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WHAT Women REALLY Want From MEN
What do women want? For those who’ve ever pondered this question, WebMD offers 19 relationship secrets. They’re based on the study of healthy, happy couples and our changing gender roles.
A caring guy is a hot guy
Secret No. 1: Women appreciate a guy with a sensitive side, especially when they’re upset. Put your arm around her and hand her a tissue. Nurturing is a powerful way to connect.
Chivalry still has a place
When it comes to romance, many women do like men to take a traditional masculine role. This is especially true in the wooing stage of a relationship, according to psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, who’s written several books about love.
She’s perfectly capable of pulling out her own chair or opening a door, but if you see her hesitate, she might just be waiting for you to be the gentleman.
Dress to impress
Styles come and go, but a man’s attention to his grooming and clothing should be long lasting. It’s important to women from the first flirtation through the honeymoon and beyond.
“You’ve got to figure out if there’s a certain look that she likes,” says Kirschner. “If she likes a guy in tight jeans, you wear tight jeans.”
Guy wears red, Guy gets girl
OK, this tip doesn’t come from women, but from clever testing by psychologists of women’s subconscious preferences.
One intriguing study found that the color red made men seem more powerful, attractive, and sexually desirable to women. There’s a caveat, though. Red doesn’t make guys appear nicer or kinder. That part is up to you.
Don’t hide your flaws
Nothing captures a woman’s heart quite like a good man who wants to be a better man, according to love guru Kirschner.
“Women love personal growth, they love a man who is thoughtful and sensitive.”
She likes it when her man recognizes a flaw — a short temper, for example, or a regularly sullen mood after work — and loves it when he makes an effort to address it.
Don’t try to fix her world
When something’s bothering her, she wants your ear, not your advice. “Men feel the need to fix things because they are solution-oriented,” says Kirschner.
“But to a woman, really listening is a wonderful, wonderful thing that deepens the relationship.”
Nodding is not enough
Listening is important, but she also wants to know that she is being heard. Nodding along won’t cut it.
When she pauses, she’s giving you a cue to respond in a compassionate, caring way, says Kirschner. If she tells you that she is upset because her boss gave her a tough time, she wants to hear you say “I’m sorry that work was such a drag for you today.”
And remember: Resist the urge to offer solutions.
Date No. 3 is not a bedroom key
The three dates before sex rule is an urban legend. Women don’t set a timeline on when they’ll invite a potential partner into the bedroom.
Some women will want to have many dates before sex.
A good rule of thumb is to give the relationship at least two months to grow before entering the sexual arena.
Women like the slow lane
Guys often want to take the quickest path to sex. But many women prefer the scenic route.
“Women want sex but they get to it in a different way,” says psychologist Kirschner, who has helped hundreds of couples achieve a more rewarding relationship.
“They want to feel connected and understood, they want to be romanced.” That means time and talking and touching — in other words, foreplay.
Safe sex is a turn-on
This is something both of you need to focus on, but Kirschner says that women appreciate it and feel more protected when the guy makes clear that it’s a concern to him — and then shows her that he practices what he preaches.
Learn what she wants in bed
Women do like to talk about what’s going on in the sack, and they want to please their man — and a tactful approach is often best.
Ask her what she likes. Be sure to ask for what you want in a positive and validating way. Kirschner advises saying something along the lines of, “I would really love if you [fill in the blanks].”
Performance anxiety is shared
When you have an off night and can’t perform, she feels bad, too. She might worry that she no longer turns you on and she will want assurance that that is not true.
She will want to talk about what’s going on and what you are doing about it, especially if it’s a recurring problem.
“It’s a touchy thing for both of you,” says Kirschner, “but talking about it is a plus.”
Mirroring is a barometer of love
Remember the saying “imitation is the highest form of flattery”? A woman often conveys how she feels about you by mirroring your moods and moves.
She may order a meal that pairs with yours, wear your favorite color, or smile or cross her arms when you do. Mimicking is her way of putting you at ease and letting you know she is charmed.
Your shirt may be a love magnet
Does your partner curl up in your sweater or sneak into your work shirt? Some researchers have found that the scent of a man’s perspiration has a relaxing effect on women.
Say it, again and again
Women like to be told they look nice, and they like a man who notices without being told.
When she’s wearing a sexy new dress, for example, she’ll give you major points for saying how hot she looks, especially if you mention the dress before she does.
If she’s looking particularly attractive, if she has a new haircut, if she’s looking more fit — let her hear about it.
Don’t fear the relationship talk
When your woman wants to talk about the relationship, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong (well, not necessarily).
Kirschner says that many women like to talk about the “state of the union” — what’s going right, what’s going wrong, or simply what’s going on.
This is a good thing. An honest, wide-ranging talk can bring the two of you closer.
Look your partner in the eye
You may feel more comfortable sitting side by side, but many women prefer face time — and we don’t mean the latest mobile video chat technology.
Kirschner says that women prefer their men to make eye contact with them as they’re talking. And looking her in the eye during sex will deepen the relationship outside the bedroom.
Don’t miss the moment
How do you know if she is ready to commit? She’ll say so. This is something that women are often quite upfront about.
But they don’t want to have “the talk” too often. If she’s ready and she’s given you time, the next time the subject comes up, be prepared to step up or step off.
Romance is simple; Keep it coming
Romance is something she will always want, whether you’ve been together two months or 20 years.
Flowers, an intimate dinner, a few lines of love poetry — don’t worry, they don’t have to be your own — might sound cliché, but Kirschner insists that most women appreciate such simple romantic gestures and often show their appreciation after the lights go down.
Posted by
Liato siliya lupiya.
January 7, 2012 at 6:52 am
Ala mwandi these women are difficult to handle and they dont need laws all they need is one being a man.
Legit
January 7, 2012 at 7:13 am
My man doesn’t do any of this. He only complains that am fashion freak even though I do this 2 impress him
Bad meets evil
January 7, 2012 at 7:18 am
What women really want? MoneY….
Barca 10
January 7, 2012 at 7:21 am
Over to u munalian(yo field).
ONE TIME
January 7, 2012 at 7:35 am
Once you have money you can get any girl u want.
Lebo lida
January 7, 2012 at 7:46 am
Lelo nala kwapula smart in red mudala shirt red,itoloshi red,bo tie red,tie red,insokoshi red,insapato red,belt red,elo fi smile tefyakulanda tumone research ya mu guyz uyu.manje nga taya bombe ma!kalafwalafye ifilifyonse,ama coulor yonse pakuti uwatemwa blu red yelo grin blaki waiti pepo blauni pinki orenji bonse ni atracted.gudmoningi guyz.batunyeko or sory tumfweko ni zee i was in da toilet droping uuuum tumbwi.
Dmx
January 7, 2012 at 7:47 am
cheat ön women they like it tel da truth its trash 2 them,so cheat on.very peculiar oqganisms
Imwe
January 7, 2012 at 7:53 am
Air mukwai,janet c,uko,munalian…yo comments pliz
Champi
January 7, 2012 at 7:53 am
This is theory. Practically, no one cn tell nd teach me on how to love my woman……….love has many recipies. Atishani apo?
Phedel
January 7, 2012 at 8:07 am
Women are complex beings
Patrick Chilufya Jr
January 7, 2012 at 8:10 am
I think woman likes pipo who tel them wht they want to ear.
Chibombebombe
January 7, 2012 at 8:13 am
Ba tumfweko do you want to become Alangizi now,anyway good leasson to the yet to be married and those having problems in their homes like Legit.
However chikondi needs both parties to be involed to grow…
O G
January 7, 2012 at 8:16 am
@Legit. I love fashion. A woman’s beauty is fully revealed in it. Instead of snatchin you from him, sit down and talk over it.
Extra eye
January 7, 2012 at 8:17 am
Its jst part of the story 4 ladies.my lady and my style works out in my afair.nway tel me wat men expect frm women.
Afro Mavuzi
January 7, 2012 at 8:20 am
Most women try to copy the western culture. Can flowers mean anything to a typical village girl? One common denominator however is they love a man with wealth.
serenje
January 7, 2012 at 8:36 am
thats y i like village chickens no rules,,,,,,
Austin liato
January 7, 2012 at 8:38 am
Money does the talkin n the loving, take her shoppin, do a trip etc.
The Last Don
January 7, 2012 at 8:39 am
Like i have always said there is NO HANDBOOK 4 Relationships! it all about how you connect….
serenje
January 7, 2012 at 8:39 am
thats y i like village chickens no rules,,,,,,
any formular works///////why shud i be tamed
simz
January 7, 2012 at 8:47 am
@legit,i think ulameka nd you don’t tell your man what you want from him.N guyz study your women and find out what they like.some ladies like the opposite of that research.be cool
Anti-Politics
January 7, 2012 at 8:57 am
-Red shirt, my foot! women are different, no rules can apply to all of them (except for the first one).
@Serenge, I’m with u on that one – life is much easier (and happier) with them!
zeck78
January 7, 2012 at 9:14 am
it all depends on how u get along from the word go and how u understand each other.And this kind of targets women who are more exposed to life and does not cover those who are in the background and do’nt go out out frequently.
Bantu Speaker.
January 7, 2012 at 9:28 am
All that a woman wants is a baby,forget the rest.
Namutekenya
January 7, 2012 at 9:35 am
Well there are women who trap us into sex! They see us once and fantasy takes over. The next you get is an sms saying “I feel hot plz come cool me down with one injection.” Demwit!!
shakira wapa zed
January 7, 2012 at 9:43 am
Men dont try to understand us or else you will drive yourselves nuts.We change like the different seasons or like the weather.All we need is good loving and lots,lots of it.Ninshi mwatu solver!!
Mary
January 7, 2012 at 9:51 am
@Namutekenya,youre actually talking to me.I actually had a guy i always fantasied about after the first injection.I just wanted more of him but he moved out of town and im still in fantasy island i just enjoyed the romps we had!!!
Chonix
January 7, 2012 at 9:55 am
Too many manuals for this complicated creature huh? pa last ni fix while u learn… Anyhow good article
FUNNY
January 7, 2012 at 9:55 am
this article has changed my life.
Wize youth
January 7, 2012 at 10:01 am
@Bantu speaker, my doesnt want that coz shes it in sch.
@shakira wa pa zed, thats true, to true, very true.
NGOSHE KULUPAKO
January 7, 2012 at 10:27 am
WAPYA MUNZI!! ALL THESE PRINCIPLES OUTLINED CAN ONLY APPLY TO SOMEONE WHO IS DOING A RESEARCH ON THE PSYCHOLOGY OF WOMEN!!! PERSONALLY I BELIEVE THAT ALL YOU NEED IS TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER, KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S WEAKNESS AND STRENGHT AND ENDEVOURE TO BUILD EACH OTHER FROM ALL ANGLES!! AT UNZA I WAS NOT A MOJO BUT A SUPPER MONK AND INTRESTING ENOUGH THE MOMA I FELL IN LOVE WITH IN FRESHER IS UP TO TODAY MY DEAR WIFE. THAT IS OVER TEN YEARS AGO! DESPITE OUR CAREERS BEING SO DEMANDING WE ARE THERE FOR EACH OTHER!!!
SO MOST OF THESE PRINCIPLES OUTLINED ARE QUITE THEORETICAL AND THE REAL SITUATIONS INVOLVES ALOT OF EMOTIONS AND A LOT OF MATURITY WHEN HANDLING CONFLICTS THAT MAY ARISE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! GOOD DAY TO ALL THE MEN AND PLIZ DONT BEAT YOUR PARTNERS!! THAT IS WEAKNESS!!! WOMEN ARE TO BE LOVED AND NOT TO BE ABUSED AND CLOBBERED!!
Prof Michael Chilufya Sata
January 7, 2012 at 10:30 am
Women are complex animals from the time of Adam to the 21st century.Use them and dump them!
Mr wise
January 7, 2012 at 10:32 am
Women just likes the first one and money ….for sex they are never sastified thats y even closest friends,young bros , cousins etc can easily hook them up.
Sir Simunyola
January 7, 2012 at 10:51 am
@chi FUNNY
Taumfwa saana, pali nefya ku chinja life yobe apapene!
Maggie
January 7, 2012 at 10:57 am
@prof Michael Chilufya Sata and Mr wise!!! Mafi yenu mwaumfwa!Useless excuses of human beings!Ba swine dont you know that this is a womans world???
Mr wise
January 7, 2012 at 11:16 am
@ maggie,thax for insulting as … just from yo response u shud be a hole and very guilty.U are not even ashamed of yo self to say its a women’s world… U think we are happy when we hear of men dying at the hands of women’s infidelity. if u insult me again track yo e-mail from tumfweko.
joe
January 7, 2012 at 11:24 am
Lelo i need aka koko ka kumushi,they are so sweet!
Munalian
January 7, 2012 at 11:35 am
Mutual respect and realistic expectations are enough for love to flourish!! The rest is theoretical and sometimes unnecessary
Screwer
January 7, 2012 at 11:56 am
@Maggie. You need to be screwed so tight and very much. Ukalapila limbi tunono usanga. Tawaishiba ati men RULE????? Kukwitilafye amenshi chapwa ninshi walalilila napa bed. (All words in riddles).
First Lady
January 7, 2012 at 12:18 pm
I conquer wth u @The Last Don.
Abt being complex, dnt blame it on the opposite sex, every human being wetha female or male, is complex & interestin. Both sides hav gud & bad attributes. The 4 major thngs one nids 2 adapt 2 in any kind of relatiönshp is LOVE, COMMUNICATION, TOLERANCE & TRUST. U’ll never go wrong. The rest falls undr these 4. Am learnin frm experiencd couples, i.e married pipo.
First Lady
January 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm
I conquer wth u @The Last Don.
Abt being complex, dnt blame it on the opposite sex, every human being wetha female or male, is complex & interestin. Both sides hav gud & bad attributes.The 4 major thngs one nids 2 adapt 2 in any kind of relatiönshp is LOVE, COMMUNICATION, TOLERANCE & TRUST. U’ll never go wrong. The rest falls undr these 4. Am learnin frm experiencd couples, i.e married pipo.
renar bc
January 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Maggie needs to be tot a lesson.and guys lets learn to love and care sincerely. bake her to your expectation and u will enjoy this cake.
TruthHurts
January 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm
What really women wants: They don’t know either!! True, ask them!! No clue; and if you follow what they want, when they say, you will cry. Do as your heart pleases, life is too short to wait or work hard to please someone who may run away should your finances dwindle; mark my words.
Village chicken concept: sounds great!!
Maggie
January 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm
@Mr wise,youre as shallow as i thought you are by your silly comment,pliz refrain from using that name.Dont even think im even an inch moved by your useless cheap threat of going to tumfweko to trace me.I would even advise you to contact interpol,they will help you better to trace me and arrest me for commiting a crime against Mr so called wise,childish punk!And i stick to my words,its a womans world the quicker you get it in yr thick skulls the better….fyola…….
birds and bees
January 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm
No one can write a relationship manual ni boza. women are frm mars en men frm venus. we shall continue trying to understand one another till christ comes. so lets just leave in peace love yo woman whole heartedly en she will respect u
Munalian
January 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm
@Maggie,
can you please (and kindly) elaborate on why & how the pussy rules??
Sagacitte
January 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Well said but a relationship is such a vast issue that’s why nobody has ever gotten a medal for succeeding in one because you keep trying and learning up to your death bed!!!!
Maggie
January 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm
@Munalian kekkekekekekke!I think that question will best be answered by your wife Dhalia.What happened bane,are you divorced or are you commiting adultery on tumfweko?I didnt get a wedding invitation sure!
First Lady
January 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm
God was wise wen he made man, ruler & woman, man’s helper.
1.Man, love yo woman. Don’t take advantage bcoz ur above her.
2.Woman, submit 2 yo man. U’re jst his helper. Don’t let him make u a slave though. If he does, seek God’s guidance chapwa!
3.Its only undrwater where a woman rulez. So dnt cheat yoself. Its jst a fact, face it!
4. If ur facing problems in yo relationshp, don’t go 2 articles 4 help coz:
>whoever wrote those articles is a vry differnt person frm u. We r all made unique.
>they mst hav bn wth jst one person & they decided 2 conclude tht men/women r the same – Be wise!
Instead, seek yo creator’s guidance in prayer & He wil help u by givin u the ryt person 2 tok to.
We live in a world full of hate, pride, lust, jealousy & so on. At the end of the day, its you, yoself & yo life.
U wnt hav anybody 2 blame at yoself.
First Lady
January 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Gud point Sagacitte! No 1 wil ever graduate until thy die coz even happily married couples r stil learning.
Munalian
January 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm
@ Maggie,
You may be right…dad used to tell me & brother that he felt like the king the office and pub BUT suddenly morphed into a servant of the queen once in the house…
“adultery” is of pre-internet era,today it “e-dultery” or i-dultery if you use Mac/iPhone!!
Invitations are on the way…Dahlia is still planning everything…