By Edwin Ngwane

“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~ Aristotle

Once in a while, no matter how good you are as a person, there will always be a someone who will criticize, reject or hate you.

And since we are human beings who got a longing for belonging, we get hurt when people criticize, reject or hate us for no apparent reason.

The feelings of such experiences robs us of happiness, confidence and peace. We begin to question everything in our lives to the point of failing to do anything.

And the worst kind of criticism, rejection or hate is from the people we love. Family and friends. It really affects us.

Therefore, it is important for you to know how to handle criticism, rejection and hate.

Follow these few steps;
1. UNDERSTAND THAT NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU.
Great people like Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and Mother Theresa, just to name a few, had people who never liked them. Why do you bother yourself then?

Why should you dwell on the ‘why did he say that’, and ‘how could she do that’, or ‘why me’. Stop questioning yourself.

You might be too tall, too short, too skinny, too fat, too educated for someone’s liking, too quiet, too talkative, too political, too religious, too rich, too poor…… and the list is endless.

The world is what it is… not everyone will like you. It’s as simple as that. Stop yearning for acceptance.

2. PEOPLE WHO CRITICIZE OR REJECT YOU, HAVE THEIR OWN INSECURITIES
One of the things common with people who criticize a lot is that they rarely do anything themselves.

They have their own fears and wants to pour them on you! Obviously, constructive criticism is good and that’s not what we are talking about here.

Most people criticize you because they feel inadequate themselves. So, understand people and what drives them to say negative things about you and what you do.

Your parents might criticize you for considering a job outside the country because of their own fear of staying alone without you.

Your husband or wife might criticize, reject your type of business or work because of their own insecurities.

Understand this and find a way of assuring them especially if people involved are those you love.

3. STOP SEEKING PERMISSION OR APPROVAL FOR YOUR LIFE
There is even a psychological term for it: rejection sensitivity.

There was a time when I was very sensitive to rejection, to the extent that I would try to change myself so people would be happy with me.

Many of us are needy for the approval of others. It is like there is a void inside us that we try to fill with admiration from others. It cripples us when we don’t please everyone around.

For example, we are liked by most people and disliked by one or two. But we let those one or two people have the biggest impact on our emotional state. We start believing that if one person does not approve of us, everyone will feel the same way.

We usually buy the things we don’t need to impress people we do not like. If someone doesn’t compliment you on your beautiful dress, then it becomes a big issue.

Please, stop seeking approval from others and live your life. No one cares about you more than you.

4. DON’T TAKE REJECTION PERSONALLY
Remember that the rejection says nothing about you as a person. Getting rejected is part of life and it is not a personal attack.

For whatever reason a business associate, a girl, your boss, or follower, wasn’t interested in a particular thing.

Rejection isn’t your fault, per se. The other person (or people) was rejecting something particular that didn’t work for them. They were rejecting the request, not you.

Remember, they can’t reject you as a person because they don’t know you. Even if you’ve gone on a few dates with someone, that doesn’t mean they know everything about you and are thus rejecting you as a person.

They are rejecting a situation that doesn’t work for them. Respect that.

For example: you asked out that girl you really liked, and she said “no.” Does this mean that you are worthless? Does this mean no one will ever want to date you? No, of course not.

She simply isn’t interested in the request (for whatever reason; she could be in a relationship, she could be not interested in dating, etc.).

5. USE CRITICISM, REJECTION & HATE AS FUEL DRIVING YOU TO SUCCESS
Sometimes rejection can be an important wake-up call and can help you improve your life.

If you can, ask the person who rejected you to give you some feedback on why they weren’t interested. That is if the criticism is constructive.

One of the reasons people will pick on your weaknesses could be because of jealousy. They could be silently competing with you.

If people are consistently criticising you, it could also be a sign of genius. You are doing what no one thinks about.

And if you are doing something ethical, with good intentions, you shouldn’t care about what haters say or think.

6. STOP DWELLING ON CRITICISM, REJECTION OR HATE
Stop dwelling on it. It’s time to let that rejection go. Some people enjoy it when they step on your nerves and your demons come out.

The more you dwell on it, the bigger it will become and the more you’ll feel like you can never succeed.

If you find yourself really and truly unable to let go of the criticism, rejection or hatred, especially if it involves family, you will need to seek professional help.

Stop treating everyone who doesn’t agree with you as a hater. Remember that the guy who thinks that the world is full of jerks, is almost always a jerk.

Lastly, be the inspiration.

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Edwin is a Banker, Motivational Speaker & Entrepreneur