Buumba Malambo shares…
Good Morning My Clan,
Today being family day I decided that I would still take in one situation because my heart was not at peace after reading this young Woman’s Message. Women are indeed strong human beings,some things we endure are beyond human emotions and comprehension.
“”Honourable Buumba my sister I write to you with mixed emotions but the main reason I have gathered courage to send this message is because of late I feel mad sometimes, I walk out of the house with one shoe then realise later, sometimes I walk out without a shirt and realised minutes later.Yersterday I sat on the bed feeling very useless and suicidal so I typed suicide on Facebook and found the story you posted yesterday and it brought back very gloomy emotions of my own story with my niece but it saved my life because I saw that one can get help and start again.
As I write you this am filled with tears , pain, anguish,sorrow, depression and I feel a very strong urge for suicide.Am a 29 year old trained nurse with 1 child and currently pregnant.This October 2020,I received a call that my husband was involved in an accident because he left home for 3 weeks and I didn’t know where he was because he wants picking up my calls and text messages so I ignored because he had been doing that so many times.I rushed at the scene and both my husband and the passenger had died on the spot.When I looked at the passenger I recognized her as the student who had caused so much pain in our 4 years marriage.
This may sound strange but I was so happy I couldn’t help but smile, I remember the female police officer on the scene asking me why I was smiling but I was already in my own world and ignored her.I felt a huge weight off my shoulders that day, I went back home happy and sad at the same time.
The day I said “I do” to my husband was one of the most beautiful moments of my life but just 4 months into the marriage the devil woke up and showed up in my house.My husband would come home until 5am sometimes go for a weeks without knowing where he was ,whenever he was home nothing I did pleased him I remember serving him food only for the hot food to be thrown at my face,I remember being beaten for taking long to bath when he needed to use the toilet,I remember not being talked to for days even though he was around,whenever he would want, he would suddenly wake up and rape me and scratch me I would have wounds and teeth bites on my body a lot of times.I tried to pray ,visited my pastor and went for fasting but things become worse.
He now started bringing used condoms in the houses and I was scared to ask him because of how Violent he was.My sister as I write to you my back has scars one of the last scars am nursing was caused by him getting the iron when he thought I wasn’t ironing his trousers properly and ironing my back and breasts if it wasn’t for my niece screaming with me I would have died that day.I tried to talk to elders,his family ,my family and bana chimbusa together with his Shibukombe they told me to stick around as this is what goes on in all marriages.I was so blind and every time I saw a couple walking in the streets holding hands I would be so bitter and cry.I remembered seeing the wife of our garden boy visit him as she brought him a jersey the way he looked at her ,talked to her ,held her just broke my heart I cried so hard that day.
When i was giving birth to my firstborn son ,while in labour my husband had brought a small girl to our bed that night because when i was discharged i found her, she looked about 15 years and had her school uniform,stockings and bag on the floor.When she saw me she ran to wear her uniform and left i said nothing and my husband never recieved my son like many fathers do.I started looking so dirty ,unkept and mad its now that I realise that it was so broken and depressed.I remember being at night shift coming back early morning to find a strange woman in my house on our matrimonial bed with my husband and when they saw me my husband laughed when she said “is this the ugly wife you married’ i just went to another room and cried.I heard her use our bathroom to bath and they went laughing outside and off in our car they went I really thought i was in a movie.That night when he returned he raped me severely.
Some months passed I realized i wasn’t feeling well I went to the clinic and I was told I had gonorea and it was advanced.The doctor was kind he counseled me and put me on treatment.I did not tell him anything for fear of being beaten.In September I caught him at around 03am abusing my 14 year old niece in her room apparently he had been doing it for some time and she was so scared to tell me.It was the worst moments of my life ,I even regret more because I sent my niece away in an attempt to mend my marriage.The family sat down and decided to solve the situation internally and asked me to forgive him because we had a child together and all marriages are the same all men cheat on their wives but the women stay strong for their children these words kept ringing in my heard even today.
I remember my sister in law saying “”when he comes home no matter what time and where he comes from Just bath ,look nice ,prepare good food and welcome him and don’t deny him sex no matter where he is coming from and never use protection on your husband no matter how promiscuous he is that’s why he beats you because maybe he thinks you are cheating on him””,these will forever be the most painful words i have ever heard because when i tried that last time he pushed me away and i was so embarrassed in front of my niece.
This september before his death I discovered I was pregnant too and when I went for antenatal, I was told am HIV positive,I remember failing to walk to my car I just remember waking up in the car I had slept after crying and was so scared to go home.I called my grandmother who was keeping my niece because she was an orphan to ask how she was doing and I was told she too was HIV positive.
I went back home shaking with so many emotions I just wanted to die I forgot what time it was,what day it was ,what month or year it was I become like a mad person.My husband would be shouting and kicking me I would just look at him he would Rape me and I would just look at him I lost all my emotions and just become a corpse.So early this October when he died I was so happy and sad at the same time.Am struggling with anxiety,depression and fear I also feel mad most times,I stopped going for work too because I always thought people where laughing at me.
When I try to walk outside I hear women laughing at me in my head and I go back inside.Please my sister am running mad and wanting to kill myself please help me if its possible as I feel empty and dead walking I pray that there is help for people like me those that are beyond repair.
I really feel so sorry for this young woman and am happy she has accepted to get all the help we will give her to help her start a new page because life has second chances.
If you are a woman in an abusive relationship or marriage think seriously about your life and children.A lot women of have been buried for nothing.Life is a great gift from God and he is a God of second chance and would be happy to see you start all over once something doesn’t seem to work.In this short life your mental Health,emotional Health and physical health must come first.You must be accountable and preserve the gift of life and sanity God has given you.Always put yourself first because people come and go.