By Brian Mulenga

This is a very tricky thing in our Zambian cultural context. Luckily our forefathers were not only flexible but they worked out strategies to allow for any eventuality. There are two types of a visit to your prospective in-laws.

1. For inspection. The parents notice their son is spending a lot of time with one woman and they are curious who this woman or man is.

2. Formal introduction as a prospective son or daughter in law.

GROUND RULES

You cannot enter, sit with, converse with and eat with in-laws without someone paying you or giving you gifts. You need to be untied and made free. You need permission to act normally.

Always come with a chaperone. A shibukombe or nachimbusa if officially engaged, a respectable and older friend or relative if the reason for the visit is number 1. Inspection.

THINGS TO DO

If the visit is a dinner or lunch or even in the afternoon, a well brought up young man or woman will send someone preferably the day before and donate a sum of money. The reason is simple, your visit will cost money and in this harsh economy, every little ngwee helps.Furthermore, a little grease helps all machinery to move smoothly. Some people may call it a bribe, I call it African generosity. Also, ask for an official liaison or guide.

DAY OF THE VISIT.

As you enter the premises, it is better you phone ahead to your liaison with the hosts. Please arrive in a car. The reason being if you walk through the gate, your hosts will have to pay something to allow you to move freely in their yard. They then have to pay something to let you in the house. They will have to pay something to let you sit down. They will also have to pay something to allow you to eat and drink freely.

Coming with a car means technically you only enter the premises when you step out of the car.

DONT’S

1. Avoid politics
2. Avoid contentious topics like football
3. Don’t act snobbish and show you don’t like the surroundings you are in. If the visit means going to a compound whatever you do that compound is Beverly Hills !!!!

DOs

1. Carry presents. For the parents and any relatives. So a nice shirt, a chitenge of good quality material (not telela please). A good tie, nice bangles, and bracelets, earrings etc.
2. Be sober.
3. Dress smart but not showy.
4. Don’t boast or show off
5. Let your escort or chaperone make all the noise.
6. Ukukasha doesn’t turn up your nose at the food. If its bad be polite. Your liaison should be well briefed on any likes or dislikes