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THINGS You Should Do If Your Husband Is CHEATING
Married women need to understand that whether or not their husband cheats is out of their control. The most that they can do is to cultivate the relationship with their husband, be the best person that they can be and know how to handle themselves if an affair does happen.
Seek Support
Discovering your spouse’s infidelity can bring on a range of powerful emotions. Few people are equipped to deal with the heartache and devastation on their own. Seek out family and friends who can be supportive and nonjudgmental during this period. If you do not have a built-in support network, turn to your priest, minister or licensed therapist to help.
Talking about your feelings often helps to clarify the situation and put the affair into perspective. Before you can move on in whatever direction you choose to take, you must first fully understand that what happened is not your fault. In fact, it is possible that the affair had everything to do with your spouse and nothing at all to do with you.
Take Your Time
Acting in the heat of the moment often results in knee-jerk reactions that may not be in your best interests. On his website, celebrity therapist Dr. Phil advises, “Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters.” Although you may want to know every intimate detail of the affair, you need time to absorb what occurred in your marriage first. Postpone discussions with your husband about it until you feel that both of you can do it in a calm and constructive manner.
Give yourself the time to come to grips with the situation by taking a short trip or staying with friends or family for a few days. Whether you choose to stay with your husband or seek a divorce, approaching things as if preparing for battle is not healthy for you or your family.
Start Over
In “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Perfect Marriage,” authors Hilary Rich and Helaina Kravatz advise, “Your marriage is now divided into the time before and the time after the affair.” After marital infidelity, many women start to idealize the time before the affair, and consider the time after the affair as tainted. Since you can never go back to the way it was and do not want it to be the way it is now, the only viable alternative is to start over.
You can leave the marriage and start over alone, or forge ahead in the relationship with your husband by redefining your marriage. Whatever path you choose, make sure to break with the past and ensure a completely fresh start in your new life.
Protect Yourself
Although it is in your best interest to take the time to decompress from the emotions after discovering infidelity in your marriage, you need to be smart and protect yourself financially. Seek the advice of a licensed attorney to advise you in your financial affairs with an eye towards possible separation or divorce. At this point, you do not want to find yourself with a wandering mate and empty bank account.
livestrong
Posted by
nakana
January 23, 2012 at 6:35 am
This is too short. What about the kids, if there are any? Give us more data please.. Not tuma dyonkoz
nakferd
January 23, 2012 at 6:38 am
is your editor a divorced lady? this needs no publication for news.
Miss G
January 23, 2012 at 6:46 am
Wipe hs bank a/c clean n ditch th nigger!
REAL MAN
January 23, 2012 at 8:00 am
Ba Tumfweko, katwishi.
Pussy clean~.
January 23, 2012 at 8:30 am
Jst cut his dick~.
Barca 10
January 23, 2012 at 8:37 am
Get yoself a spare wheel…
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 8:46 am
In a mans world thr is no such thing as cheating!
I just want to ejaculate! So deal with it *****!
DeLady
January 23, 2012 at 8:49 am
Most men behave like imbwa or nande ati nimbwa
Bandito
January 23, 2012 at 9:30 am
@Delady careful with yo choice of words! it seems u hav found out he’s got a spare wheel. Live with it woman
BLACK UHURU
January 23, 2012 at 9:57 am
MULELANDA BWINO BAANE.AS IF U WERE BORN NENSELE MUKANUABAICHE BANDI.
sadi
January 23, 2012 at 10:00 am
Even wivies cheat
sadi
January 23, 2012 at 10:04 am
Even wivies cheat so what should hubbies do and what happens to the kids
umuntu
January 23, 2012 at 10:19 am
if your hubby is cheating jst remain mute and jst be nice he may come back to his senses.cheating husbands you should be ashamed of yourselves bafikala why did you marry in the first place.grow up or you lose your wife
Phebby Chiwama SA
January 23, 2012 at 10:25 am
Better if i don’t find out that my hubby is cheating,cause if i find out i’ll definitely put rat poison in his food so watch out my husband.
Two can play that game
January 23, 2012 at 10:39 am
6 yrs ago he cheated, I found out. The man I turned to for advice has been making me happy ever since! Am happy, my husband is happy, the kids are happy! The secret is not to be found out! Life is good!
By the way, I only sleep with one man, and it’s not my husband!
UMUNTU
January 23, 2012 at 11:02 am
@TWO CAN PLAY THE GAME.pliz give us a break what shit is this.your comment is not making sense.is everything ok maybe you need conselling.pliz make sensible comments or you provoke da wiseman.
Tripple
January 23, 2012 at 11:04 am
lolest@ Two can play that game…damnnnn that is so smart,i am so inspired..way to go my girl.instead of him getting u depressed which will ultimately affect the kids,its better to find ur feet and girl u did it smartly,that way everyone is happy…ba fikamba bafwaya chiwamina galu,we all have the same blood running in our veins after all so an eye 4 an eye,why should it pain them more,heck!!! the idea is just not to be found out,chapwa!!!
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 11:05 am
@two
One day you will be caught! And as a woman it wont be goooooooooooood!
Advisor
January 23, 2012 at 11:19 am
It’s unfortunate but things happen and people cheat. I think it’s good to let the person choose the options open. If you choose to stay it’s good, if you choose to leave, you have also not sinned either. Just do what you can bear and move on in life, the person affected feels the pain so they are the key while others can only advise.
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 11:47 am
@Advisor
True dat!
For me i have four rules, rule one (the hardest)let wife know. rule two, I dont screw married women or those engaged. rule three, rubberize! rule four Dont promise marriage or that u will leave your wife!
Mr wise
January 23, 2012 at 11:48 am
‘The idea is just not to be found out, chapwa’Am happy the other lady says…one day you be caught!And as a woman it wont be good!I agre men cheat,but as a lady u shud not get so annoyed that u end up comparing or fight back by way of getting a spare wheel , some one says poison his food, the other says just offer the consellor so that we are all happy NO NO PLS,U better talk over and settle the issue as hus and wife, afta all u ladies easily forgive, but for men its very difficult to forgive.IN my nebahood, there’s lady divorced together with her two children coz her ex hus caught her cheating and he rejected the kids saying i didn’t father them.So pls just talk do not revenge.
Tripple
January 23, 2012 at 11:50 am
@Umunthu come on,first mind what u say,second she dont need counselling bcoz she not doing nofin wrong,its different when a woman just cheats of her own volition,but if her man does it and she follows suit,theres no problem…someone here just commented that its not cheating he just wanna ejaculate,so why aint u attacking him? well is it bcoz he is a man and she is woman? get off it man,this is a modern world we are living in so if he can do shit..she can do shit too!!! it really dont matter what the next person thinks as long as am happy,so men should equally deal with it!!
safely mulala
January 23, 2012 at 11:52 am
Both women and men like cheating……
zedman
January 23, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Sex thrills is always on the minds. Thus the cheating. Plus it is fantastic when your are cheating.
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm
For the women are always on the receiving end! We have rubbers, and 94% of men hate the female condom. And worse still most men dont like condoms! So dont just think HIV, when u r being done “live” and u trust the man u r cheating with. Think also “human papilloma virus (HPV)”
Why do you think so many cases of cervical cancer!
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm
Cervical cancer!
“While there are no symptoms in the early stages, unusual bleeding – which can occur after sex, in between periods or after the menopause – is often the first noticeable cause for concern.
Other signs may include pain in and around the vagina when having sex, an unpleasant smelling discharge, pain when passing urine or, in the more advanced stages, blood in the urine, loss of bladder control, bone pain, leg and kidney swelling and weight loss.”
So guys dont forget put on the rubber!!, that place aint as rosy as you think! (looks ugly actual)! lol! kaja ka roomu! lol!
Snr.citizen
January 23, 2012 at 12:46 pm
My advice to young ones, before u involve your self in a deep relationship that lead to marriage, take time to study your partner in a period of 3 yrs to know each other, cos when you choose a life partner u need to be careful, otherwise you will be miserable the rest of your life. Divorce is sometimes the only solution if the problem is irreversible, if possible avoid divorce especially if there are children in a marriage, such children are the ones that end up in the street cos there are not welcome in their parents new relationship. Try hard not to destroy your home, take the problem to both the two families of the wife and husband.
Vitumbuwa
January 23, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Its either u care or u don’t care at all. It hurts to discover that the person u love and care for with all your is cheating to u……….
UPND'S Hakainde@ngombe
January 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm
Snr.citizen Ulefwaya baleitomba fye ukwabula ukupana, hahha. ubucende bwamwaume tabonaula ng’anda. Tell Snr.citizen is this a new saying?????
dick
January 23, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Same sexstuff danm!
Janet c
January 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Let me ask one question: were human beings meant to be monogamous/have 1 partner?
When you go on safari, you find 1 male lion and many lionesses in, for example, a lion pride. The lion is in a polygamous arrangement.
On the other hand, when a female dog is on heat, any male dog can go there – the one with the strongest sperm makes her pregnant. In this case, the female dog is a polygamist.
You decide……ine I have the tendency to cheat because I can’t commit to sticking to the same partner for life. For me if my man cheats, I will NOT be surprised and the only thing I ask for is for him to respect me and the kids i.e. don’t go in public places with the woman.
I, too, have the capacity to cheat – and when I do, I would also show respect for the husband
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm
@janet c, so in this case u have confirm u the female dog perpetually on heat!
Janet c
January 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm
@ Umunthu – where did you learn you speak or interpret English? What is your take on this – I mean I have put it out there for debate and all you can do is sink so low and point fingers. get a bloody life and if you have no brain capacity to debate intellectually, then shut the hell up
bagaza
January 23, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Janet C is a beich.What a brave girl u are.Seiously very few sluts can confess about that.Why is it that there are bad names for women than men e.g slut, beich,hole, e.t.c
Janet c
January 23, 2012 at 2:14 pm
@ Bagaza – I guess you too can’t debate without labelling ppl.
By the way, what is a ‘beich’, what is ‘Seiously’ – go back to night school of you can’t spell correctly
Questions
January 23, 2012 at 2:32 pm
I cheat because my wife does not give it to me the way i want it. I have tried to communicate verbally and non verbally to no avail. Sex is so boring and predictable. But with my ATM, it is amazing. She gives me blow jobs and we are both adventurous. We try a lot of things in bed. I just cant get enough. I rubberise of course. Call me whatever but im enjoying it and not ready to let go!! So ladies, attend to the immediate needs of your men when and how they want them met.
Janet c
January 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm
@ Questions – some women cheat because their husbands are hopeless in bed – some men think because they have a big ‘thing’ they are good. Men – ensure that you satisfy your women or else they will also stray
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 2:55 pm
@janet c wewo okuvya lini!! “On the other hand, when a female dog is on heat, any male dog can go there – the one with the strongest sperm makes her pregnant. In this case, the female dog is a polygamist.
You decide……ine I have the tendency to cheat because I can’t commit to sticking to the same partner for life.”
I am
January 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Hahahahahahahaha @Janet C You make me laugh. am enjoying your talk,Big up mwandi.
Mr wise
January 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm
We ar busy trying to talk on the ill effects cheating , but some are coming out in open that they cheat husbands.I think a soln ll never be found if we continue having ladies who can freely say i cheat and i have kids .WHAT ll u tell yo kids when they grow up if u are not with their father coz u were divorced due to cheating?
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm
just look around you! the Adverts are everywhere! Along the streets, on Radio, TV, etc.
That should tell you that even the Gov has noticed.
Too much sex out thr! and people dont care any more!
So guys put that rubber on that willy!
Snr.citizen
January 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm
When a woman ovulates a man does not notice, but when a female animal is on heat male animals smell the heat and follow it, this is the good thing that tells us that there is a difference between animals and human beings cos we can control our sexual desires,we know when and where to do it. Animals can met anywhere and at any time without shame while humans know who to do it with and in private, so people respect your partners do not just meet any one you set eyes on cos at the end when HIV/Aids catch up with you, you will learn it a hard way. do not say sembe ni na velela sembe si ni na ndwale u have to listen.
PAM
January 23, 2012 at 3:46 pm
It’s amazing how people justify cheating but the bottom line is that it is wrong to cheat. Lets learn to stick to one partner please….
Janet c
January 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm
@ mr Wise – you should also consider what fathers will say to their children when their wives divorce them due to cheating.
Men have always cheated since time immemorial – this century is for women to get their emotions back! When a man cheats, some women even die from depression. BUT times have changed and now two can play that game – so men, listen up – treat your wives well, satisfy them in bed, otherwise someone else will
Mr wise
January 23, 2012 at 4:25 pm
@Janet c,who told u that this is a women’s century?Lets hope u ar married coz this topic is not for singles.1.U janet c, seem to have a problem with men coz most of yo contributions are against men and some times u even call us dogs.Now, if truly u have got kids can u freely and without shame as a learned lady confess on net that u cheat yo hus .2.This notion of two can play the game…is just destroying u never compete with men.The issue of not satisfied in bed can not make u a flirt coz u can easily divorce and find some one satistying,but for u u have told us that u can’t stick to one for life…so u are not supposed to be married and u don’t flirt coz of satisfication .3.pls stop miss leading well meaning ladies coz some are getting sense from our fight and quest to reduce or stop infidelity.
umunthu
January 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm
@Janet c, can we hook up for some quickie? No strings attached!
MJ
January 23, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Cheating has brought us nothing bt pain and suffering in this world. People dont understand that sex has brought down many a great man, think of all pastors, presidents, laymen, husbands who have been brought down all becoz of sex, like one Seventh Day Adventist pastor rightly put it” if there is any commandment where the Devil has total control, its commandment number 7″, Do not commit adultry, no matter what, dont do it.
Janet c
January 23, 2012 at 4:45 pm
@ Mr Wise – I suspect you are trying to maintain the staus quo – that is, it is perfectly fine for you men to cheat on women and women should never do it because they will be labelled! Mr Wise, i am beginning to doubt just how wise you are. You men need to accept that times have changed and you no longer enjoy the power you used to enjoy.
It was not too long ago that men barred women from voting, that men barred women from having careers, that men barred women from owning property. Who ever thought women would overcome this.
If you want women to stop cheating, then you men better stop cheating too – you cant have your cake and eat it. Just accept and start making ammends to ensure that your wife does not cheat on you – start being more romantic, start buying flowers, but above all, men – stop cheating on women because we are now (very successfully) fighting back.
First lady
January 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm
@ mr wise,you haven’t answered janets question”what will fathers tell their kids when they are the cause of divorce because they cheated?”.try to be fair when commenting,someone above has committee that he cheats on his wife because the mistress is adventurious in bed but you haven’t rebuked him.is it that you’re for men cheating but not women?.i believe cheating is bad whether it’s being done by a woman or man and it’s high time it stopped.women let’s not be weak like men,let’s be strong and rule this world not by being like men but by being strong independent and principled.men are weak when a woman cheats that’s the end but wit us women when a man cheats we forgive and forget because we’re strong and rule over them,because we know there’re better things in life to worry about.
First lady
January 23, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Sorry it’s suppose to be “someone has commented above and not committee”