THINGS THAT MAKE A WOMAN MARKETABLE IN ZAMBIA

1: Graduation Gown (specially the green UNZA or CBU and Mulungushi University one)

2: ZAF uniform (yes Zambia Airforce officer are scooped off fast. Army and ZNS too but a lady officer in a ZAF uniform is mwaa)

3: Independent working class. Humble and hardworking lady going to work in her little Vitz, nice lovely hair and heals. Or independent woman who is not chocky or big headed is every man’s dream

4: Nurse uniform. Yeah, nurses are on high demand.

5: Business woman running her own boutique or restaurant or just something to show that her success is not sexually transmitted!

6: Women in work suits. Surprisingly, women in engineering, electrical or mechanical work usually marry fast. Most guys say these women are “real” and are not artificial

7: Ex nuns. In the Catholic circles and even at their work places, ex nuns are considered disciplined and low mileage and sell like hot cakes.

8: Female Doctors. These are scooped even before graduation. Last time I tried to hang around Ridgeway campus, I was unsuccessful after waiting for three months to see one single one. Even the ugly ones go like hot cakes..

9: Ladies returning from Diaspora. Diaspora blinds many men. It’s like they went to heaven and are now back as angels

10. Graduates returning from scholarship in Russia, China or anywhere were they went to have free education

11: Landlords. Almost all men adore ladies that have their own plots or houses. I mean who wouldn’t want free accommodation

SUSPECTS : (Category of those who find it hard to find husbands)

1: Zambia Police. I don’t know why but police are seen as naughty characters. You must be a tough guy to be hanging out around police camps.

2: Teachers. Between 2000 and 2010, HIV really ravaged the teaching profession. This led most guys to shun teachers compounds and not want to enjoy any “chalk bonus”

3: Business women who go to South Africa, Dubai, China or Kasumbalesa. We have all heard, especially ku South where ba mukabene on business trips ku jorburg share rooms with Zambian guys so they can reduce their expenses and use his taxi. Kasumbalesa is also a suspicious area and most dudes shun it

4: Church girls. these Church girls (rebased virgins) have been known to shock many guys. Top on the unwanted list are praise team members and Master Guides mu SDA, After years and years of Banditary activities, most of these ex-cons take refuge in the temple of Yahweh and hide under the “wings of the Lord”..however, they have been known from time to time to shock their husbands and perform wonders and miracles unheard of

5: Baby mama’s. I am a strong supporter of single mothers. But society judges them and unfortunately they find it hard to get a man who will accept her and her package. This is so unfortunate as some of the most beautiful, most kind people I’ve ever met in life are single mothers. Please let’s stop judging, we all make mistakes. And if it was not for condoms, we would all be mothers and fathers

6: Grade 12 failures. This one is self explanatory

7: Lozi’s. Most men are afraid of marrying lozi women. Sounds funny but it’s really true. They even say ati “uleupa umu lozi”. The myth is that Lozi women are mean and selfish and unwelcoming. But some of the most beautiful people I have met are lozi. Let’s break down this uncivilized thinking

8: Widows. Unless your late husband was rich, just join a Catholic convent.

9: Fat women. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a fat girl to find a husband (unless she is rich)

10: Jehovah’s witnesses. Most men think these girls are backwards and strict for nothing and crazy! Chinja team ukolewe sister!

11: Female lecturers. I have seen few married female lecturers. Reason being, I don’t know. Kaya…

12. Women involved in politics. You must really be silly to trust a woman who is always at rallies and travels countrywide with fellow beer drinking cadres on campaign trails…

13: Shoprite and Pick and pay/Spur Cashier’s. Maybe it’s because of their funny eyebrows but aba nabena chalyuma…

14: Female Pastors. No man wants to be quoted bible verses when he is Horny. Mu bedroom kuli holiness. Now most men begin to wonder if the reverend can give a blow job. Pastor nankwe yalikosa