By Yona Musukwa

I still maintain that Zambians will have special exemptions when it comes to entering heaven. It will be unfair for God to subject us to the same final judgment rules with others when our lives, environment and circumstances are not heavenly friendly.

it’s far much easier for someone who lives in Norway or Sweden or Finland or Denmark to enter heaven than for a Zambian or Congolese or Zimbabwean.

For example, a Zambian is forced to sin by circumstances beyond his control. When you just wake up, you are loadsheded, you spend the next 1 hour annoyed, insulting everything Zesco. Just when you are almost done insulting Zesco, manzi yayenda, you haven’t even bathed, water goes, so the next 1 hour is spent insulting Lusaka Water and Sewerage Company.

With no electricity and no water, you get out of the house to go and hustle. Just a few kilometers into the highway, you find ba Traffic Police and RTSA with their nonsense, another 1 hour is spent arguing and insulting them. By this time, you have even developed ka headache, so you decide to pass by Chelston Clinic. At the clinic, you are made to wait not less than 4 hours in order to be attended to. When you are finally attended to, only a prescription is given to you to go and buy the medicine. You again get upset and insult the entire Ministry of Health, from the Minister to the cleaner.

As you head to the pharmacy to buy the medicine, you find dead dogs and cats on the road, and Lusaka City Council is nowhere to collect this garbage being turned into mince meat by motorists. You quickly resume your insulting and cursing, starting from the Minister of local government to the Mayor and their relatives.

After everything you have gone through during the day, you get home to relax and catch up on current affairs. You tune in to ZNBC to watch the 19 hours news, Yangu Tata Lesa, just the first 10 minutes of propaganda, President Lungu this, President Lungu that, Christians for Lungu says God happy with our President, chosen by God, Prophet Amata says President Lungu winning 2021, is enough to make you insult the whole world, even innocent people who have nothing to do with ZNBC. You quickly change the channel to Prime TV, only to discover that it was closed. You resume your insulting, by this time, you don’t even know who you are insulting.

Now bane, can you go to heaven like this?