that should be perfected as you grow older in a relationship. Talk about it and explore eachother inside and outside the body. Men touch your wives and ask them which parts they enjoy most, though boobs, behind the ear, nek, french kisses, spontenouse small kisses down the belly, on the lips, thighs and on top of the beans are the commonest sensitive parts on a woman. Men also feel free to lead your females hands to the place where it turns u on. This applies to the shy guys who cant bring themselves to discuss. Take time and let your mind be free, Its a you do me, i do you situation.
Liyah
May 11, 2015 at 1:00 pm
One Njota and ma sis Mary….
pretar
May 15, 2015 at 9:30 am
kkkkkkkkkkk yaba