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I’m HIV+ and My Man is Negative. Please Advise
Well my story is not fictitious like most stories seem to be.
I am HIV positive and I have been seeing an HIV negative man who has known about my status even before we had something going on.
My man is loving caring and considerate but the challenge I have is that his relatives called me a walking corpse (dead body) and this put me off so much.
Even if the biological parents to my man are aware that am positive and have left the decision to him to decide saying that if he loves me and he is happy with me he can go ahead and marry me because all they want is their son to be happy then they are fine by it, I am still bothered by the way his relative behaved as I am not sure of what could happen tomorrow.
I am thinking of letting go but I can’t stand hurting him because he is one in a million and another thing is I could be expecting his baby. I really don’t know what to do about this and my mother in law has been so loving from the start.
Please dear readers help me will I be unfair to walk away? Please note that I encouraged him to do an HIV test several months after our sexual encounter and it was negative. Lastly, my family hardly likes him. My mother really doesn’t like my man. She tells me I need to get married to a man with a lot of money. what do i do?
Posted by Admin
on November 1, 2012. Filed under LATEST NEWS, STYLE.
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Pretty
November 1, 2012 at 12:33 am
Check the internet for people in your situation they’ll be the best to advise.
Raped
November 1, 2012 at 7:43 am
@Pretty lol… that is mean but i guess i have had the first big lough of the day
Pretty
November 1, 2012 at 12:23 pm
That’s what the most of us do… lol
Tom Bar Know Call Cheekalah
November 1, 2012 at 2:23 am
She tells me I need to get married to a man with a lot of money. what do i do?….Hmmmm we ‘ve an under 5 who claim to be richest in Zambia so try him….but be able to prepare chibwantu.
Isoka
November 1, 2012 at 5:42 am
Advice your man to leave you because you are prostitute how do you open up your legs for him for sex before you get married. Wish that part was not mentioned u shud have received good advice. Nevertheless go to Jesus he will restore your sanity
holy
November 1, 2012 at 6:41 am
You really do not care bout his life. Knowing u’re HIV + , how do u even dare to hav unprotected sex with him? Yu want to intentionally kill that man. Just leave him for the sake of his life.
Rick2290
November 1, 2012 at 6:43 am
@ Isoka,not every one who is HIV postive is a prositute.some never even know how they got it be real one day you will also need help.To my sister there talk to your man and let him know how you feel about the all thing.Your mother should also be a woman love is not money and so is happiness
TimZ
November 1, 2012 at 6:50 am
sorry my sister dat things are like dat. Infact its not only u with HIV virus in zambia who is seing HIV negative man. Couples are there with one partiner HIV -ve & another one HIV+ but live normal life. We call such a couple discordant. If yo man loves u & u think dat he will not change in future, den go ahead marry him. Let yo mother know dat its not easy 2 find a man with yo status. Better a poor man dan nothing. If u 2 love each other go ahead coz u are marrying yo man & not his relatives.
food for thought
November 1, 2012 at 7:07 am
men who are negative should come in open and air out their views.and moreover, nowdays hiv can not be transmitted if the lady is taking arvs risks are minimal
BOSS
November 1, 2012 at 7:23 am
Get married girl and live with your man. HIV + positive status is no longer a big issue. if you are on ARVs the risk of transmitting the virus is very low. There is also what is called pre- exposure prophylaxis whereby your man can take Truvada to reduce the risk of contracting HIV. Good luck babe.
Zemuntu
November 1, 2012 at 11:19 am
This is good advise i hope Janet C is listening, however, the issue of some one on ARVs not transmitting the virus is documented but there is need to encourage HIV(-) to be taking truvada.
King Musula Wenu
November 1, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Zemuntu, stop bringing my wife’s name in any issues. Let Janet C be busy cooking for me otherwise I will ask her to respond to you and you know how she reacts.
Dr.D
November 1, 2012 at 7:45 am
Your mother,am sure u know that,shez wrong.You nid no help poor lady go on and marry the poor man and be happy for life.Good lucky!
katan bana
November 1, 2012 at 8:19 am
my wife is positive am negative,I mared her in 2003 & got 2 children, negativ we are happily maried, th man is th key.th man has strong blood, remember sondashi formula is here fo cure. sf 2000. im still negative. contact me fo mo imfomation, give me yo number yu meet my wife, I meet yo husband oso. I beliv tunfweko shd facilitate fo privacy ,all th best.
Chama Febie
November 1, 2012 at 8:59 am
@Katan bana, are you sure you married a HIV person,you are a fool,me i can’t your wife was busy opening are legs without protection and you call it love atase ma rubbish.A HIV person should get married to a HIV person,negative for negative not you foools who thinks it’s love when you marry a walking corpse
Perez
November 1, 2012 at 10:24 am
HIV is not contracted only through sexual intercourse. I guess there is need for an article to be published that shows the avenues through which HIV maybe contracted.
Lisa
November 1, 2012 at 10:46 am
@chama Febie, hw do u tok lik that? wat if u yoself catch it th next day? @katan is right, my sista is hiv+ & th hubby is negative, th hubby married her 6yrs ago & they hav 2 kids who re negative, evn th hubby is stil negative. whose knws may be @chama u re even hiv+.
Chama Febie
November 1, 2012 at 1:16 pm
@Lisa your sister was also opening are smelly legs thats why she’s positive
another Iris
November 1, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Get a life
BM Final Third
November 1, 2012 at 8:29 am
The lady is not telling us the truth, its most likely that the man is not awere that the lady is HIV positive, No person knowly would do such thing sleeping without condom with a person with HIV. Please encourage your man to use condom before he is infected, because when he is sick more big problem will arise. please do the rightful thing at the right.
Republican 4 Life
November 1, 2012 at 8:46 am
Save a life
FUTURE PRESIDENT-ZAMBIA
November 1, 2012 at 8:47 am
HE IS A USELESS MAN WITH NO VISION, WHAT TYPE OF LOVE IS THAT?
YOU ARE A KILLER ALSO THATS WHY YOU DNT WANT HIM TO LEAVE YOU!
GO TO NIGERIA FOR PRAYERS YOU WILL BE HEALED AND THEN YOU CAN CONTINUE YOUR AFFAIR.
Lisa
November 1, 2012 at 10:49 am
put yoself in her shoe! wat if u were th one whose hiv+ then u meet a lady who u lov so mch even after telling her yo status & sh continues loving u? @future presidento u re th 1 who nids prayers! get a lif!
Chama Febie
November 1, 2012 at 1:20 pm
@Lisa i suspect you are also positive,me i can’t put myself in her shoes cause am not positive and i’ll never be in Jesus name,let that dead bury themselves
TRIPOLI
November 1, 2012 at 8:52 am
TUMFWEKO IS NOT THE RIGHT SITE FOR YOUR ADVICE.
kase
November 1, 2012 at 8:54 am
u are blessed he loves you and has accepted you dspite bn hiv+,very few women are been married nowadays.jst go ahead with the marriage.yo mother wi nt marry you,u are getn married to him nt hiz relatives,sounds harsh bt ts reality,god blessed
Ba Spekepeke
November 1, 2012 at 9:05 am
My Dear sister, the wise have spoken, the unwise have also spoken. pick wise advise for your happiness.forget about negative comments, someone mentioned the sondashi fomular, try it you may be cured. we wish you well and always pray to God for guidance.
GOD BLESS OUR LAND.
Nicola
November 1, 2012 at 9:31 am
just get married to the under 5.HH. because is also HIV positive.
chishimba
November 1, 2012 at 10:02 am
there is nothing to be sorry for sister, being sick dose not mean the end of love or the world just as marriage is not also about children but love. so when you look at that, why waste time thinking about why me etc. as for what you should do my beautiful sister, be in acceptance and let your heart desire (choice) guide you all the way, not what they say or said. if your man loves you and you do then get married and enjoy your life while it is still day after all, all of us have day to die. so be positive be cool and God bless you.
Dr Manda
November 1, 2012 at 10:16 am
he might be negative now, even though you went ‘live’ with him since you think you are pregnant,but it might be too early to tell since he is in what we call ‘the window period’. let him do another test in 3 months or so, meanwhile my dear, please use a condom when you have sex or else uza mupaya mwamuna wako! forget his relatives, it is him who feels sweet when he sleeps with you, ok!
Ewa
November 1, 2012 at 10:35 am
Awe sure !! I cannot believe that stigma is still persisting in some people’s minds. How do we surely insult someone seeking advice? It is believed that if you are not “Infected” with HIV, then in one way or another, you are “affected” by it ! It is important to reason before saying anything. Otherwise, its better to keep quiet.
Tajel
November 1, 2012 at 10:49 am
If u are in zambia go to chester house and meet doctor mendez fernedez he has the cure abt 700pin per month,u will be cured..
Ubomba mwibala,alya mwibala
November 1, 2012 at 11:03 am
Yo story sounds sad dear,but considering that u are HIV+ and your family hardly likes him,i thnk u shud do him a favour by probably say..GETTING LOST!
mupopo
November 1, 2012 at 11:06 am
Ba Chishimba I concur with u.
SEBELE
November 1, 2012 at 11:08 am
Your relatives who want you to get married to someone with a lot of monies doesnt love you. Money is not everything.
Ubomba mwibala,alya mwibala
November 1, 2012 at 11:10 am
Ba tumfweko ba fikala,am asking if u cud remove the ok,here it is rubbish frm my previous text napapata ba swine…
Janet c
November 1, 2012 at 11:37 am
@ Zemuntu – it seems you forgot to take your ARVs this morning, you keep hallucinating about Janet c, Janet c everywhere just talking about me!!! Zipime mudala, we are NOT in the same league
Zemuntu
November 1, 2012 at 3:51 pm
@Janet C, even if m taking ARVs that doesnt take away my life ya musana wanzili shilokafye, life yabu chinondo
mike
November 1, 2012 at 11:59 am
HIV+ or not you will find problems with the in-lows
in one way or the other however you need to seek help at any health/HIV center for counselling
THE ONLY LIVING JAY
November 1, 2012 at 12:07 pm
There are a lot of institutionz and other experts capable of handling the problem prezented by this lady. I have in mind most big hospitalz, SFH, KARA Councelling, Radio Chengelo’z “Help-Line”, Dr Manda, Prof. Nkandu Luo, Dr Manase Phiri and wife to mention but a few. She iz spoiled for choice.
kakolwe
November 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm
7 months ago U had sex, today U r doubting ” you may be expecting his child..” You make it more fictitous. @Chama febbie, if opening legs=prostitution, the dipping yo dick it too! How many pussies did U dip it in b4 marriage?
Chama Febie
November 1, 2012 at 1:24 pm
@Kakolwe me and my husband we were virgins when we got married,i never allowed a dirt sick dick to enter me unlike you who dips your dick umwabola
Zemuntu
November 1, 2012 at 3:54 pm
@Chama Febbie, kanshi ulimwanakashi awe kwena ulichisoso waba ukununka mukanwa, you seem to be coming from a broken home and it seems your mum shud have been prostituting too much
Chama Febie
November 1, 2012 at 4:00 pm
Zemuntu your mother is the one who was a prostitute thats why she’s got HIV positive children she use to take of are panty anyhow bastards
Zemuntu
November 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm
@Chama Febie, tawaishiba nechisungu wemwana wakusansha, kapoli iwe
Sonia
November 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Chama Febbie- your days are numbered. A lot of virgin wives have contracted HIV in their marital beds….Marriage is a risk factor for HIV contraction too. I hope you watch your husband 24hrs 7days a week, 4 weeks a month and 12 months in a year. Good luck to you!!
T.T
November 1, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Love is between two people, if you two love each other no body will put you apart. Stay with the guy he loves you.
Chama Febie
November 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm
TT apapalibe va love she must just look for another sick fellow
afcon phiri
November 1, 2012 at 1:41 pm
You are not alone, there several couples IN LUSAKA who are in the same situation. They are married and are very happy.WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS LOVE. IF HE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HIM, MARRY HIM.BEING HIV+ IS NOT THE END OF LIFE, IT IS JUST THE START POINT FOR WISDOM,BEING CAREFUL AND RESPONSIBLE.
MARRY HIM AND ENJOY LIFE WITH YO MAN.
NO BODY WILL LEAVE FOREVER, EVERYDAY PIPO DIE IN ROAD ACCIDENTS,BUT THEY STILL BUY CARS( ALTEZAS) AND THEY STILL DRINK AND DRIVE.
Bana mpundu
November 1, 2012 at 2:06 pm
Am very disappointed with all of you who are saying negative things aboout this lady seeking your humble advise. How do start insulting her and calling her a moving corpse? Surely in this time and age you are stigmatising HIV+ people? Anyway, i pity you because HIV is not only contracted through sex but other means as well which we all know about; some are born with it innocently and some faithful wives/husbands get it unknowingly from their husbands or wives. Now ask yourselves if its right to start insulting innocent people.
My advice to you my dear sister is that get some counseling from your nearest health centre about how you can live a healthy life with your man. If you love him marry him since he has accepted you the way you are. may God bless you.
Bana mpundu
November 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm
What matters is love my sister. Am actually in the same situation, my husband is positive and am negative, but we are very happy together. I’ve been tested a number of times but am still negative and sometimes we do have live sex. The secret is to know how you can live a positive lie. Am encouraging you to read articles about discordant couples, it has helped me a lot. All the best!
dnice
November 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm
this is a very interesting story and it actually gives me a good insight into how well informed about HIV are zedian people
dnice
November 1, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Bana mpundu you are a very reasonable person and i hope you are helping others to understand about HIV. People need to understand that not everyone who is HIV positive is promiscuous. I hope you will be able to contact this lovely lady and encourage her to remain with her loving man.
It shall certainly be well with you.
God bless you and your family
Mushkarano!!
November 1, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Remember!…ther’z always ONE person INFECTED from any zambian extended family!!So what’s the BIG deal..Kulachitanafye nokulaufwa bwino chapwa!.
Yay
November 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I suspect he wants your earthly possessions. Better be on proper medication and let him take care of you especially when ill.
petero
November 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm
get married…..
MBEWEZAGAZE
November 1, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Yo mum shudnt be th controrer of what u want,coz if u say yo guy loves u,luk at him he z nt lik wht yo mum wants morover u are sick and chances of geting married ar slim.
lp
November 1, 2012 at 7:59 pm
Chama febbie,pipo like u need to be taught a lesson.i was a virgin and was raped by an hiv person,can you say i got it thru prostitution?i wish i knew u,i would pay hiv thugs to rape you.wendoshi we! You are so bitter i can even sense your bitterness. Am sure u r a very selfish person and bad hearted too!
zemuntu
November 2, 2012 at 9:28 am
@lp, i agree with u on the behaviour of foolish chama febbie, i thot Janet C was the only foolish person on this blog kanshi kwaliba ifipuba nga chi chama febbie ukuchila Janet C. I have lost 3 pipo in my family from AIDS related illnesses and i know how it feels but nowadays its no longer a big deal as long as you living a health life.
lp
November 1, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Imwe ba tumfweko chi”ok here it is” mwa bika kuli comment yandi nshachibikako ninshi kanshi.
lp
November 1, 2012 at 8:09 pm
Lol
Wakayele
November 1, 2012 at 8:20 pm
truth 1. HIV is incurable currently.
2.marriage is not about having live sex
3.to produce new infections carelessly is irresponsibility!
4.the choice is in one’s hands
5.sexual drive can be very strong even to overpower reason.
…discuss with the two families openly they are more connected to you than we are.
Hussen daka
November 1, 2012 at 10:38 pm
Dear Zambian
Please some of your comments are not senseble some children are HIV at birth are you telling Me that its they fort, imagine this child is your own and He /She wants to marry are you go to them that they should not fall in love with them who are nigetive. I was married to a hiv person We have three lovely children and I have so much respect for this woman thoug we are not together. So to your dear friends please watch your words.
Hussen daka
November 1, 2012 at 10:39 pm
Let us teach you.
kakolwe
November 1, 2012 at 11:16 pm
@Chama febie, You see, this is were I fail to respond. Especially that I have been deceived by your posts to think that you are male by your posts. I hope it does not reflect in person. My respons to you never meant to show that you are a dipstick but that NOT EVERYONE +ve is a prostitute. I wont insult you back. Sufice to say Thank God for Umwabola but still negative & relatively well off.
Tendai
November 2, 2012 at 7:52 am
Your situation is called ‘being sero-discordance’.
There are many couples – both married and unmarried, who are in a similar situation. It is not a disaster, especially since your partner is comfortable with pursuing the relationship.
Your aim now is to make sure that he remains safe and that your baby is born free of the virus, both of which are possible with assistance from the correct medical services.
Firstly, you need to make sure you start attending ante-natal services as soon as possible. Inform your health care provider about your status early and start treatment to prevent transmission of the virus to the baby. I always advise on both parents attending the first visit together because that way you can both ask questions (and please ask as many as possible). You need to have a very clear understanding of what to do during your pregnancy and have a plan for delivery that is advised by a qualified health practitioner.
Secondly, your partner needs to use protection and get tested every six months to make sure he remains HIV negative. Medical advice from a trained doctor will help you work through your fears and expectations etc
Thirdly, make sure you eat correctly – fruit and vegetables, a lot of water (guided by your blood pressure of course)and if you are not a vegetarian, stick to white meats like chicken and fish. Avoid fatty foods, too much processed sugars and fizzy drinks.
Finally, this should have been first, laugh, love and live. Be grateful to GOD in all things, trust Him and let Him direct your paths.
All the best!!!
Mushkarano!!
November 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Great piece of advice…Cheers for that!..NOT chi Chama febie..ba tumfweko muchifumyepo apa chatupesha!
Kaluku Emmanuel
November 2, 2012 at 9:33 am
it is gud that your man is aware that you are Hiv positive if he had not known it would have been wrong. Now that your so called guy have known your status you shouldn’t worry about what other people may say because he would have left you long ago, so my advise is that if you truely love this guy and the guy loves back, go on marry him coz you want him to be happy. would you like to see your guy cry? ofcorse no, if you disapoint your guy he never be happy again. wish you will understand.
patty
November 2, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Chi Chama febie danda head!!!!
Ndora N$hiliya
November 2, 2012 at 3:04 pm
What a site to get sympathy from!!!!!!!!!!
Ndeloleshafye……………