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My Husband’s Girlfriend is Pregnant for Him; What Should I Do?

girlfrom bedPlease I need urgent advise. I left my matrimonial home in January after I found out another woman was pregnant for my husband. I was six months pregnant then and the other lady was five.

This woman is my husband’s ex who he kept sleeping with until our wedding in September 2012. He told me he hasn’t touched her since we got married but he got her pregnant a month before our wedding…
I’m eight months pregnant now and I’m very angry and disappointed in myself for choosing a man who has humiliated me so much. My family and friends are begging me to go back home, give my marriage a chance and have my baby there, but I don’t know that I want to do that.
I’m staying at my parents house at the moment and yes my husband is also begging. So on top of being angry, I’m also confused. Please what should I do?
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Posted by on March 7, 2013. Filed under STYLE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

52 Responses to My Husband’s Girlfriend is Pregnant for Him; What Should I Do?

  1. shane Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 11:11 am

    aaaaaawwww shame…:(..i feel for u…thats a hard one

  2. stephen Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 11:21 am

    The problem was with you at first because you dind’t find out propery wether the man was still fritting with his ex girlfriend or not, so you need to know that they will not stop that act and take your time before you go back to your materenial home

    • MMD Cadre Reply

      March 7, 2013 at 12:44 pm

      Use proper English, it is not fritting it is flirting.

      • GK Reply

        March 8, 2013 at 4:41 pm

        And also not “materenial”, its “Matrimonial”. Ichisungu since ba FTJ (MHSRIP)took over, chalipena.

  3. Lea Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 11:44 am

    I feel for you my sister,take time to think things through, at the end of the day you will be the one living with this situation.

  4. beautiful Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    Follow your heart my dear! The decision is in your hands. Sad situation indeed.

  5. Abene Smokey Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    really sad daer

  6. Mich Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    Just go back home such happens, by staying away he will end up impregnating the neighbor’s daughter. The more you stay away the more hungry he will be.

  7. bp Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    just leave him…………en forget about him or forgive him en start anew…………

  8. zimande Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    This is a sad situation. There is a chance that he may not stop even in the future. Think about your life and the baby. There is only one life and staying with him may mean more life risks. Pray about it and move on.

  9. mwamba mutale Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    Just go back or else the other girl will move in

  10. ck Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    PRAY over it and the decision lies with you and you only.

  11. Chuma Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Go back he chose u. but start prying hard i tell its hard coz there be just doing silly things till later he will stop. its hard i ve been there

  12. bupe Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    he is your husband! we cnt deny that bt he has no morals and respect for you at all. if he cnt respect you as a woman he cnt respect any woman ever thats why you need to teach him a lesson. begging you to go back dosnt mean he has changed. tell him to be born again

  13. nana Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    If u want ur marriage u will have to go back before you find another woman in your house. You can not change the fact that the other woman is carrying you husbands child so live with it!!!!

  14. WISE MAN Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    EH, GIRL MEN ARE DIAMONDS THESE DAYS. GO BACK AND CONTINUE LOVING HIM. IF YOU STAY AWAY HE WILL MARRY ANOTHER WOMAN BUT YOU OTHER MEN WILL AT YOU AS A SALAULA ESPECIALLY THAT SOON YOU WILL HAVE A BABY AND YOUR BREASTs WILL DROP/ FALL

  15. WISE MAN Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    EH, GIRL MEN ARE DIAMONDS THESE DAYS. GO BACK AND CONTINUE LOVING HIM. IF YOU STAY AWAY HE WILL MARRY ANOTHER WOMAN BUT YOU OTHER MEN WILL LOOK AT YOU AS A SALAULA ESPECIALLY THAT SOON YOU WILL HAVE A BABY AND YOUR BREASTS WILL DROP/ FALL

  16. Kasaka Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Kulibe mr perfect. Just go back to him. Men a all like that. You a luck he married you

  17. mwamba mutale Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Ngawapapa ukese kuli ine naifwe tulenyengana so that tukamupeshe umulume obe. Abe cikala. Meanwhile ubwelelemo

  18. saliz Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    A normal married man has a girl friend. They just pretend to be innocent. So just live with it and go back if we want the marriage.

  19. Gillymore Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    Wiseman, be informed that its not every woman who drops her breasts after a first child. Am above 40 and had 2 children and my breasts are as firm as ever, some men will agree with me on this, it depends on the body make up of a woman. So girl, its yr decision, listen to what yr heart is telling you to do.

    • Gillymore Reponse Reply

      March 11, 2013 at 7:03 am

      I can’t see the connection, I’m amazed at your advertisement gillymore.

  20. roses Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    As much as it is so hurtful and disappointing, you are married and once you clear your head and accept what has happened, go back home. Am living with a man who is cheating and am hurting and just hanging in there. Read yesterdat s post on page 34. It may help. Am out of employment and I desperately looking for a job which is not coming forth. How I wish someone can help me. Am a college graduate.

  21. PIKE Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Go back to you matrimonial home please.it is one of those things in marriage.

  22. nawaitwika Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    I have no comments ndeloleshafye.

  23. am a serious PF DIE HARD. Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    do a kamaHIV test if positive start medication, you are probaly not sweet in bed so your husband has gone where he is given a good one.so try alangizi so that they can teach you how to do ur husband he may change his heart.otherwise you are a loser in life probably you grabbed the man fro ur friend.if all fails kill urself.

  24. kwasha mukwenu Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Mwamba Mutale and mms cadre muli fipuba! You Cadre who made you her English teacher? And You Mutale Mwamba, what a shallow advice!

  25. game meat Reply

    March 7, 2013 at 11:42 pm

    men are like dogs. Just go home. He is your husband. your rival will move in if you delay and your husband will receive her since we men we are like dogs.

    • Ken Reply

      March 12, 2013 at 12:16 pm

      Correction Game Meat, say you are a dog and not “We” as men.

      Am happy to be a human being and not a dog and will never be one in my life. I was born from human beings, may be your parents were dogs.

  26. dnice Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 12:41 am

    the good thing here for you to use in forgiving your husband is the fact that you knew he had been seeing his ex wife even before your wedding day. what made you think he will stop seeing her after the wedding? Its a very tough call but one you just need to deal with.
    You need to make this decision yourself. Do not go back just because people are telling you to go back. Make sure this is what you want to do. My advise to you is, should you consider going back to him, please make sure both of you do the HIV test thing!!! because who knows, may be your husband has been seeing more than just his ex.
    Again, let it come from you whether you go back with your husband or not.
    All the best

  27. Umusambashi Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 6:25 am

    My dear, your situation is quiet sad, but I would advise you first do an RVT(HIV) and syphilis test;generally, do all the blood tests, if u ok and decide to go back, ask ur hubby to do th same, if he is ok,praisw the Lord. If he isn’t go for counselling to know how to live together. Also disscus the way forward concerning the child he has in terms of support and inheritance. If I were you,I wouldn’t be too quick to hung the man by the neck, he is your husband, do not leave in a heist, especially that u knew he was seeing her before ui, befr ur wedding, I ve seen and knwn very crafty and venomous women wh wld do anything in thr power to get wht thy want at the expense of othr people’ emotions and lives. If u follow thru very well, u will discover tht othr woman didnt really want n plan fr th child she hs, sh concieved out of spite cos since they were together before you and th wedding, if it was true love and she trully wantd a child with him, why did she not concieve thn, why now whn he hs married u and u pregnant? Instead of leaving,help ur husband see her for who she trully is. Usually men ve problems reading women, so help me see her for what she is, her motives and he will realise tht woman has never loved her but its all about her…she uses her body to get what she needs from him and now the child is another pawn.From here,discuss ur future as a family, I mean, ur husband, ur child nd u. Th othr child is illigetimate, not ur fault, off course give it its due support and inheritance fit for an illigitimate child, best example is thr in the bible abt Abraham and Ishmeal. As long as a child isnt born in the true circle of marriage, that child isnt considered as one who is but for the blood which that child shares with those born in th circle, give it a little piece of bone and meat to chew so th legitimate live a quarrel free life.Do not hate the child, the problem is the mother, one dayu that woman will rip wht she hs sworn.Mama,go back to ur home and put ur house in order.You do not want ur first legal child to be born in ur parent’s home, do you. The father needs the memories of his true first child too, do not rob him of that. I believe ur parents ve hd their share of problems, what makes a marriage a marriage is the problms ur solve togthr and how happy u are at th end of th day…..ths also determns hw open and close ur husband wil b to you.Be the friend,sister,prayer warrorior,mother and wife ur husband needs you to be for him now, for this is when he needs you most my sister. Be the pillar that he saw in you enough to be confident to bring you into his home as his permanent anchor.Daughter of Sarah, God has given u enough ability to overcome this situation,take haert and all will be well. May your marriage be blessed and fullfilled in Jesus Christ’s name. Amen

  28. Bwamba Bukalipa Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 6:53 am

    To bad my sister but Cipuba cobe ico just go back and continue yr life . Ala amano yakukila mwitoloshi but since he married you he wanted you . Please go back home and pretend he never did it .

  29. gagamel Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 8:42 am

    am a man nd feel for u.jst dat shit appenz….go back nd live yo life.even u you knw dat crap appens

  30. Amai tilikuseli Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 9:28 am

    You are forgeting something here an African man can marry two wives if he can afford. Besides that their are too many women than men in the world.So you greedy sister go back if it was me you come back you find another one with a two months pregnant.

  31. Denmark Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Musunge mushe, The best advise you can get is to pray to God and get a proper revelation.

  32. lynn Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    but kwena…i feel sorry for us women…men are allowed to do that sort of crap and women are expected to forgive…

  33. Mwinecho Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    2bad my dear. it happens “Every married woman is potentially married to a polygamous man”. like it or not. lv got 2children outside marriage but she doesn’t know about it. Akayenda kuziba, Kayaaa!!!!!!
    But the best is to go back and find ways of bringing the other child home so that they are no excuses like l went to see my child otherwise winagu mwana azabwela. All da best.

  34. mbo Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    its really sad dear. these men. but one thing i cant understand, he got her pregs one month bfore your wedding and yo pregs is older by one month. does it mean you were pregs bfore your wedding. one month after your wedding is too soon. thse two have been enjoying each other and it has come to the open. the truth is even if you go back they will still zcontinue.

  35. ndate mutongoki Reply

    March 8, 2013 at 5:34 pm

    Go back my dear. Life is like that: people we love can also hurt us. I suspect the ex-girlfriend enticed your man in an effort to hold on to him. There are very very few men who can resist sex when it’s given on silver plata…especially that it was ‘munda wa kale si uvuta kulima’

  36. Maria Tebo Reply

    March 9, 2013 at 6:10 am

    LEAVE HIM PERIOD
    THE MORE TOLERANT THE WOMAN, THE MORE THE AFRICAN MAN WILL **** UP WITH YOU. THE SOON YOU LEAVE THE EARLIER HE LEARNS. THEY ALL NEED TO LEARN THAT IF THEY **** UP, THEY NEED TO SUFFER THE CONCIQUENCES. IT IS A PROCESS. THE AFRICAN MAN STILL HAS OPTIONS UTSIDE MARRIAGE BUT ONE DA HE WILL LEARN IN OLD AGE HOW MUCH HE WASTED IN LIFE.

  37. silas mulenga Reply

    March 9, 2013 at 11:44 am

    plz leave him ad come 2 me am a single man

  38. Shi Mafunde Reply

    March 9, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    My Dear Sister, sorry for such a situation. But you havent said whether the ex is ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. Worse still you knew that they continued with some relationship even after you came into his life. Strangely you decided to get married to him. I am wondering why you feel more pain now even though you knew they had a relationship when you were getting married. Maybe you just forced yourself on him and you broke their relationship/marriage. In this case you are just paying for your own sins. Otherwise reconcile with your hubby and go back home. Remember, the other woman is interested in the man and surely the man will not continue begging you for long.

  39. chelsea Reply

    March 9, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    I so much agree with u,african men have a very bad mentality,I know most of them do.so dear,leave this man cause he won’t stop cheating

  40. wowo Reply

    March 9, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    Mamamiya!!!!! Wonders shall never end!!!!!!!!

  41. Umutekatima wabushishe ikonge amabula Reply

    March 10, 2013 at 3:31 am

    I just taught one a lesson.Ukuchita tolerate ubupuba too long in the name of keeping marriage when you yourself are not happy is wrong.Life is about happiness.Problem ku Africa intambi shalipitilila.Nensala causes as to live in unwanted marriages.

  42. obed bwalya Reply

    March 10, 2013 at 7:08 am

    game meat its only u who is like a DOG wilatupalanya kumbwa wecipubawe!!!!!!!!!!

  43. Umutekatima wabushishe ikonge amabula Reply

    March 11, 2013 at 2:38 am

    The truth hurts though it sets free too.

  44. SHIBUKOMBE Reply

    March 11, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    He doe not love you that is why the girlfriend got pregnant before he married you. TRUE or False!!!

  45. umutekatima wabushishe ikonge amabula Reply

    March 12, 2013 at 2:47 am

    True Shibukombe,wasosa.

  46. One4Gino Reply

    March 12, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    Girl,i’ll tell you one thing… he messed you up, and some people say “you may be second hand”,screw them..as a man i know one thing for sure,”theres no such thing as “old P***y”, a girl is mistreated today,tomorow she baths and tells the next man her story,the man will still look at her blaaz (brand new)and decide to move on with her…Am married too and from a mans point of view, just the fact that he married you while he was going on with another girl means he wants u to be “the wife” and the other a “sex object”,now that u are away, things may turn round,go back and lay ground rules,also put him on the 90 days rule before he touches u,he will learn to appreciate u and stop poking anything that moves

  47. ‘Promiscuous’ Lusaka Clergyman Divorced Reply

    March 12, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    their is a word called endurance my sis..just apply it..i knw its tough and very painful at times but just continue girl..save your marriage

  48. colinto Reply

    March 13, 2013 at 1:22 am

    He probably was carrying out an experiment just to see if he was functioning well.In that case what you need to do is to give him a child also in order to balance the equation. You leaving him, just shows that you have been defeated. i know you seem to be a brave lady. Please reconsider your decision you made…

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