Dear Kopalatimes Readers,
I AM 25-years-old and in a serious relationship with a 27-year-old man. When I say serious, I mean both our families know about the relationship. We have been dating for over a year though we were very good friends for over eight years before we started dating.
The problem is that a few months after we began dating, his ex-girlfriend showed up saying she was pregnant from him. I accepted the situation and we continued to date.
After sometime he started meeting with the same woman behind my back; when I discovered that he said he didn’t know how to handle the situation as it was the first time such a thing was happening to him.
He didn’t know how to balance things between his pregnant woman and his relationship with me. It’s a very long story and a lot has happened. However, the baby was born last month.
To my amazement, this woman started demanding things that a three-week-old baby does not need. But my fiancé gave her even when we knew that the baby does not need much at the moment.
Last week when my fiancé went to her place to see the baby, he complained that she demands for things which are not important at the moment. She then got upset and told my fiancé to stop calling her to check on the baby.
She said he should only be sending money but he should not call. This means that she only wants financial support from him but he should have nothing to do with the baby. Is there such a thing?
My fiancé didn’t say anything until last night when I asked him how the baby is; that is when he told me everything. I was so mad at him, I ended up telling him that I need a break. This woman’s behaviour is frustrating me and then my man also doesn’t communicate with me unless I ask him.
Looking at this situation, should I end the relationship or hold on knowing that I have come this far. But I love him so much, that why I have overlooked the past mistakes. Somehow he has also proved that he loves me which makes me strong.
Secondly how do you think my fiancé should handle this issue? There are a lot of things I have not included here because the story is long. Thanks in advance.
Azimai.
I think just end the relationship because the man to go back to his Ex and pregnate her that means he is not serious with you and also he may be pretending to you that he doesnt love his Ex, after all you are not yet married (I like this proverb Nkobekela techupo) so move on girl you will find your own man, let him settle with his Ex so that the raise the child together.
Did the story say he ‘impregnated’ her while in new relationship? A couple can part ways only to realise a month or 2 later the woman is pregnant.
Yes he did Judge! Unless that ex’s gestation period lasted 13 months. Facts from the narrative: Friends for 8 years, dated for a year, baby born last month. Therefore: She grabbed him from Ex in the 8th year of friendship, 3 months into their dating, the man went back and dwinked the ex and baby was born last month. Yes, things that 3month baby does not need, a mother needs.
You Azimai, are the interloper. Leave!
MY DEAR FIRST OF ALL I SALUTE YOU FOR THE HEART GOD HAS GIVEN THEY ARE FEW WHO CAN UNDERSTAND. THIS WOMAN TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH SHE IS JUST A DESTROYER AND AM PRETTY SURE THE BABY IS NOT HIS, HONESTLY HOW CAN SHE SAY HE SHOULD NOT VISIT BUT ONLY SEND MONEY? SHE JUST WANT TO FRUSTRATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FIENCE AND SHE EVEN KNOW THE TRUTH THAT THE BABY IS NOT FOR YOUR BOY FRIEND. MY ADVISE TO YOU STAND FIRM AND OVERCOME THOSE TEMPTATION SINCE THE GUY STILL LOVE YOU.
@Kape, your response shows that you are not a Parent. You may be a father, but not a parent. That action by the ex is actually 101% proof that the guy is the father of the child, he knows it, she knows it and he loves the child like mad! Boyi, fwebafyala ama replica, we even close shop 30 minutes earlier to go and watch the little miracle of my ejaculation suckle on the titties I so sweetly licked in the moment of its creation!! Wow! They joy of being a father -& what a mother can do. In short, @Kape, that is real punishment for the man.
First of all your man is or was not trusted. For that pregnancy it means they have been dating as well in the past 10 months of which you were also dating. Secondly your man, if not careful that baby might not even be his because the woman in question does not want him to see his own baby. It is questionable.
As for you I think you can take a small break to release the pressure and observe things at a small distance. See how your man will react to that situation, sometimes the man is just hiding something about the pregnancy and the baby. A Chewa amatelo, “KUONA MASO YA NKHONO NI KUDEKA MTIMA” Means for your to see the eyes of the snail, you must be patient” God might be showing you the true colours of the boy before you get officially married. THANK YOU
watch n learn………
Lady just end this relationship and move on and let them marry for the sake of the child. However, If the man really loves you he will come back after he has sorted out his mess.
I have very big doubts if the baby is your boyfriends’! advise him to ask the lady in question that he wants to have a DNA test to prove if he is really the father. Believe me the lady will grow cold feet. These days when you have a child outside wedlock it is always advisable to have DNA test. not that a married woman cannot cheat on the husband, but chances of you being cheated on by a woman when you are not married are much higher
Mama, you have a heart of GOLD, and never change your self for anything. Your reward will surely come. If this man is truly meant for you, it does not matter how many babies this other woman has or want to have to trap him, he will never, and i mean never MARRY HER. Ask God for Guidance base it on ISAIAH 33 V 3 and Psalms 139. God knew you before you were born ,so he knows the right suitor for you. And believe it, if this guy is not the one,God will heal your pain and give you more love for the TRUE MAN who will not PLAY WITH YOUR GOLDEN HEART. Take Heart.And @ Beeny Onyango, great point.
You and @beeny are novices and poor analysts in social interactions. That treatment is only given to men who are 120% sure they fathered the baby. Check my response to @Kape above.
just leave him,
useless tumfwepo pali noko……
just end it all with no turning back someone better than that one is waiting for you dear.
my dear,the love your fiance have for that baby is greater than you can imagine. Leave him alone and let him be with his child otherwise you will be disappointed and sorry for this time you are wasting
Damn! This kalukuluku, @ thanks in advance azimai, you think tumfweko is for old alangizi? You just sewerage material.
my dear u hav being dating a man for over a year and yet there surfaces an ex clamining to be pregnant for him. it means he is being bagging her while wit u and the fact that he is hiding things from u shud tell u that he is not decided. just forfet about him and move on while u can otherwise u will end up in the same
trap.
Learn to read. The news of the pregnancy came a few months after they began dating. That implies he slept with the ex before he started dating his current girlfriend.
She wrote, “We have been dating for over a year though we were very good friends for over eight years before we started dating” But the baby is almost one month, it means this boy dated the woman in question 10 months ago because gestation period is nine months+ one month baby= 10 months. She been adting for over a year (12 months)this means within twelve months the boy was seeing two ladies. He is not faithful
Oh God! She wrote the following: “The problem is that a few months after we began dating, his ex-girlfriend showed up saying she was pregnant from him”. They’ve been dating for a little over a year. The pregnancy news came about a year ago when they began dating. Got it yet?
No! @Fulu full! The clincher is at “We’ve been dating for a little over a year and the baby was born LAST MONTH” Implying, last month of their ‘a little over a year’. @Kamuzu got. Have you Got it yet?
Hey mama just leve him before ameshitayalafika mukola pliz you will reagret
I have a feeling the pregnancy might not be his, so the Ex wants a source of income for now. My advice is this lady should stand by her man and encourage him to do DNA test ASAP to be sure. Secondly, let him be announcing to her that hes going to check on the baby to remove mistrust, how this woman handles herself today will show how mature she will be in their marriage.
JJB. Consider my first response to you and judge thereafter. I can bet my next round the guy is the father and proud about it. Even the “EX” is sure of that. The guy is feeling ‘sorry’ for Azimai. Azimai must just move on. The man is just too far gone.
Sorry, I couldn’t pop in much earlier. Deadlines to beat.
Yeah nowadays you busy ba wesu. Yes I realised the long term part of the relationship. The guy just need to man up as you said one need to be a parent to understand
Young lady u just said u ar 25yrs at that age as a women u ar suppose to be in a sirrious reltoinshp. Find a free gentle man wth DAT 1 u will always b complaining over and over !so just end it ? He has already! Anyway sorry!
If you truely love your man fight for what is yours that woman is not the one he is marrying but you she is just trying to destroy your relationship also involve elders as soon as possible so they can have a word with him since your families know about your serious relationship.
Actually know dis lady. The baby is 3 months old. Dis lady was at a kollege in kitwe, mu town fye. Living with her sista now here in kitwe nomba nobuchende nilekaleka.. Ve pics of her
uyu gelo euyu twita ukuti ibala lyakale talyashupa kulima,wemukashana iwe wetha u like t o nt umulumendo uyu wil always go bck kubulimi bwakale
Dear Tumfweko editors,
Kindly advise some of your bloggers that the use of capital letters are against e-mail etiquette. Do ask them to please use bold print whenever they feel strongly about a subject or wish to emphasise a point. It is quite irritating to see those comments/contributions in capital letters. If you are seasoned journalists, surely you could make an effort to correct some of your bloggers or just not publish their “contributions”, so that they may end up complaining that their input is not being published.
Thank you.
I dnt knw.but ystdy their wz dreama at de university of lusaka pioneer campus.students where asked 2 take off their shoes as they were screening them 4 an exam.Does the Ministry of general education adhere to such nonsense.
if you follow the story properly, You will realize that this girl just grabbed this man from the ex. if they were friends for 8 years, surly she must have known his girl friend and they must have been friends too. Now all this period of 8 years she has been looking for an opportunity to snatch the man until she found it. what goes around comes back around.
so tuchite shani ata
Wake up girl just concentrate on your studies and forget about that man, education is the key to your success. Marriage is secondary all else you will regret with that man.
Sory my dear,muleke asunge umwana wankwe.find uo on man.
Listen girl:me I’ll jst blame u 4 evrythng dat is happening 2 u,u cnt b with a person who u screatly admire 4 8years! Coz its ovious dat u guys were screat admires,!bt u kept quiety 4 8 years.jst leav thm, u wasted your time,oppotuinity coms once in lyf my dear.Mulefushafye ama street kids,let them rease de child.
I think the guy is not stable in his mind so sister its never too late jst end the relationship before he pregnants you also.bt if u dnt mind I cn give u my number so that I can take over from were he left
You are living in fornication. Stop it!
give him a break so that he sort out the issue this woman will give you problems in future. just watch the game, he started it himself and he shall finish it himself.
Dear just watch him, and give him time to think about what is happening, do not disturb him because he’ll be upset and you will loose him for good, so just excise patience and you’ll see that every thing will work accordingly, and putting him in prayers God will help you.