“Dear Mampi defenders,

“I see that my well-intentioned letter to Mirriam Mukape, aka Mampi did not go down well with you. Most of it had to do with failure to read, comprehend and analyse. I would like to throw a challenge to those of you who strongly defended Mirriam since you think I was talking out of my back side.

“If you are a lady, please go to a tattoo artist as soon as possible and take off your top and bra and let a complete stranger tattoo your bare breasts whilst he is enjoying the view. After that, wear a low cut top showing the tattoos and get some photos of yourself making sure you pose looking very seductive like Mirriam did. Post the photos on your Facebook page.

“If you have a boyfriend, tell him what you have just done and send him a copy of the photos on WhatsApp. If he tries to say anything against what you have done, tell him that he is primitive and still backwards like a villager and he should just appreciate that you are a modern empowered woman who can do whatever the hell you want.

“If you are a married woman, tell your husband about your latest exploits. Make sure you send the photos to his sisters as well. Don’t forget to tell all your friends about the photos. If your husband objects, tell him not to worry since you are his already and no other man will ever have you. Tell him that you are not a slut but just an empowered woman.

“If you are a single lady, watch the comments people will make on the Facebook photos and see if anyone will treat you with any respect other than getting excited and telling you how nice your boobs are and how they would love to touch them. Don’t be surprised at the sudden increase in friend requests and private messages in your inbox asking for your phone number for a hook up.

“If anyone tries to condemn you, tell them that your private life is none of their business and God will provide a good, decent loving husband for you in due course. Give them the example of Beyonce who got married to Jay-Z despite vigorously shaking her matako while dancing. Tell them also about Kim Kardashian who made a leaked sex tape but still managed to marry Kanye West.

“If you are a man with a girlfriend or wife, tell her that you think people are being unfair to women who expose half their tattooed breasts or thighs and people should not judge them because we all have skeletons in our closet. Tell your woman that you think they are hypocrites.

“If you are a single man, go on Facebook and find ladies who keep posting photos of themselves everyday showing their big butts, big boobs and half bare thighs. You should especially look for those with tattoos on their breasts. Inbox them privately and meet up with them. Date them for a month or two.

“If you are a more adventurous woman, go to a paint artist and take off your clothes and let him body paint you. Post the photos on Facebook and tell everybody how you are looking forward to marrying a God-fearing man sent from heaven.

“If you are an extremely adventurous single lady, make a sex tape with your bed-mate and post it on one of the porn sites and tell everyone about it. Announce on your Facebook page that you have a sex tape and how to find it on the porn site. Make sure you post on on Facebook that you are waiting for a good decent man to marry, you are not stranded and that God forgives mistakes people make and provides for them good decent partners.

“After doing the above challenge, please come back and tell us how things have worked out for you afterwards.”

 By Goodwell Mwango

“P/S- I have never met Mirriam but have attended her shows and she is a great musical artist.”