My wife and I (both mid 30s) have been happily married for nine years. We don’t have any kids and don’t want kids. We had the “what if” talk before getting married; she told me she would want to have an abortion if she ever got pregnant.

Yesterday my wife told me she’s nine weeks pregnant. She’s on the pill, but accidents happen. She said she wants to carry to term and give the baby up for adoption. Naturally, I was surprised by the news and her change of mind. I asked her if she considered getting an abortion. She said she had, but she doesn’t want to because she feels a bond to the fetus. She told me she has been researching adoption and learned that the local adoption agencies only accept birth mothers who are okay with having an open adoption. I told her I wasn’t really comfortable with this and asked her if she would have an abortion. She started crying and spent the night at her sister’s place. She wont answer my phone calls.

I’m uncomfortable with this for a few reasons. I was adopted a birth and my adoptive parents weren’t the best. I know this isn’t the case for everyone who was adopted, but I can’t help but have a negative view about it. A few years ago I tried to find my biological parents to learn my medical history, but I couldn’t. I was sore about it for a little while, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. My wife is aware of these points.

I just don’t want to pass on my genes because they’re essentially a mystery to me. I also don’t like kids. My wife said she actually would prefer to keep the baby, but she knows I wouldn’t want to; so she said having an open adoption sounded like a reasonable compromise. I understand why she thinks that, but I still don’t want to have any biological children, regardless of how much/little I would be involved in raising him or her.